anyone online now, can you help me, it's so urgent

[bulletproofbarb]

I'm going to work in a couple of hours. I have done something I feel very guilty about and can't stop thinking about it.

I have been off work for a few months because my epilepsy went out of control. This is my 4th week back. I have been gradually building up my days so not back to my full hours yet.

Up until now, I have been open and honest with my manager who has been so supportive. But, on Friday gone, things came to a head for me.

I take a tablet, lamictal at 6pm and by 8pm get slightly drowsy but able to function still, but slower and can only concentrate on one thing at a time. On Friday I was so frustrated by it and almost started crying but refused to cry and became consumed with rage. It was quiet so I left half an hour early. if I stayed a minute longer I would have exploded. I just couldn't take it anymore.

So, I stopped taking the tablet. A couple of people know at work but I haven't told the manager, nor have I told her about Friday. I am working today and the weekend. I see my Neurologist on Monday.

I feel so guilty for lying to her, I told her I didn't get drowsy anymore so she gave me another shift.

From 2pm to 8pm I am fine and can do 100 things at once and it's like it used to be before I got sick. But my shift hours can't be changed, they don't fit in the roster. I need the money, I don't want to leave where I work but god, I feel so guilty, it's eating me up.

Do I say something today or just wait till I see the neuro on Monday. I can't look at her in the eye.

[bulletproofbarb]

sorry, forgot to change my location, I am in Australia. I don't know what repercussions it would have on my nursing registration. I only have seizures when i wake up, that is why I always work the afternoon shift.

[TazziRN, RN]

Think about this: what are you going to say if you have a seizure because you skipped your meds?

[bulletproofbarb]

I don't know

I don't know what to do. I am scared she will send me home. That's why I haven't said anything. I only have seizures in the morning and it's 1145am here.

[GilaRRT]

You are in a tough situation. Honestly, I think you can do whatever you wish providing it does not harm other people. However, what you are doing places your patient, your co-workers, and frankly your self at risk for bodily harm or death. Call your boss, tell her you are having problems related to your condition, take time away from work, and see your neurologist.

I took care of a patient that quit taking his meds. Had a seizure while driving and nearly killed a bunch of people. Do you know the most common cause of seizures? Not taking anti-seizure medicine. This is the truth and not an attempt at sarcasm.

I may sound mean, but it sounds like you need a little tough love. Do not place yourself and others at harm so you can get a few extra hours in at the office.

[TazziRN, RN]

The first question I've always asked my seizure pts in the ER is "When do you take your meds and have you missed any doses?"

Most often the answer is Yes, doses were missed.

What if you do have a seizure at work? You then place the facility in a position of liability, and if it comes out that you did not take your meds, you risk your job entirely. By being honest, you may be sent home pending your neuro appt but your job will probably be safe. As will you. As will your patients.

[bulletproofbarb]

I've been off since March. I'm so frustrated I am being reckless I know. I have been fine all week, it's the guilt that is stressing me out. It's stressing me out because they have been so supportive and patient and helped me and visited me at home, I live by myself and so much other stuff and I feel so awful and dishonest.

I know when I am going to have a seizure so if I were to I would tell someone. It doesn't make it any better though, I know I am looking for excuses but I am torn in half between loyalty, wanting my life back and the need for the $$ as well. I keep telling myself if I just get through till Monday I will be okay then I can sort it out, but then I think if I don't I'll have made such a fool of myself and put my nursing registration at risk and that's my livlihood, I don't know how to do any other job.

[Aquarian]

Is there any way to see the Neuro today?

You have my prayers.

[GilaRRT]

You need to stop with the pity party. You just admitted that you are making excuses. Once you stop your meds, all bets are off on the seizure prediction betting table. Make the smart decision. Harsh words perhaps, but this is a very serious situation. I am giving you my honest no BS answer.

[aubreysgranma]

what if u have a seizure today during a critical time? if harm came to a pt u would have to live with it forever.

[bulletproofbarb]

Trust.

Nobody is going to trust me if I don't say anything. I haven't told my GP either who has been so helpful. I have let everyone down including myself. I don't want to lose peoples trust, that's the hardest thing to get back.

[bulletproofbarb]

I only stopped one, not all of them. (just to clarify because I am thinking people think I have stopped all of them) Just the one that makes me drowsy. I still take the morning and bedtime ones.