Nurses are teachers. We are always answering questions for our patients, no matter how strange they are. We do it in a professional manner, and never make the patient feel stupid. That being said, there are questions we receive in our daily work that make us wonder, "how is this person getting through life?" Or, in my labor and delivery case, "How is she going to be a mother, if she doesn't know X."
See which you relate to, which make you laugh, and feel free to comment and add to the growing list.
"Which hole do I pee out of?"
This is an unfortunately way too common question I get from patients. I work in labor and delivery, so it is an all-female population. I cannot believe how many women do not know their own bodies. I have had women in tears because they don't understand why they are bleeding lady partslly and not when they void. They think that if they go to the bathroom and void that they are also pushing their babies out.
Overall, a very confusing question I get and every time I stop myself from trying to give a look of "really?"
I'm sorry, did I wake you? (on nights)
I worked night shift for over ten years. I hated every moment. I didn't hate my coworkers, or the job, just the feeling my body had working twelve hour nights. I did night shift pregnant, nursing, and raising two boys. I was lucky, like many mothers on nights, to get 4 hours of sleep between shifts.
Anyway, there were many nights that patients would apologize for putting their call lights on to ask for something because they thought they were waking me. I'm pretty sure that's grounds for firing, but thanks patient for thinking I sleep all night.
When they call me doctor
OK, this isn't a question, it's just something that makes me roll my eyes. It is usually a comment from the most undereducated patient or patient's relative. They do not understand the difference between nurses and doctors, nor do they understand the educational difference between the two.
"Honey, just ask the doctor your question." ? I usually look behind me thinking the doctor is in the room.
My answer: "I am not the doctor, X is your doctor, remember seeing him/her throughout the pregnancy? They are the doctor." I end up correcting them several times during my shift, and usually end up giving it up after the third time or so.
How big is the needle in my arm?
I get this question at least once a week. Patients think that the IV needle stays inside their arm.
My answer: "Well, the IV needle does not stay in you, it is a thin, flexible catheter that will deliver the fluids and medicine to you."
It boggles my mind that a patient really thinks a needle stays in their skin the entire time. I remember thinking that when I was very young...but never as an adult, and definitely not as a laboring mother.
So will you be the one delivering the baby?
This is a weird question for me because ideally, they have been to the OBGYN over 20 times during the pregnancy. Now, they meet me for 5 minutes and think I will be delivering their child. This also goes back to them calling me a doctor. I'm not a doctor, and I wouldn't want to be a doctor, and no I don't deliver babies, I will do everything to get the patient to that point, but not actually do the delivery.
My Answer: "You don't want me delivering your baby. I didn't go to school for that, specifically. I went to school to help you get through labor and the delivery. The doctor will deliver the baby Now, if for some reason you progressed quickly, I know how to deliver a baby, but ideally, I would rather not."
There you have it. Five of the weirdest questions I get from patients in labor and delivery. I am sure I could add and add to this list, as could you, so please do.
What are some weird questions your patients have asked you? How did you react?
