"What do you need Christmas off for? You don't have kids!" (rant)

Ruby Vee, BSN · Oct 8, 2005

it was the night before christmas, 1971. i was 16 and i had mono -- my folks hadn't noticed i was sick yet. (i was still going to school because in a wisconsin winter, you didn't want to stay home sick and alone when the house was heated by wood!) at the dinner table, my folks finally noticed i was sick when i couldn't swallow any of my christmas eve dinner. in fact, i could barely swallow at all! we made a fast trip to er that snowy night, and i ended up spending two weeks in the hospital -- my entire christmas vacation! i will never forget waking up in the hospital on christmas morning, and apologizing to the nurse for spoiling her christmas with her family. "oh, no," she said. "you didn't spoil my christmas -- you made it."

it took me years to understand what she meant. when you're spending christmas at the hospital, away from your family, it's nice to have a patient who appreciates your sacrifice rather than bemoaning their own spoiled holiday. and when you're a patient on christmas morning, it's nice to have a nurse who doesn't begrudge you her time away from her own family.

i had a prefectly lovely christmas that year -- right around mlk day (which, of course, didn't exist in 1971). and my nurse described the lovely holiday she spent with her own family on december 27. that was the year i learned that christmas is about much more than a date on a calender -- and santa can find you whereever (and whenever) you celebrate -- as long as you have the right attitude.

Fun2, BSN, RN · Oct 8, 2005

I didn't mind working Christmas Eve (night) - I was home in the morning for presents and went right to bed so I got out of cooking Christmas dinner!!

I'd rather work Christmas Eve.....leave all the last minute wrapping & putting out Santa stuff for my dh to do. :lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

Someday-C.R.N.A. · Oct 8, 2005

I didn't mind working Christmas Eve (night) - I was home in the morning for presents and went right to bed so I got out of cooking Christmas dinner!!

Sneaky sneaky!! :rotfl:

Sounds like a pretty good plan!........."Just wake me up when dinner's ready"!! :smokin:

flashpoint · Oct 8, 2005

To the OP. I didn't read everyone's response. I'd just tell the co-worker. "I just told you why I need Christmas off (you explained your family situation) and it happens to be my turn to have it off this year. I am sorry you feel the way you do, but I can't switch w/ you." After the persion asked you to switch and you declined, that should be it. You are not responsible to ensure that person's Christmas schedule suits her kids. If you are like most of us, you have worked many Christmases and this person has to work this out in her own life too, not try to intimidate others. I have three kids. Christmas is special, but it is just one day. You will "miss out" to some extent when you have kids and have a work obligation on Christmas, but if your child was in need of care on this special day, you'd want someone to be there too. That's just the way it is. I have worked my share of Christmases over the years. I have three teenage daughters. That is just a consequence of your choice to be a nurse on the type of unit you work on. I think Marie's co-worker was WAY OUT OF LINE. If she sulks about this, it is her problem, not yours. I hope you have a nice Christmas w/ your family Marie.

I don't think you should have to justify to anyone why you are unable / unwilling or whatever to trade shifts with someone. Once the scedule is out, it is out...if you don't like the shifts you are scheduled for then you need to either cowboy up and get over it, change your plans for that day, or find a job that fully accomodates your schedule.

It's been said a million times before, but no one in their right minds should have gone to nursing school thinking they would have holidays and weekends off. Unless you work in a clinic, school, or something similar, nursing is a 24/7 deal...get over it.

imenid37 · Oct 8, 2005

ITA cotjocky. I also think though it doesn't hurt a self-absorbed person to be reminded that a holiday or an event, etc. doesn't totally revolve around them or their loved ones. Marie wants to be w/ family for her own reasons, just like others who I hope also tell this co-worker of hers no too. This person should think #1 before they ask if they are being unreasonable in even asking and #2 be gracious if they decide it's okay to ask, but the answer is no. I don't think Marie has any problem saying no to someone like this, but a twentysomething new grad (been there) may feel intimidated by this person, even though he/she too is entitled to a holiday off if it's their turn to be off. Truthfully, the selfish people who have these expectations of others don't deserve an answer I know, but we usually feel like we have to give them one. I have a co-worker who "loves the Lord" (evidently more than anyone else she thinks) and really wants every Sunday off (she wants every Christmas off too) and likes to assume that the rest of us who do not have identical beliefs should accomodate her whenever possible. Actually, my answer to this person for any schedule change is an automatic NO. I feel she manipulates the schedule enough already by aleays asking off on Sundays first if we have a low census.

Bonnie Nurse · Oct 8, 2005

I loved it that you made a comment to her that told her what you thought of her remark, but have you ever thought of asking her a question or making a comment that addresses the unspoken and challenges her to explain her position? Perhaps one of the following.....

I take it from your question that wasn't really a question that you think that i don't need holidays off because i don't have children. Does that about sum up your thinking on that?

So do you think the decision to have children and be a nurse is not working out for you? How unfortunate for you.

Tell me exactly why you deserve holiday time off more than i do.

Is procreation a pre-requisite to having the right to take a holiday off?

If having children actually were to give you more rights in the workplace than i have, then i would be really concerned, but i think this is your particular bias that's in play here. You might want to do some self examination here dear. (Be sure to sneer on the dear part.)

It's that time of year again, even though the holiday schedule has been out for a year, people are making last minute switches. No big deal except for a co-worker that approached me, after seeing i have Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off.
Started out nice: "I saw you had both days off, are you interested in trading them?" I said "Actually i'd like to keep both days off, my family has been through a lot, my dad's brother died a couple of weeks ago, and i'd like to go back home for those days." She said "Hmm, guess i won't be home for my kids for Christmas." I didn't say anything or do anything. Then after a minute she says "You don't have kids, what do you need Christmas off for?":angryfire
It's a wonder my head didn't explode. First off it wasn't her dang business what i wanted Christmas off for anyway, secondly how dare she make such a comment, as if those days won't mean squat to me all because i don't have children.
I'm sure her kids are important to her, i'm sure she would like to be there on those days, but the fact that i do not have children doesn't mean that things in my life are no less important. Nor should it mean that i should want to rearrange my life to accomodate someone that does. Which i've had to do a few times as a result of her taking 3 days weekends since august (we do self-scheduling). As a result of her doing this, i get screwed out of 3 days weekends 90% of the time. Her excuse for needing 3 days weekends? "Because i have kids." Not "My kid(s) has an appt., game, tournament, etc." "Because i have kids."
In no way am i knocking her because she has kids, or anyone, but it's almost like she expects accomodation from people because of the kids. It's not fair to everyone else. Everyone else manages and they have children. And everyone else at work wouldn't have made such a self-entitling statement about someone with no children having the holidays off, because most people take their turns every year. Just because i don't have children doesn not mean that i don't have a life or that i don't have things to do.

Curious1alwys, BSN, RN · Oct 8, 2005

:wink2: Well, I may be in the minority here, but I don't have kids and would gladly work a holiday shift for someone who does..especially small children. I just know that Christmas morning does mean alot to little kids and in some way I do feel for the parents who have to work on holidays. I don't feel SORRY FOR THEM, but rather, can understand why they want it off so badly. However, it is when they act like it is an entitlement that it becomes annoying, as is what happened with Marie....

ZASHAGALKA, RN · Oct 8, 2005

:wink2: Well, I may be in the minority here, but I don't have kids and would gladly work a holiday shift for someone who does..especially small children. I just know that Christmas morning does mean alot to little kids and in some way I do feel for the parents who have to work on holidays. I don't feel SORRY FOR THEM, but rather, can understand why they want it off so badly. However, it is when they act like it is an entitlement that it becomes annoying, as is what happened with Marie....

I don't think you're in the minority. Many posters have said they work the holidays for this reason.

The rant was the EXPECTATION that you would do so.

There's a world of difference between volunteering to do something as opposed to being strongarmed into it.

Motive is everything.

~faith,

Timothy.

Someday-C.R.N.A. · Oct 8, 2005

I don't think you're in the minority. Many posters have said they work the holidays for this reason.
The rant was the EXPECTATION that you would do so.
There's a world of difference between volunteering to do something as opposed to being strongarmed into it.
Motive is everything.
~faith,
Timothy.

EXACTLY.

I have spent many holidays at work so that others could enjoy the time with their families (while not yet in nursing, my current employment is also a 24-7-365 operation), and haven't had a problem doing it.

There has also been a time or two when I have taken the day (holiday or otherwise) off for no other reason than to spite the person who attacked me for having the ability to take the day off over them (goes by seniority), or assumed that their reason for having the day off was more "worthy" than mine.

The way you approach a problem will often have an enormous impact on the way it works out for you.

fergus51 · Oct 8, 2005

\As for being with your parents on Christmas, it's not the same. If I didn't have children, having Christmas late or early wouldn't be as big of deal.
However, the little children will be so upset without their moms or dads present to share the joy of Christmas morning. Just think how you would feel if your mom or dad wasn't at home on Christmas day when you were little.
\.

Ummm... that happened in our family every second year when I was growing up. It wasn't a big deal because my parents didn't make it a big deal. The kids care far less about a calendar than the parents do. I have no sad memories of Xmas and don't even remember which years we celebrated on the actual date and which years we celebrated on our own Xmas.

fergus51 · Oct 9, 2005

I don't think you're in the minority. Many posters have said they work the holidays for this reason.
The rant was the EXPECTATION that you would do so.
There's a world of difference between volunteering to do something as opposed to being strongarmed into it.
Motive is everything.
~faith,
Timothy.

Definitely. When I can't go home, I work every holiday because I don't mind and I know some people really want to be home. This year, I have both Xmas and Xmas eve off and enough money for the plane ticket, so I feel no guilt about having Xmas with my family. The mothers on our unit can work their fair share of holidays too.

steelcityrn, RN · Oct 9, 2005

This subject is causing me to have "post traumatic syndrome" !!!