"Doing too much" - page 2

Hey y'all...(in my southern voice). I'll get right to it. I don't really know where I'm going or asking from this but I'll put it out there. Ok...I am 23. Recently finished LPN school and now... Read More

  1. by   SoldierNurse22
    If your description of your neighbor vs. yourself is correct, why are you even worried 1) about what she says and/or 2) about becoming like her? Elder does NOT equal wiser or worth listening to.

    "Doing too much?" Sure, whatever.

    But then, Thomas Edison and Benjamin Franklin were probably "doing too much" too.
  2. by   futurenurseOB
    Quote from LYNDAA
    Everyone makes mistakes at some point in their lives and everyone makes choices that guides the direction to be taken after those mistakes, whether the choices we're good or bad. I had my first child as a teenager and as soon as I was old enough to sit in nursing school (LPN), I was there. I lost quite a few close relationships, some family and some who I "thought" we're my friends, when I began going to nursing school because, in their eyes, I was supposed to do a whole lotta 'nothing' like the rest of them who had made similar mistakes. The difference for me was that I had a very strong support system within my immediate family and my mistakes were not a result of my family teachings and my environment. It was a non-thought-out decision on my part. Your living in the 'projects' subjects your ears and eyes to a lot of negative feedback; not your mind, as you've demonstrated. When I got back home to visit, those same people have progressed not one step in improving their lives. Some are still sitting under shade trees in sweltering temperatures, with the beer and what I assume is a cigarette. My cousin in particular, has been raising kids her entire life because before her baby came out of high school, her oldest had already brought home a new baby, and now her baby has a baby.

    As a teenage parent still living at home, I was made to partake in the public income system known as welfare. I hated every minute of it. To me, that was MORE embarrassing than having a baby at too-early an age! I don't knock it or judge anyone who has to utilize it but it was not for 'me'. So, when I got my very first check as an LPN, I drove straight to DFACS and showed them my check,told them to stop all future payments IMMEDIATELY, and instructed me to stay away from my home! (Back then, anyone receiving payments were not allowed to own a car (making it impossible to get a job), jewelry, or savings account, and they made monthly visits to come check the kitchen cabinets for groceries that they deemed appropriate, checked the dressers for the children's clothing, checked the crib where the child was living....basically INVADED my privacy for three of the longest years of my life!!! Thank God nursing school was only a year long back in one days!!!!

    Since nursing school was not my plan, but my dad's, I had no intention of furthering my education in nursing. So, I began working as an LPN, kids #s 2 & 3 came along, and work continued. Before I we it, my babies were not babies anymore and it was time to put them on a decent path in life. I was working 16-hour shifts with home health vent patients to pay for my oldest's college education. Since there was a 5-year difference between the next child, I had time before I had to bust my *** like that again. Unfortunately, the next two were two peas in a pod, with only one year separating the two. They put their head together, combined forces against ANYTHING that made sense, went to trade school, got thrown out (BOTH OF THEM), and are finally and gradually about to piece together a life for themselves. Throughout all this time, I was always trying to reason with them but you cannot tell grown folks what to do. I finally washed my hands of it so that they can learn life's lessons much harder than I had to.

    You are NEVER doing too much unless YOU believe your endeavors are beginning to have adverse effects on your life. There are those that will judge you. As The Commuter said, misery loves company. Now when I go back home, I hear all kinds of stuff about me and I haven't even lived in my hometown since 2004! Even then, I never shopped there, didn't get gas for my vehicles there, didn't hang out there or anywhere else. The latest talk is that I'm a grandmother who drives a 2-seater, 6-speed convertible. So *******what!! (Lord, I love that car!!!) I served my years with a 4-door sedan and baby seats in the back. My baby is 26 years old. My kids had their kids AFTER graduating high school and becoming adults. I gave up my life for my kids...well not really because as an LPN, I was able to take them to the beach and zoo and park and anywhere else I liked to go. My point is when I want to go somewhere with my grandchildren, I will drive my car to them, park it, and get in one of the three vehicles that already has the baby seats locked down in the back. I don't know about these nosey-*** neighbors, but my grandchildren have parents as did my children. My parents's vehicles didn't have baby seats, they weren't required when I was a little girl and they were not required when my kids were babies. I had one because I got tired of looking in the rear view mirror only to see my kids standing in between the two front seats. They were some hard-headed little cusses!

    On darn! I went way off topic, didn't it? What I came here to say was, let them talk. She knows that if you keep it up, you won't be her neighbor for long. Keep doing what you're doing. That should encourage the COPD lady to lay off the cigarettes so that she will have the breath to keep talking about you! And as long as you can hear her talking, you don't have to do CPR.

    By the way, I did receive my RN license 3 years ago and should be done with the BSN by summer. Victim of the environment? Hell no! I did what I did, except the LPN, on my on terms. Keep it moving while it's moving. You will have greater rewards sooner than you think!
    Omg exactly....they will be outside in the morning when I go to pick up my books. Five hours later, they're in the same spot... what have you done with your life today!!!!

    Finally a nurse...All for my three♡♡♡
  3. by   futurenurseOB
    Quote from TheCommuter
    Keep doing what you're currently doing. You are setting a positive example for your children and their lives will be enriched because you are bettering your own life.

    Now, think about the behavior of crabs when placed in an open bucket. When one crab attempts to crawl out of the bucket and escape to freedom, the other crabs usually latch on and prevent any type of escape. Unfortunately, there are many crabs in the 'hood and your lazy neighbor is no exception.

    When people with the crab mentality see another person attempting to better oneself and escape one's current situation, these folks will try to pull you back into the bottom of the bucket through a variety of tactics: bad advice, discouragement, obstructionism, and setting poor examples.

    Although your neighbor might have had some salient points, look at the source. Her life has turned out miserably. Misery loves company. Do not be her company.
    Crabs in a barrel is the perfect metaphor for my situation. I never feel like I'm doing too much. I often feel like I'm not doing enough

    Finally a nurse...All for my three♡♡♡
  4. by   futurenurseOB
    You ladies are so right. When I turned 19 I had the chance to get out of my mom's house and get my own....being a mom, I did just that. I moved here. Initially I was ashamed. Then I told myself it's up to ME to get my family out, up to me to be successful, and up to me to change our lives. I feel like I set out to do what I wanted to do. All while in the ghetto.

    I feel that when it's time for me to move, I'll let someone else come and Better themselves. My time here is almost up.
    I do realize that not a lot of people make it out of the projects. I'm talking generations are here. People will say I lived here for 15-25 years like it's something to brag about. I can't wait to leave. My childrens' father and I am saving like there's no tomorrow.

    I feel strongly that education is the way out of poverty. There's simply nothing else.

    Finally a nurse...All for my three♡♡♡
  5. by   CapeCodMermaid
    I have to disagree with you when you said you don't work. Three kids AND school? That is, indeed, work. Don't compare yourself to anyone but the YOU you want to become.
  6. by   Guttercat
    This thread is full of win.
  7. by   Mulan
    Yeah, right, (laughing), why would you listen to her?
  8. by   Sony1214
    All I have to say is that misery loves company, when people are miserable, they want others to be miserable with them! I am going to keep this short and simple, you will know when you are doing too much, your body and mind will tell you. Until then, keep moving forward and take rest when you need to!
  9. by   patekgtech
    You are an outstanding Young Lady with a lot of responsibility. You work hard to achieve. Never compromise ur own standards because of what someone else says. Stay on your path and you will also achieve "Freedom" through education. These people that are suggesting to you to not work so hard will never be "FREE". They will depend on someone else to take care of them and provide for them. As long as they do that, they will be in servitude to the government or someone else. Your education will give you the FREEDOM to live where you want and send ur children to any school that u choose. Never compromise!
  10. by   seanynjboy
    First off, I am not a parent, but a large number of students in my RN program were, most of them had really young kids. They struggled, time was missed with their families. I spent many a night with some people listening to them cry, say they can't do it, felt like they were deliberately hurting their children by studying for finals or doing homework.

    What you are doing is quite possibly THE BEST THING you could ever do for your family in the long run. What anyone else says (especially your neighbor mattress-potato) has nothing to do with anything. They are wrong!

    You becoming in an RN will help you so much more financially, mentally and physically. You will be able to make more $ to save more for college for your kids, cars, whatever. You will have more opportunities for jobs and better chance for advancement.

    I applaud anyone with kids that goes back to school, especially nursing school. Don't let anyone get you down, you are doing this for your family and for yourself! YOU GOT THIS!!

    Quote from futurenurseOB
    Hey y'all...(in my southern voice). I'll get right to it. I don't really know where I'm going or asking from this but I'll put it out there. Ok...I am 23. Recently finished LPN school and now enrolled in prereqs at my college to do the LPN-RN bridge program.
    I graduated high school 2008
    Graduated (valedictorian) CNA program in 2010
    Graduated LPN program 2012

    And now I'm back in school. I feel like I've been in school so much I don't feel right without being in a classroom lol. I don't even know where I fit the time in to have three children....another post for another time.

    Anyway. My neighbor 43, who does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING with her life but drink beer and beg for cigarettes all say, told me I was "doing too much". Initially, it struck a nerve with me, like why would I listen to you of all people. However to respect my elders I listened to her. She made a few valid points but still, I'm doing too much and she does nothing, two extremes if you ask me.

    Although I'm a student I make plenty of time for my children (I don't work). They are 7, 4, and 1. I guess I'm trying to beat the stigma that if you were a teenage parent you're doomed for life.

    My biggest fear is to be like my neighbor. She's 43, sleeps on a mattress on her sister's living room floor, smokes cigarettes, drinks beer, COPD, seizure prone, CHF. and has nothing to show for her age, nothing. And would rant about her medical history as if it's something to be proud of.

    Sorry for the long post. Also I live in the "projects" if that helps.


    Finally a nurse...All for my three♡♡♡
  11. by   NyteshiftLVN
    You are already know you're not like your neighbor I think somewhere deep down inside. Just like you, I got pregnant at as a teen 18 (but still a teen) I've been working and going to school off and on ever since. I lived with my parents while I got my LVN and moved out soon after. I then stopped going to school to help take care of my dying mother, now I am back in school finishing my pre-reqs to apply to the RN program next month all while working full time to support my family and my husband who is also in school. Keep your pace, you already know where you are going and your path is nothing like hers.
  12. by   mostdesired3
    .... Unfortunately, the woman you just described is my mother.

    Sometimes, I cant believe we have the same DNA. Worlds apart. But then again, I left home when I was 14 and never looked back. She barely had anything to do with my upbringing. That probably has something to do with it...

    My advice to you is: smile, nod and keep on climbing toward your goals. Without divine help, people like that never change; she'll just keep throwing daggers. Maybe one day she'll be your patient and she'll be glad you "did too much."
  13. by   futurenurseOB
    Thank you all for the responses. I know we're different. Heck I'm different from most of the whole neighborhood by just having goals.

    I'll keep you all updated, it's a long road ahead. My pre reqs start Wednesday

    Finally a nurse...All for my three♡♡♡