Vent: Why I won't accompany my mother to the ER anymore

[BelgianRN]

Slight vent, and ARGH.

My mom was in the ER the other day (for a rule out PE) and before I could hold her mouth shut the words were out at the very friendly ER nurse: "sonny I'm a very tough stick since my veins are rolling and disappearing, so you might wanna get the anesthesiologist if you don't know what you are doing". So I tried telling her to let the nurses do their job.

I was just sitting there with a look of horror on my face trying to disappear in between the air molecules, thinking about how I would feel if that was said to me. My mother then proceeded to say "my son is not convinced I have a PE and he is a nurse he knows these things since he works in an (and adds with emphasis) ICU in a university hospital". By that time I just wanted to disappear between the subatomic structures...

The RN did a 12 lead and my mother was saying it had better be done right or I would see they made a mistake. I just looked at her hoping it was either a dream or I would suffer a major PE instead of having to deal with this. The RN then printed an extra copy and put it in front of me with the words: "I hope it is to your liking and it can stand up to the quality in an (with emphasis) ICU in a university hospital..."

After the nurse left I tried scolding my mom but she was so proud that she got to brag about one of her kids (how can you stay mad). So I went to a bakery and got pastry and other nice things for the ER staff in an attempt to undo my mother's evil and apologized for her need to make these "subtle" remarks.

Next time she can go by herself... Or I might send my sister and she can deal with mom ^^.

[Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN]

No matter how many times patients or their families grate my nerves with the IMANURSE *warning* I'll never forget the time I played that card when my mom was 1000 miles away in an ED having an addisonian crisis brought on by an ileus. She called me, she's a family NP and knows her disease so she knew what was probably going on. She had been there 2 hours without a blood draw or a steroid injection and she was in terrible pain, dry heaving, and getting confused, asked me "I'm feeling really foggy but... shouldn't they be checking my potassium? I can't believe I haven't gotten steroids yet!" I nearly lost it in frustration over being so far away and I just said GET ME A NURSE ON THE PHONE! Yep, I was THAT daughter.

Oh I have been that daughter as well....3 times total, when absolutely necessary, all for my parents. The last was when my Mom had a TEE and my sister (who is not at the bedside at present) texted me the photo of my mothers hematoma showing on the exterior part of her throat and got prescribed Cepacol lozenges for her hoorificeness and difficulty swallowing.

I "gently" reminded the hospitalist and that hematomas are not common from a TEE and I was the last person he wanted on a plane come morning......They perfed's her throat. Idiots

Mom's good now....but ya gotta do what ya gotta do sometimes;)

[craigd30]

I saw two things when I read your post. 1) your mom is proud of you. I'm the POA for my gramps and he never fails to mention that "my grandson is a nurse and a paramedic!". I, like you, wish he wouldn't mention anything - but that's a battle I'm not going to win (the battle I choose is him wearing his lifeline. That old turd used to only put it on when he knew I was coming over. Until he fell in the yard. Then it hit home. Why wont't they listen?) Some Geri patients (my gramps included) will say "I hate to be a bother". That's really cool your mom rocks your accomplishments. 2) that nurse (unless they were joking around?) was an a$$. "I hope this is OK by ICU standards"? What? I still get a bit nervous practicing on/in front of medical staff (I actually had an out of town ER doc as a patient today. Husband was a GI doc. Sitting there. Watching me. Judging. It's a good ego check.). Takes me back to the days (not that long ago) that I was a damn student. Nervous about everything I was doing - but part of me still welcomes the "opportunity for improvement" (note the awesome corporate speak). I am far from perfect in my practice. I would welcome the opportunity to get feedback about my care from someone who can help me improve my patient care. Now that I'm typing I note a third point. 3) You are also pretty cool. I would welcome (nervously) the opportunity to take care of someone you know/love. Please give me feedback. And bring granola and yogurt. I am trying to stay healthy. It's easy for me to say - don't be embarrassed. Your mom was probably so happy and reassured that you were there and that you turned out to be the person you are. Kudos. Wow. Now that I look this over I realize I have typed so much I don't even remember what the OG post really read. I sure hope this is relevant :).

[shoegalRN, RN]

I am the ONLY nurse in my entire family, and I come from an immediate family of 7, we won't even mention my extended fam.

Everyone in my immediate family has no problem saying I'm a nurse when they have to go to hospital/doctor appointment/etc. My mother has several health issues, and recently fell and sprained her finger. My pops took her to the local ER and she told everyone who would listen that I am an ER nurse. When she was being discharged, she told the staff she will run her discharge papers by me to see if I approved of her treatment during her stay.

I tell everyone in my immediate family do not tell people I'm a nurse because I don't want to make anybody uncomfortable doing their job.

[EDRNknl]

This has happened to me many times! It doesn't make me annoyed, it makes me laugh! I usually tell the patient that I've been practicing my IV starts ALL DAY so it shouldn't be a problem, then I wink at the family member. Humor usually breaks the ice and gets rid of any tension and/or, all knowing attitudes between everyone.

I must say though....way to go on getting pastries!!! Your mom would have turned in to my favorite patient with you bringing pastries!

[brillohead, ADN, RN]

Had a different sort of experience with this last weekend.

I got a call that a friend collapsed (healthy guy, no known risk factors other than dad has a couple of stents) and was rushed to ER and "it doesn't look good". Knowing his wife would be a wreck, I packed a bag and headed out.

I'm only a nursing student right now (and I had to repeatedly correct every relative/friend who tried to identify me as a nurse), but I knew that the wife and parents would be in no shape to be able to take in what they were being told because they were too close to the whole thing emotionally. So I was there to serve as "medical translator" and "information officer". I was included in on the "immediate family only" discussions with the staff, and I was able to repeat what was said later when the story was being retold to the dozens and dozens of family/friends who came to the hospital over the course of the 36 hours I was "on duty". I also took my computer and sent out newsletter-style updates via email (didn't think about setting up a Caring Bridge until later).

It was obvious to the staff that I was a student nurse because I'd been introduced as such (or else I clarified after being introduced as a nurse). Because of the information I'd read in this particular thread, I made a point to tell the ICU nurse assigned to my friend that I was NOT watching them in an attempt to try to "catch them" at anything -- that I was still learning all this stuff (I have Med-Surg III coming up in the fall) and that I'm asking questions either out of my own curiosity or so that I can explain it to the horde of family/friends in the waiting room.

I basically only hung out in his room when immediate family couldn't be there or during rounds -- I spent the vast majority of my time out in the waiting room. And any time I was in the room, I told his nurse to let me know if my questions were bothering/distracting them or if I was in the way. (He was quite critical with 1:1 staffing and constant adjustments to meds, frequent ABG draws, etc. -- it was a very busy little room those first couple of days!)

Had it not been for this thread, it never would have occurred to me that the ICU RNs might have thought I was watching them to "catch them" at something. I guess my mind doesn't think that way. Hopefully my demeanor and the questions I was asking (plus the fact that I never wrote anything down) would have made it evident that I was simply curious, but I'm grateful that because I had read this thread, I was able to realize the potential for my interest to be misinterpreted by the staff and I was able to put them at ease in that regard.

On a happy note, my friend had a tremendous recovery (cardiologist used words like "amazing" and "miracle") and went home on Thursday after having a 95% blockage of his LAD on Saturday.

[poppycat, ADN, BSN]

My 88 year old dad does the same with me every time he's in the ER. He makes sure everyone knows I'm an RN but doesn't bother to tell them I'm a Peds nurse and have never, in 34 years of nursing, worked with adults!

[Altra, BSN, RN]

Had it not been for this thread, it never would have occurred to me that the ICU RNs might have thought I was watching them to "catch them" at something. I guess my mind doesn't think that way. Hopefully my demeanor and the questions I was asking (plus the fact that I never wrote anything down) would have made it evident that I was simply curious, but I'm grateful that because I had read this thread, I was able to realize the potential for my interest to be misinterpreted by the staff and I was able to put them at ease in that regard.

Respectfully, I wouldn't worry much that the RNs taking care of this critically ill patient were much concerned with the perception(s) of a nursing student right at that moment.

Glad to hear of your friend's recovery! :)

[morte, LPN, LVN]

None the less, this student now knows to think of a bigger picture

Respectfully, I wouldn't worry much that the RNs taking care of this critically ill patient were much concerned with the perception(s) of a nursing student right at that moment.

Glad to hear of your friend's recovery! :)

[ecerrn]

As a nurse I don't mind hearing those things, it's a little insulting if it's meant as a warning to do my job right or else, nice I don't need that sort of encouragement...the best are like 'my son is an attorney" and I will usually ask oh? What kind of attorney I may have some questions for you." Mostly though, I know how you feel, and after many trips to the Dr and er with mom, I no longer care who knows, and have started her IV, since she is a difficult stick! (They get their chance first though) and it does help to get a little 'special' TX on the floor sometimes. And we can swap stories and gossip too. I probably would have critiqued the ekg and handed it back with a comment on what I'd seen, if anything. Please don't be too embarrassed about your mom, she is proud of your accomplishments and that makes her special...a good nurse will see that and make fun of you. :-) :-)

[libran1984, ASN, RN]

Happens every day with every patient. Nothing to be mortified by