Vent: Why I won't accompany my mother to the ER anymore - Page 5

Lol-those patient interactions actually crack me up, where you have the difficult patient but then their family member is so obviously, completely aghast at their behavior. Firstly, it's usually entertaining, and secondly, the family member usually can keep some of the more out there demands the patient makes in check.

It's not my mother, it is my mother-in-law. Yikes!

Our mothers often "trigger" us in many ways...but I am wondering about what was really going on with your mother in this situation, and I sense that she was very afraid and unable to talk about it directly. When we are the one--horizontal--in a hospital bed, we can feel very vulnerable and not in control. Your mother may have wanted to tap into whatever power she could to protect herself, so she used your expertise as a sign of specialness or superiority. Her deep fear could have been the source of her comments.

You could have said to the nurses, "Just ignore my Mom, she likes to brag about her children. I support you in all your efforts, and please, let me know if I can help you in any way." You could have said something like this in front of your mother, and/or you could have followed up with the nurse out of the room and talked with the nurse directly, explaining how fear and vulnerability often are expressed this way by your mother.

The bottom line is....do you want your mother to have the safest, best and most expert care possible in the hospital? I tell all my friends and family to not be in any hospital without another person present to make sure that everything is done right. Care in the hospital is not what is used to be for many reasons, and all patients need good, neutral advocates.

As a nurse taking care of people, I always respected the arrogant, squeaky wheels in both patients and family, even when they were very irritating and insulting. I would tell them that I always do my best, and that I understand how scarey and nerveracking it is to be in the hospital. I did not take it personally.

Also, this situation may have been presented to you so that when you come across a patient (someone else's mother) like this, you will have a deeper understanding of the possible underlying causes for comments like this.

I hope your mother is ok, Belgian! I feel your pain- I was recently in the hospital myself and while my dad was visiting, he just loved to tell the nurses that I am a nurse. An *ICU* nurse, no less! Ughhh! Definitely wanted to just hide under the covers!!

When my mom went to the hospital, she told each and every nurse that came in that I was a nurse and that I was studying to be a flight nurse. Each time, I just looked at the ground and smirked. Then, each nurse could not get in an IV on her. So my mom looked at me and told me I needed to show them how to start IVs. I told her, "if you make me get off this chair, I am going to put 16g in you. They know what they're doing". Soon the nurse got a good one in her.

Funniness aside, I truly believe most nurses know how to laugh it off when a parent brags about their child being a fellow nurse. Its the person his/herself that comes screaming "I AM A NURSE" and start barking out orders that I don't tolerate.

I lot of you seem to be over analyzing this, I can sympathize with your story for sure. All I would've done is: "Mum cut it out." (Probably wouldn't stop her though).

OP, at least it wasn't you announcing your occupation to the world. No one likes those people... or the ones who remind everyone that they work in a hospital, when what they really mean is they work in the cafeteria of a hospital.

Kudos to you for bringing food! I always find it hilarious when a pt announces her child is a nurse, its said with soo much pride and yes the sane ones usually do look mortified (its the ones who buck up their chests like "you've been WARNED" that are usually the ones that annoy, and usually they work in a docs office or haven't practiced in eons). I'd never have handed you the EKG all snotty, I'd have seen your reaction, winked at you and figured 'awesome, if she poops the bed I'll have extra hands!' lol

My SO and I recently relocated and I'm on the job search. He came home from work a couple weeks ago with a big chunk of metal in his eye. It was 7pm on a Friday night so off to the ER we went. It was great to go in and scope out the nearby ER, spy on what charting system they use, yay! good vibe and coffee allowed at the nurses station (priorities!), and with a sane patient who knew better than to "out" me.

I HATE being outed as an ER nurse when I'm with family! I think it is universal though, my ex husband is a very successful chef and I'll never forget the color draining from his face when we went to a fannnncy restaurant with his mother and she announced to the waiter that he's a world class CHEF so the food better be good!

No matter how many times patients or their families grate my nerves with the IMANURSE *warning* I'll never forget the time I played that card when my mom was 1000 miles away in an ED having an addisonian crisis brought on by an ileus. She called me, she's a family NP and knows her disease so she knew what was probably going on. She had been there 2 hours without a blood draw or a steroid injection and she was in terrible pain, dry heaving, and getting confused, asked me "I'm feeling really foggy but... shouldn't they be checking my potassium? I can't believe I haven't gotten steroids yet!" I nearly lost it in frustration over being so far away and I just said GET ME A NURSE ON THE PHONE! Yep, I was THAT daughter.

Oh I have been that daughter as well....3 times total, when absolutely necessary, all for my parents. The last was when my Mom had a TEE and my sister (who is not at the bedside at present) texted me the photo of my mothers hematoma showing on the exterior part of her throat and got prescribed Cepacol lozenges for her hoarseness and difficulty swallowing.

I "gently" reminded the hospitalist and that hematomas are not common from a TEE and I was the last person he wanted on a plane come morning......They perfed's her throat. Idiots

Mom's good now....but ya gotta do what ya gotta do sometimes

I saw two things when I read your post. 1) your mom is proud of you. I'm the POA for my gramps and he never fails to mention that "my grandson is a nurse and a paramedic!". I, like you, wish he wouldn't mention anything - but that's a battle I'm not going to win (the battle I choose is him wearing his lifeline. That old turd used to only put it on when he knew I was coming over. Until he fell in the yard. Then it hit home. Why wont't they listen?) Some Geri patients (my gramps included) will say "I hate to be a bother". That's really cool your mom rocks your accomplishments. 2) that nurse (unless they were joking around?) was an a$$. "I hope this is OK by ICU standards"? What? I still get a bit nervous practicing on/in front of medical staff (I actually had an out of town ER doc as a patient today. Husband was a GI doc. Sitting there. Watching me. Judging. It's a good ego check.). Takes me back to the days (not that long ago) that I was a damn student. Nervous about everything I was doing - but part of me still welcomes the "opportunity for improvement" (note the awesome corporate speak). I am far from perfect in my practice. I would welcome the opportunity to get feedback about my care from someone who can help me improve my patient care. Now that I'm typing I note a third point. 3) You are also pretty cool. I would welcome (nervously) the opportunity to take care of someone you know/love. Please give me feedback. And bring granola and yogurt. I am trying to stay healthy. It's easy for me to say - don't be embarrassed. Your mom was probably so happy and reassured that you were there and that you turned out to be the person you are. Kudos. Wow. Now that I look this over I realize I have typed so much I don't even remember what the OG post really read. I sure hope this is relevant .