my husband used to go nuts at work when he felt he'd been accosted by evil people. in his case, it was mostly middle management drones who lied to save their own anatomy or who reneged on incentives they offered to get extra work done. he filed complaints. he went through various mediation efforts. but even when the outcome was okay, he still felt furious. i tried to tell him to let it go, but he didn't know how to do that.
what finally made a difference was when i made the offhand remark that their garbage wasn't personal. it was like a light went on. he saw that these knobs were equal opportunity jackasses and their slime trails had far more to do with who they were than who he was. if he hadn't been there, they would have unloaded on whoever was unfortunate enough to be in his place.
somehow, this clicked and really made a difference. now, he's like a man holding a vicious little brat by the top of its head and letting it flail and snarl and gnash its teeth while he just watches in amazement. sometimes, he gets caught off guard and starts buying into their hoo-haa, but as soon as he realizes what's happening, he assumes his buddha-like composure and lets them rant and rave and spin their wheels. occasionally, when he's feeling particularly feisty, he'll wait till they're done sputtering and fuming and then he'll ask, "is there any more in there?" the halfway decent ones settle down then. the twits can sometimes go another round. it doesn't matter. he's no longer caught up in their storm.
when you're dealing with evil people--it isn't personal. you're the target of the moment. when you leave, the crosshairs will easily shift to someone else.
it isn't about you. it's about them trying to convince the world that they are the center of the universe and the frustration that boils over when others won't recognize their elevated status and bow down.
the only way to win is not to play. as soon as you attempt to meet their loopy demands and accusations with logic, you lose. do what you have to do. say what you have to say. just don't get drawn into arguing or explaining (beyond an initial attempt to see if this is a reasonable person you're dealing with). once you have determined that this is an impossible person, pull waaaay back on your desire to connect. connecting with a crazy critter is like agreeing to take the wrong end of a tug of war rope. in really bad cases, the rope is electrified and you will get jolted.
people like this are rewarded by their victims' shock, anger, indignation, etc. zapping others gives them the illusion of the power they crave. and a little tastes like more.
you combat this by learning to make yourself bulletproof. google assertiveness training and look up techniques like the "broken record" and "fogging" and "negative assertion."
here's an excerpt and a link from a good article.
[font=trebuchet ms, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]assertiveness training does not teach the student to be aggressive, loud, or bullying, although it may well help them to stand up to those who are. assertiveness is not about trying to dominate others: it is a more a matter of resisting those who seek to dominate and manipulate you.
[font=trebuchet ms, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]
[font=trebuchet ms, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]if well-taught, assertiveness training can help the student recognise when they are being abused or manoeuvred for someone else's benefit, and how to resist such treatment effectively without becoming angry and aggressive.
once you have learned to protect yourself, you will find your own anger lessening and you may even reach the point where you feel compassion for people who are so needy and twisted that they constantly have to go after others. then you will be in a position of power to truly care about the person who is trapped inside that prison of hostility. you might be able to connect on your terms, you might not. but either way, you will be okay.