Your body did what?!?

emmanewgrad · Nov 12, 2011

male jumped off his roof into his back yard vegetable garden and landed ( what a coincidence eh) on one of his eggplants; with his rear!!!!! Yeap, he didn't stand with a straight face while in ed...we were amazed at the xray image, it was stuck up so high, it needed a surgical procedure. ouch!!!!

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · Nov 12, 2011

I once had to drop a Foley in a patient with anasarca so severe that his entire body had swelled up to almost twice his normal size. Unfortunately, I literally could. not. find. his member. It was lost somewhere in the basketball-sized object between his thighs that apparently was his scrotum......With the help of a flashlight and another nurse, I finally found a hole that I hoped was the right place to put a catheter and got it in on the first try, but that was just dumb luck and I knew it. I felt SO bad for the poor guy, it had to be a humiliating experience for him, and in the end it was all for naught as he died a few days later.

I have had gangrenous toes fall off in my hand. I'm afraid of it happening again, too, because there is a resident in my ALF who has three of 'em on one foot---one of which is literally hanging by a thread. ('urp'......sorry, I just threw up in my mouth a little. Feet are my Kryptonite, the one thing I canNOT handle without wanting to blow my groceries!!)

And of course, there are always........body noises. As is dead body noises. One of the very first times that I 'pronounced' a patient, a huge sigh, then a loud BURRRRRRRRRP erupted from both the north and south ends as I was helping the CNA turn her to begin postmortem care, not only scaring the bejeepers out of me but the family as well! "Oh my gosh, I thought you said she was DEAD!!!" said one of the family members accusingly. She was, of course, but none of us in the room that day knew that, um, flatulence tends to escape newly-deceased individuals via the path of least resistance.....

xtxrn, ASN, RN · Nov 12, 2011

I once had to drop a Foley in a patient with anasarca so severe that his entire body had swelled up to almost twice his normal size. Unfortunately, I literally could. not. find. his member. It was lost somewhere in the basketball-sized object between his thighs that apparently was his scrotum......With the help of a flashlight and another nurse, I finally found a hole that I hoped was the right place to put a catheter and got it in on the first try, but that was just dumb luck and I knew it. I felt SO bad for the poor guy, it had to be a humiliating experience for him, and in the end it was all for naught as he died a few days later.
I have had gangrenous toes fall off in my hand. I'm afraid of it happening again, too, because there is a resident in my ALF who has three of 'em on one foot---one of which is literally hanging by a thread. ('urp'......sorry, I just threw up in my mouth a little. Feet are my Kryptonite, the one thing I canNOT handle without wanting to blow my groceries!!)
And of course, there are always........body noises. As is dead body noises. One of the very first times that I 'pronounced' a patient, a huge sigh, then a loud BURRRRRRRRRP erupted from both the north and south ends as I was helping the CNA turn her to begin postmortem care, not only scaring the bejeepers out of me but the family as well! "Oh my gosh, I thought you said she was DEAD!!!" said one of the family members accusingly. She was, of course, but none of us in the room that day knew that, um, flatulence tends to escape newly-deceased individuals via the path of least resistance.....

:lol2:

Had a guy with progressing gangrene up one leg; I told the nurse on that wing to not freak out if the toes fell off during the dressing change ( :confused: ). The poor nurse nearly fell over. She thought the smell was going to be the worst of it- she didn't plan on souvenirs

Yeah- dead folks do get a bit noisy Doesn't take them long to firm up, either.... had a nurse who didn't put the HOB down (was waiting for word on what to do with a body donation)..... didn't look good going to the morgue on a stretcher, looking like he was lounging at the beach.

I worked with a nurse who could find a member ANYWHERE- and get a condom cath to hang on for dear life for the duration of the shift. It was amazing. It started out looking like a second navel....and ended up adorned. Amazing she was. :)

workingharder · Nov 12, 2011

"I worked with a nurse who could find a member ANYWHERE..."

I'm sorry, that one just conjured up too many funny pictures.

KSRN2b · Nov 12, 2011

I'm a 1st semester nursing student. Everyone who posted in this thread--thank you so much for the huge belly laugh :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: Have you thought about taking your show on the road? :yeah:BTW, I'm certain everything you posted here is true. Who could possibly make this stuff up?

KSRN2b · Nov 12, 2011

P.S. I get that some of the posts were serious. Just love the hysterically funny reactions.

NoviceRN10 · Nov 12, 2011

I had a pt suffering from constiation so he was doing GoLytley. Well, he had a BM that was so large, it basically took up the ENTIRE bowl part of the toilet. Picture poop instead of water, that's what it was like. And not runny poop...thick poop! We didn't even attempt to flush it; called facilities instead, LOL! :anpom:

That reminds me of the pt who came to our unit from a few days stay in the ICU. I got the privilege of giving him an enema because he hadn't had a bowel movement in over a week. Lucky me got to be the person who returned to the room after he got results. The man had stuck a bedpan on a chair next to his bed and COMPLETELY filled it up with muddy stool :eek: . Of course there was liquid stool splashed all around the chair and the floor as well :down: .

SophiaO · Nov 12, 2011

There was a mental health pt who would swallow her hair. Well after awhile...the hair had nowhere to go. So we had to do surgery on her. Opened her stomach up and inside there was a hairball that looked exactly like......her stomach. 7 years later there is still a picture in the OR of the hairball shaped like stomach. Really .....really gross!!

linzjane88 · Nov 12, 2011

More! More!

I enjoy this!

beckster_01, BSN, RN · Nov 13, 2011

I like this thread too :) I don't laugh-- or groan-- out loud very often when I'm reading, but my dog is looking at me like I'm nuts right now!

9livesRN, BSN, RN · Nov 13, 2011

Hahahha my first prolapsed uterus I called the MD hahahah I was the RN on duty patient fought uterus out and rectum out as well,

He said push back uterus, and put sugar on the rectum, once it softens push it in and tape it down! Foam tape was then my best friend!

JeneraterRN · Nov 13, 2011

Has anyone seen Whispera? I'm afraid she may be laying on the floor somewhere...

All of the poop stories reminded me of a man I took care of back as an aide. He wouldn't take a daily bowel maintenance dose of anything, and also took iron pills. Between the chronic constipation with low fluid intake, a megacolon, and iron pills, the man pooped fence posts. He'd always ask for an enema, and would bleed when he was done going, poor man. The worst part was that they were unflushable. You had to fish them out and put them in a biohazard bag! Nasty!