Young, Unfit, Drug Addicted, etc. Mothers

shay · Oct 24, 2004

:angryfire :crying2: :angryfire

Omg, that girl is just a year older than me. That would make it around the year 1989-1990!!! What the #@!! ??? No offense to the older generation of nurses here, but those nurses sound straight out of the 50's, not the late 80's/early 90's!!!! That poor girl. I hope she rose above all of that.

NurseHeather · Oct 24, 2004

Shay covered it brilliantly. (you go, girl!!!).
I just will add, it helps for you to come to grips with your values and belief systems early-on. Be aware of your prejudices ( and yes, we all have them)--- and also stand ready to have them challenged EACH and EVERY day you are on the job. Not just by your patients, but also by family members, coworkers and associates on the job.
You have to, at times, suspend these feelings you have in order to render compassionate and nonjudgmental care to people in all walks of life and from all social situations. You will meet tough cases. That is a given. The drug-users are not the toughest for me. For me, it's abusers of women and children.
But each of us has to overcome our own personal feelings to rise to the occasion, or we burn out very quickly. Have in place a good outside support system (outside work)--- be that your spouse, or significant other, friends, family or clergy. Do NOT take work home with you. This takes experience and time to learn to do this, but it is ESSENTIAL in order to avoid inevitable burnout otherwise. Pray, if inclined. Meditate. Take care of your own physical , emotional and spiritual needs and you will be better-able to cope with situations that challenge you to the core when you are at work.
That is my best advice as an experienced OB/GYN nurse. Good luck to you!

To all of the L&D nurses out there:

One of my bigger concerns about this topic has always bothered me...

I am going to be graduating this December, and I have accepted a full time night position as a GN -RN on the labor unit at my local hospital, and I wonder if they send these babies home regularly with mothers who they know are drug addicted. I hope that this is not the case, or is it so common that they just do it anyway? I am not sure if I will be able to forget about that baby when it goes home. I won't be able to not think that mom will be shooting up and passing out, while that little innocent baby is crying to be fed, changed, or just held by its mom. So, how do you experienced nurses come to terms with this if it is true what I am saying, or does child protective services get involved? Thanks for any help on this.. Heather :uhoh21:

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · Oct 24, 2004

:angryfire :angryfire
Omg, that girl is just a year older than me. That would make it around the year 1989-1990!!! What the #@!! ??? No offense to the older generation of nurses here, but those nurses sound straight out of the 50's, not the late 80's/early 90's!!!! That poor girl. I hope she rose above all of that.

Me too, Shay. I remember most of the nurses on that floor were middle-aged or older.......this was 1988 actually, and it was a Mennonite hospital, where some of them still wore plain high-necked dresses and prayer caps. Not to slam anyone's religion, but it did seem to me that the attitudes in this hospital were pretty old-fashioned and judgmental. In fact, one nurse even tried to forbid ME to leave the floor, telling me that I'd have to ask the doctor for permission to have a cigarette out on the balcony. I just looked at her and said, "I'm 30 years old........do you have any idea how long it's been since I had to 'ask permission' to do ANYTHING??" :rolleyes:

nursepearl · Oct 24, 2004

:) when i was in nursing school i wanted to be an L&D nurse so that none of my patients would have to go through what i did. But, I am now an oncology nurse, but i sure as heck give my patients all the respect in the world. i am known for loving the "difficult" patients and having the best days with them....its amazing what a little respect will do.

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · Oct 24, 2004

I hear what you're saying, nursepearl. I'm the same way---the ones others find hard to love are usually the ones I get along with best. :) Some people are just jerks, but I've found that if you scratch most 'difficult' patients, you'll find a scared and sad human being underneath. I've also learned that simply spending five or ten minutes with them when you make walking rounds, listening to their concerns and assuring them that their needs will be met, sets the tone for the entire shift, and instead of being on their call light every 2 minutes they might call once every hour, or even less often if they know they can count on you to be there when you say you will.

JMHO. :)

PegRNBSN · Oct 25, 2004

I just had a patient yesterday who was 17 and having her third child. She used drugs and had both of her other children taken away. I was the charge nurse and admitted her to the unit. When she came in I made a little joke and touched her arm while I listened to the baby. She told me that it was the first time any nurse had smiled at her or touched her if they didn't "have" to. I couldn't get over how sad it is that my fellow nurses could treat her so poorly. While I feel anger and sadness over her bringing another child into this world, I could never treat her with less dignity than anyone else. Every patient is here because they need my care. What got them there is irrelevant to how they are cared for.

I find it the most difficult to take care of patients who are rude or abusive to me. I always tell them that I will treat them with respect and I would apprecicate it if they returned the same to me. In almost every case they respond with a change in behavior. I also always try to look beyond how they are treating me and look for the why.

SmilingBluEyes · Oct 25, 2004

Way to go, Peg. It's hard not to become "hardened" by tough cases, but we owe it to our patients, the community, and most of all, ourselves NOT to allow this to happen to us. If we do, it is truly time to move on.

shay · Oct 25, 2004

Aw, how sad for that girl, Peg. I'm the same way, it's the rude and abusive ones I don't like. I find most drug users are not rude and abusive if you simply treat them with kindness.

reprise · Oct 26, 2004

As the mother of one of those young mums to be who everybody and their dog (including myself) thought should have terminated the pregnancy, I'd just like to tell those of you who are able to suspend your judgements long enough to offer help what a difference your support makes.

This time last year my daughter was an inpatient in a psychiatric ward as a result of her depression and its attendant suicidal and homicidal ideation. Today, she is a (mostly) confident, self-assured young woman who while apprehensive about what the future holds is pretty sure it holds in store positive things. What her psychiatric care team could not accomplish, her midwives have. To sit here this morning and listen to this young women who was so afraid of life 12 months ago explain to her sister why she isn't scared of the pain of giving birth was a simply amazing experience - the support which you offer young women like my daughter has consequences which extend far beyond their pregnancy, labour, and delivery, and I hope that one day my daughter will pick up the phone or a pen and let every one of those midwives know that they made a difference which - literally - changed her life.

Montessori Mommy · Oct 26, 2004

Thank you so much to all who have posted on this great thread! As someone who is applying to nursing school this week, I've learned so much from you.

I wish some of the people who don't appreciate the difficult job that nurses have could read the heartfelt things you shared. I now know that I'm heading in the right direction in my career choice.

Again, thanks for sharing!!

rn500 · Nov 1, 2004

Nurse Heather - as to your question, I find that in many cases, babies do go home with mothers who have tested positive for drug use. Apparently, that in itself is not a reason t keep a baby from going home with mom. What happens after they go home, I can't say. We do social service consults on a lot of our moms - teenage, drugs, and other problems - but it rarely results in a protective service situation.

Everyone on this thread has been very positive and upbeat about dealing with pts like this on a regular basis, but I must tell you that after a lot of years it wears on you. Or on me, anyway. While I am taking care of a pt, I set aside my feelings and try to be as helpful and compassionate as I can, but I have found over the years that it is SO hard not become cynical and maybe even somewhat bitter over what some women do to their poor unborn babies. For me and many other nurses I work with, we have to work at overcoming it daily. I think in a way, I am LUCKY that I went through some similar experiences as a young unwed mom - no drugs, but struggling with welfare, food stamps and the way people percieve you - that has helped me try to keep in mind that I have NO idea what these women's lives were like before they stepped through our door. But I'll tell ya, some days it's just plain hard. We do alot of letting off steam to each other behind closed doors.

You may ask, why do I stay in OB then? I guess because I know that every where you go you will run into pts whose "life choices" are not the same as you would have made. I don't think there's any getting around that. And maybe I think that I still have some worthwhile contribution in me to make to these girls.

I don't want to discourage you, it's just the realities of the nursing life over time. The babies are still sweet even after all these years! You will often find one or more of us wandering to the nursery during a lull in the night, just to rock a baby for a little while.

xmaxiex · Nov 2, 2004

Once a "young mom" I was treated with contempt . Only one nurse was not judgemental and she was the only one I dared asked a question of . She never made me feel incompetant as a new mom and truly took the time to teach me what I needed to know !