Young, Unfit, Drug Addicted, etc. Mothers

shanyone · Aug 2, 2007

Kudos to all the nurses at St. Vincents in Toledo, OH 14 years and 2 months ago!! And all the other OB nurses who've responded with kindness and compassion to other young mothers throughout the world. The nurses who helped me through labor and delivery when I was 16 were amazing and helpful. I have always been amazed at how good I was treated in the hospital. At the time my parents weren't very pleased with me so we weren't on speaking terms. One of my parents wanted me to give my baby up for adoption and the other wanted me to have an abortion, so they weren't speaking to me after I decided against these two things. I knew I couldn't live with myself if I gave my baby away and at the time I wouldn't even consider abortion.

Anyway, my son is now just about to turn 15. He's a good kid without (hopefully) too many scars from being raised by a single mom most of his life. He makes good grades and is starting a Catholic high school this year. He's amazingly athletic and as social as they come. Everyone who meets him loves him. I am in nursing school for two more years and even though I have no desire to be an OB nurse, I do plan to treat my patients with compassion always. And if I can't treat them with compassion and respect then I won't care for them.

I am certain there were nurses who treated me who didn't agree with my decisions (just as my parents didn't) but they never let on and they helped me learn how to take care of my little guy. I remember being scared to death to bring him home (to foster care, because at that time I wasn't old enough to be on my own, but my parents didn't want me to come home with them). It was an absolutly mortifying time for me but the ONLY thing that got me through was a sincere hatred of failing (because my parents insisted that I would) and the intense love I felt for my baby. I've always held that tenacity to survive near to my heart and things have always had a way of working themselves out (I think God loves me:). There were many, many lean years when we ate a lot of ramen noodles and the lights were shut off and such, but we made it and we are close because of it.

I am sorry this is so long and if you've gotten this far, you'll be happy to know that I am now great friends with my mom and dad. I totally believe you have to forgive if you want to be happy and I know they didn't mean to hurt me and I certainly didn't mean to hurt them. I'm actually thankful for the way I lived and the decisions I made. I think they made me a better person. I know I really appreciate that I always have enough to eat now! And I hope I'll be able to draw on my experiences to help someone else in the future through a rough time in their life.

Shanyone

33-weeker · Aug 4, 2007

As a nursery nurse, I have watched this so often and had to deal with my feelings about what kind of home the babies are going home to. It is hard.

The sad thing is that the system is getting overburdened. Not that long ago, + UDS meant CPS went to court and took custody, sent the baby home with someone else, usually foster family. Nowadays its just a 'safety plan' and baby goes home with a relative or even mom. Like anyone is going to really follow that. Sure - let's just send them home into bad environments so they can be brought up to follow in their parents' footsteps - makes a lot of sense. - NOT

I kindly care for my patients, but I do everything possible to catch the baby's first urine. I have CPS on 'speed dial'. That's all you can do.

The real battle is with the law makers. Hopefully soon - before the whole system collapses - our government will stop paying mothers to have baby after baby (estimates are that this would cut the illegitimacy rate by 40% right off the bat), and make laws so that + drug moms will get one chance at a good rehab, then with the next pregnancy + for drugs, be offered the choice between hard prison time or a tubal ligation.

If they avoided prenatal care just for this reason, all the more reason they should lose custody of their kid. There needs to be tough consequences for this reckless behavior or it won't change.