Young, Unfit, Drug Addicted, etc. Mothers

SmilingBluEyes · Oct 22, 2004

Excellent post, imenid!

beckabeckahi · Oct 22, 2004

I am still in nursing school, so I'm sure this is a bit idealistic but bottom line is "We are the patients ADVOCATE." As nurses, we are going to come in contact with all types of folks that are doing things that challenge our moral beliefs. So I guess thats when its time to teach ourselves "coping skills" that allow us to give the best patient care and still be true to ourselves.

Thanks for the thought provoking post.

SmilingBluEyes · Oct 22, 2004

You are absolutely right, Becka. But sometimes, it's easier said than done for many reasons. Don't forget, sometimes we have things going in our lives that challenge us even MORE to stand up and render our best care in any case. After 7 years, I have learned there are some days I cannot cope with situations like this, and will find a willing coworker to deal with it that shift. It's ok to find ways to cope, if need be. If you don't take care of yourself, you cannot be an advocate for anyone, let alone those who challenge you.

beckabeckahi · Oct 22, 2004

You are absolutely right, Becka. But sometimes, it's easier said than done for many reasons. Don't forget, sometimes we have things going in our lives that challenge us even MORE to stand up and render our best care in any case. After 7 years, I have learned there are some days I cannot cope with situations like this, and will find a willing coworker to deal with it that shift. It's ok to find ways to cope, if need be. If you don't take care of yourself, you cannot be an advocate for anyone, let alone those who challenge you.

aahh, yes. We are HUMAN too. Thanks for the words of experience--I'll tuck them away.

shay · Oct 22, 2004

GO Shay! I always found the most important thing was remembering that it was too late for me to stop unprepared parents from having babies, so I might as well try to make the experience as positive as possible.

Exactly. Bravo! Give a young mother your time and patience, tell her she's doing a good job, give her the tools to parent her child...young mothers can be amazing.

I agree, I have taken care of many older women who had NO business having kids. They thought of children as accessories, not actual people. You know, a cute little baby to dress up and show off, to be seen and not heard. Barf. And I have seen just as many young moms rise to the occasion so beautifully. They take that babe into their arms, and you can just see them change. Right there. It's truly amazing. :)

It's not the addicts I have a hard time with, either, ironically. The kind of patient I cannot STAND is the kind of patient who is so self centered and selfish and prissy and just thinks the universe revolves around her, and her baby is merely an afterthought. One of those "think of children as accessories" patients. I just want to smack them and tell them "NEWSFLASH HONEY, IT AIN'T ABOUT YOU ANYMORE!!" Aaaaagggghhhh!! I have to do a lot of deep breathing with those women.

alphafe · Oct 22, 2004

These are just amazing answers -- thank you, everyone. They will help me out one day.

As I thought about this I realized that providing care for a batterer, drunk driver, rapist, etc. would be A LOT harder than for a disenfranchised mother. Guess I'd better start a new thread!

You all ROCK!

rnmi2004 · Oct 23, 2004

Shay & others have posted excellent ideas.

I have read many uplifting stories about people who were once in various unpleasant situations--people who were alcoholics, drug users, etc. You don't read about people making changes in their lives because of nurses, doctors, etc. treating them like dirt. When you treat someone with the compassion they probably never received anywhere else, you are doing what you can to help get the person out of the hole they are in.

breastfeedingRN · Oct 23, 2004

like i said on another post. i try to connect with all my patients somehow. even if they are difficult for me for whatever reason. sometimes it is the simplest thing that i can kind of "relate" to. this helps me hold myself accountable for providing the care that i would want myself or a loved one to receive.

as for the actual question of unfit, etc moms, i am probably a bit optimistic in believing that just one person actually showing them respect and belief in their abilities can give them the courage to turn their lives around for their baby.

nursepearl · Oct 23, 2004

As a teen mom who had a horrible birth experience, I wish i had Shay and smilingblueeyes as my nurse! I wont go into too much detail, but basically, i was treated like a second class citizen.....offered no pain meds, she only checked the monitors and not me, and acted like i was a waste of time.

She even asked my mother if she was ready for another baby (implying that she would be taking care of my son)!

There has been some awesome advice given here, please take it to heart....and most of all dont judge your patients, just care for them as if they were a member of your family.

Pearl

Ps. my baby is now 7 years-old and the only thing i look forward to coming home from work (besides sleeping.... :chuckle )

alphafe · Oct 23, 2004

Nursepearl,

I'm so sorry for what you went through. I know an older nurse who said they routinely treated anyone but white, middle-class, married mothers like s***. I'm SO glad those days are over.

I've gained SO much from this thread, I got so much more than I thought I would by posting here.

What can be more important than empowering a woman to do anything, but ESPECIALLY to be a mother?

Thanks again to everyone who opened my heart and mind today!

shay · Oct 24, 2004

As a teen mom who had a horrible birth experience, I wish i had Shay and smilingblueeyes as my nurse! I wont go into too much detail, but basically, i was treated like a second class citizen.....offered no pain meds, she only checked the monitors and not me, and acted like i was a waste of time.
She even asked my mother if she was ready for another baby (implying that she would be taking care of my son)!
There has been some awesome advice given here, please take it to heart....and most of all dont judge your patients, just care for them as if they were a member of your family.
Pearl
Ps. my baby is now 7 years-old and the only thing i look forward to coming home from work (besides sleeping.... :chuckle )

:crying2: Omg, bless your heart. That makes me want to kick those nurses' collective orifices and give you a big hug. That makes me so angry. :angryfire

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · Oct 24, 2004

Omg, bless your heart. That makes me want to kick those nurses' collective orifices and give you a big hug. That makes me so angry. :angryfire

Reminds me of an experience I had when I gave birth to my oldest son at age 30. I was in a semi-private room with a 16-year-old mom, and it just killed my soul to see the way she was treated by the staff......even with a big supportive family present most of the time, they watched her like hawks and wouldn't let her keep the baby in the room. They were constantly lecturing her and urging her to give up the child for adoption. She couldn't even go off the floor without permission from a nurse, while I, of course, had the run of the place and didn't have to answer to anyone if I wanted to go out to smoke (which I did in those days) or downstairs to the gift shop. Over the next two days we became friends, and I taught her how to care for her baby while she talked of her dreams for him; sometimes we would go out on the balcony together when our babies were in the nursery, and we'd share cigarettes and our plans for their future.

The night before we were both to be discharged, she asked her nurse, per "the rules", if she could go out to smoke and was flat-out told "NO!!" That was when I went to the nurses' station and informed the charge nurse that I was taking her out with me, as usual. The nurse got rather huffy and said no, she has to stay here on the floor.....to which I said "Look, I'm not asking you, I'm TELLING you---this little girl deserves a break. If you need her, she'll be out on the balcony with me."

That was almost a generation ago, but I've never forgotten how mean those nurses were to this girl, whose only 'crime' was being an unwed teen mom from a poor family. And whenever I'm working OB and caring for a young mom, I think of her--now a woman of 32--and wonder how things turned out for her and her baby.