Yep. I have no friends in school.

[rheath22]

I have been in my program for a year and a half, it's a 4 year BSN. I came as a transfer student. I am a little older, I am 28. A huge chunk of my cohorts are under 21, and a bunch are about my age with kids and there is a few who are older (40+). I really love my teachers, but my classmates make me feel like I'm a alien from outer space.

I have studied with a girl from one of my classes, but I feel like she is always annoyed with me. I asked her if she wanted to study for finals together and she said she was going out of town and was going to study while driving down there. I told her okay and that I hoped everything was okay.

Then I go to school to study, and she's there with another group of girls. Ouch.

My brother goes to a local state college and (mine is private) and he said it's because my school has a reputation of having stuck up girls.

They all get along together and then there is me, a little bigger (wt wise), my hair isn't perfect every day (I have 2 kids and my husband travels, and I work in evenings), and I don't have any piercings/tattoos. I'm pretty plain. I speak up in class, and try and talk to people but they just don't seem to like me. What is wrong with me?

[level27]

Good luck In NS! Maybe friends outside of school would be better. People in ns can have cliques.

[lgp16]

I'm so glad I'm not the only one in this situation. I have felt like I am back in high school at times throughout my program. Most of my classmates are younger than me, and it's probably to my disadvantage that I like to study alone but it has taken me until the end of 2 semesters to feel like I've really gotten to know any of my classmates. I'm not into cliques, I want to be friends with everyone so maybe that's why I have felt like I don't fit in. Anyway you are not alone in the way you feel, just focus on getting through it and getting your degree, that's what I've had to tell myself.

[cycleboy1]

Nothing is wrong with you. You are not alone. Sadly, this happens too often. A friend I rarely get to see due to being in RN school asked me what is my biggest challenge in nursing school; I shared three. One of the three is feeling like an outcast because there's not a single click/group where I fit in or am even asked to try to fit in; when I do try, there's no effort on the part of others to help with the journey. So I stick it out alone. My wife shares it is because I'm in my 50's, and a father figure (so to write) as most of my classmates are in their 20's (a handful in their 30's, a smaller handful in their 40's) and I'm just one of seven males in my graduating class (the oldest guy besides me is in his 30's).

My last advanced med surg clinical was a sim/lab. The week prior I brought in a card for everyone to sign and give to the staff at the cardiac step down unit were we had our clinical. Two ladies where missing because they had sim that week (mine was the following). My instructor asked if I wanted her to give the "thank you card" to the staff that Thursday I was there (vs. the following week), and I said wait until next week to make sure the other two ladies got to sign the card as well. To me, that's trying to think of everyone. That week came, they signed, and then took a group photo (I was in sim) of everyone there (but me), and posted it on Facebook sharing with everyone this was their clinical group (no mention of me; i.e. Peter had sim that day, and couldn't be in the picture). Awkward.

I don't think it's me; I don't think it's you. I think it's a combination of factors including the current generation that would fight for the 1 in 2,400 in America that is transgender to use a bathroom of their choice, yet not have the same empathy for a fellow classmate to help them feel a part of the team.

What I continue to do, and hope that it will make a difference in the long run, is to do my best to be nice to all nursing students (no matter the semester), and professors. I'll continue to do thank you cards. I will continue to hope and pray for change. Yet, I will not let it get me down if change doesn't happen (I'm not in control). I would recommend that you continue to be yourself, continue to love your teachers and everyone around you, continue to talk, etc.

I really like your attitude and the advice you give-mine would be very similar. I am essentially the same demographic as you. Male, older(50) going to start nursing program in the fall at a community college. I too was a little concerned about 'fitting in" for a couple of reasons.

Finding like minded people to study with, vent with etc is important especially during stressful times. This is not something that is natural for me but realize how important it is. This is essentially one of the core aspects of nursing-relating to people whether or not we are caring for them or not. Don't stop being yourself but take a hard look to see if there is some behavior holding you back.

The whole process will be more fun! Especially being able to share the war stories with people who have been there and survived.

Bottom line, I hope to be able to connect with a few people come this fall but if it doesn't happen I will look other places for support. Starting on this site. Other schools. Other students ahead of me. Etc.

Like someone else has pointed out, nursing school is about becoming a nurse not socializing. If you can make some productive connections all the better.

[pmabraham, BSN, RN]

Bottom line, I hope to be able to connect with a few people come this fall but if it doesn't happen I will look other places for support. Starting on this site. Other schools. Other students ahead of me. Etc.

Like someone else has pointed out, nursing school is about becoming a nurse not socializing. If you can make some productive connections all the better.

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. I had to smile the morning of our last final of the 3rd semester. Advanced medical surgical nursing where the point system was set up that even people who went into the exam with an extremely strong A could fail the entire class if they did poorly on the final. I put out a message to our graduating class FB group that I was in the exam room 2 hours early if anyone wanted to get together... and a classmate quickly texted stating she was on her way... so we did get to go over somethings as a small group; and I was even invited (for the 1st time in three semesters) to go out for a drink with them after the exam (well for me, it was lunch and a half a glass of beer).

You have a good attitude of pointing out that if connections don't happen as you would like, you will look for other places for support. Good attitude, and follow through with it.

[p0m3]

I found that people will come to you whenever they need answers/explanations/help for school, but besides that, you're invisible. You're not good enough for them to hang out with. Not even good enough for a simple hello if I see you in the hallway. You only come to me cause you know I can help you. You end up feeling used.

This has been my experience this past year and it does hurt.

[vintagemother, BSN, CNA, LVN, RN]

In my LVN school, only 1 year long, I made wonderful friends! Many of us are still very close going on 3 yrs after graduation.

In my RN program, also 1 year, I have only a few people I'd consider friends-

I've often wondered about why this is.

I've come to the conclusion that the people in one program were more down to earth.

Whereas in my other program, people are more competitive and also sheltered.

[Conqueror+, BSN, RN]

I was the baby in my class (19). I was like everybody's mascot/little sister until those first grades were posted. I went from adored to despised. Fast forward to the end of the program and my classmates threatened to boycott graduation if I gave the commencement speech. I was given the opportunity to bow out. I did not. Everyone clapped when a name was called and someone walked across the stage. When my name was called they all sat down and clammed up in unison. At the age of 20 it hurt badly and was a lot to take. I gave that speech with pride and have never regretted my decision. I was not there for them. I was there for me, Conqueror+. Nurse extraordinaire. Kick rocks. Succeed and leave them in your rearview.

[GourmandG]

After reading your post, I was moved to open an account so I can respond to you. I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this difficult time. I've gone through something similar and I recently found out another classmate is going through this too! It can be very lonely and I hope you find my suggestions helpful.

1. Don't be too sensitive/ take things personally/ give up too easily: No one likes to feel rejected but the answer is always no” unless if you ask! I asked a handful of classmates before I found the right person to study with. Because you are a transfer student, you are at a disadvantage and have to work extra hard to fit in and catch up socially and be on the same level as everyone else. It's a tough spot to try and invite someone new to join an established group for fear of disrupting the flow and sadly, there is a possibility that maybe someone in the group doesn't like you (because they don't know you or you offended them somehow without meaning to). If I ran into the girl whom was supposed to be out of town, I would have said hi and asked her, I see that your trip got canceled. I hope everything's ok?” Maybe her trip did get canceled and another girl asked her to study and she accepted. If she was an invitee herself, it makes sense that she wouldn't have invited you. Or you could have made a joke and said, Busted! Fess up, you just didn't want to study with me! Do I smell funny or something?” She is more inclined to laugh and hopefully have a good explanation. By reacting awkwardly, she will feel awkward in return and you may not recover from that.

2. The woe is me attitude/ not respecting yourself: I doubt they are turned off by your hair and weight but if you believe it will make a difference, then do something about it! Spend a few minutes doing your hair, put it in a stylish braid, or curl it the night before. Get a different haircut that is more manageable in the mornings. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with you or that you should change for others but you can be a better version of yourself and still remain true to yourself. Being healthy and making more of an effort appearance wise, will do wonders for your self-esteem! This shows you respect yourself and others will start to respect you too. When you look good, you feel good and others will be drawn to your confidence, positivity and happiness. Put your best foot forward.

3. Make more of an effort, find your niche and know your audience”: I couldn't tell if you only reached out to these younger girls but you said you don't have tattoos/piercings and they are younger… So why try and fit into a group that you don't appear to have anything in common with? I would go for the classmates that are in your age range with kids or the older classmates. Don't all parents love to show off their kids' pictures? Show yours off and see if there's a play date in the future! The kids can play and the adults can study. Or if you hear someone talking about their pet, jump in and ask what kind of dog they have and do they have any pictures? The point is to get to know them and give them a chance to know you. Put yourself on their radar. Ask what they did over the weekend. Find a common ground and build on it. If their kid was sick or practicing for a recital, remember to follow up and ask about that next time.

4. Accountability/ Self- reflection time: Maybe there is something wrong with the vibe you're giving off. Are you an introvert and shy but give off the impression that you are standoffish? You mentioned you speak up in class. Could you be coming off as a know-it-all and a teacher's pet? If you met yourself, would you want to be your friend? Do you smile, always greet people and have an approachable vibe? Do make the effort and talk to the person sitting next to you and get to know them. You can't expect to get invited to a study group if all they have to go on is how you present yourself. Do you have frazzled hair and appear to just have rolled out of bed? Do you always rush off after class in a hurry? You may give the impression that you are unorganized, too busy or don't have your act together.

5. Lastly, I agree with direw0lf's suggestions. Definitely don't take yourself too seriously and laugh it off. Nursing school is already stressful enough, people want to be around others whom make them feel at ease and are fun to be around. And do find out why the other girl didn't want to study with you. In my case, there was a classmate that I stopped studying with because she had really bad breath! I always ended up quizzing her and she never asked me any questions so it wasn't beneficial to me. And lastly, she was very negative and had a lot of excuses. She was someone whom I would constantly need to bring up and that's something she needed to do for herself.

Please keep us posted. I'd like to know if you've taken any of our suggestions and can't wait to hear how you've turned things around! Good luck!

[whatwasithinking75]

Nothing wrong with you. It takes a while to make friends in nursing programs. Don't worry by the time 4 years comes you'll have a handful of life long friends. You're going to become close because no one out in "the real world" can relate to experiences. I have ONE friend out of a class of 40 and that's all I needed to help me get through this. Nursing school is tough... Hard work.. Sometimes it's better to be alone there's a lot of drama if you get involved with the wrong "clique" don't fret it will happen naturally. Good luck!

[DoeRN]

I ended up having 2 by the time I graduated. I'm an introvert and usually sat in the back of the class so I could be alone. During clinicals the popular MRS degree students were with me for the majority of clinicals and they talked to me but I never made friends with them because I was older and I was there for an actual degree/career not what they were there for. Someone else said you aren't there to make friends and that was me. I was there to learn.

So we had this new professor and she was tough and it was midway through the program and a lot of people didn't pass her class. A little over 1/2 of the program didn't pass. So it was a big uproar and I ended up making my 2 friends because we were some of the few that actually passed and did well in the class. So yeah just be yourself and I'm sure you'll meet someone.

[LaterAlligator]

I'm in my last quarter of an ADN program and while I'm friendly and polite with my whole cohort, I really am only actual friends with one classmate.

You know that quote "comparison is the thief of joy"? I reflect on that when I feel like everyone else has bonded more, or is more comfortable in the situation, than I am.