Wy Can't We Nurture Ourselves?

renerian, BSN, RN · Dec 25, 2003

I do try to support all people I just sometimes use humor to facilitate it. Good topic to pose.

Nice to see you posting,

renerian

mattsmom81 · Dec 25, 2003

I see ugly gossip, petty vindictiveness and kick the cat behavior...from the doctors and nurses, to family members, to the housekeepers. People cope with unmanageable stresses in bad ways sometimes...taking it out on each other.

Once this bad behavior has become entrenched in a unit/facility...it is sooo hard to deal with productively and not end up swallowed up.

I'm in this kind of environment myself Vicky and understand your frustration. The problems are tipping the scales for me, although up to now I have stayed in my ICU due to enjoying my group of coworkers, I see a trend which may end in my departure...for my own wellbeing. What you describe can have a devastating effect on our morale.

jenac · Dec 25, 2003

I have seen all too often the vindictive, childish behavior you're describing. I've watched excellent nurses chased off because so-and-so doesn't like her. Or a dedicated nurse set up because someone doesn't like her"style". I myself am having to deal with back-bitting and cattiness just because I happened to get a position so-and-so wanted. I've had to deal with pettiness-not to mention flat out lowhandedness, because so-and-so is friends with the scheduler.

When all I ever wanted to do was be a good nurse, work hard and be proud of my accomplishments-like so many others in my position before me.

Renerian- I also try to be supportive of everyone. It takes to much energy to be nasty, and it's just not in me.

To he** with them- I'm not there for friends. I go to work-do my best-and feed my family in the process.

DelightNP · Dec 25, 2003

I've seen that type of behavior in other fields, too, not just nursing. There are petty, vindictive, mean-spirited people everywhere.

I think nurses do themselves a disservice by thinking of themselves purely as nurturers and not as skilled caregivers, and expect that everything will always be sweetness and light. Because, you know, nursing is a calling and not a profession.

VickyRN, MSN, DNP, RN · Dec 25, 2003

I think nurses do themselves a disservice by thinking of themselves purely as nurturers and not as skilled caregivers, and expect that everything will always be sweetness and light. Because, you know, nursing is a calling and not a profession.

I think nursing is both a calling and a profession. I also think we are both nurturers and skilled caregivers--we minister to the patient as a whole person--spirit, soul, and body.

I know nursing is not all sweetness and light (in fact the "sugar and spice and everything nice" moments in nursing are very rare, if they exist at all). Most of the time nursing is tough as nails. It is a very stressful career, not for the fainthearted, not for those who give up easily.

I guess my point is some of this "love and caring" that we show our patients--we need to spread a little around to ourselves--to our coworkers, old and young. A little goodwill, kindness, and compassion goes a long way in a tough profession.

teeituptom, BSN, RN · Dec 25, 2003

As a nurse I do nurture, I go and play golf.

If young nurse want to be nurtured thet can join me on the golf course.

SmilingBluEyes · Dec 25, 2003

Originally posted by teeituptom
As a nurse I do nurture, I go and play golf.
If young nurse want to be nurtured thet can join me on the golf course.

:roll

ERKev · Dec 25, 2003

Originally posted by VickyRN
As nurses, we are entrusted with the most vulnerable of society. We watch over the frail elderly, take care of laboring mothers and newborn babies. We are responsible for critically ill children on life support. Always we do our best to bring healing to those who are in our care--wholeness to spirit, soul, and body.
The word "nursing" in English connotates a young mother tenderly nurturing her child.
We do such a wonderful job of taking care of so many people--why can't we nurture ourselves?
Instead, we cannibalize those in our ranks who are young; those who we perceive as being weak, infirm.
Kind of ironic isn't it?

VickyRN, this is a topic I'm SURE will open a can of worms! I agree TOTALLY. I have seen this (and been victim to it) many times, in fact I brought out an issue on one of the discussion boards here expecting (hoping for) some consideration, advice and compassion and instead got trashed. Happens a lot. I don't understand why and I cannot blame it on stress. I, personally, try to take any new grads or new people under my wing, so to speak. I'm glad for the help and glad to have fresh viewpoints and new people around. Keeps things from getting stagnant!:)

ERKev

P_RN, ADN, RN · Dec 25, 2003

For a long time we had a NM who exuded love. We had such a nice atmosphere going and we hardly ever had turnover. I can only recall perhaps half dozen times there was any hard feelings and those times were far apart. We had dinners, we had parties (2 each) so the on and off shifters both could attend. It was NICE. She retired.

Then..........the new one would hire with barely any interview and then trash the new people to the staff. Preceptors would be given 2,3 or 4 to precept at the same time and then be criticized when the new one made an error. I saw it a couple dozen times. Nurse eating at its worst. Cronyism, favoritism, backbiting, tattletaling etc etc etc.

You are so right. The new ones need nurturing, and us old ones need it too. I tried to keep it up but soon it was MY turn to be "it." We've all been "it" haven't we?

I'm happy to be gone from there though I do miss my co-workers, I will never say I miss HER.

Tweety, BSN, RN · Dec 25, 2003

Originally posted by VickyRN
A little goodwill, kindness, and compassion goes a long way in a tough profession.

I think you're dead on right here!

I'd like to think though that most of us are struggling along in our profession, that most of us aren't backstabbing and eating our young. That while we may not exhibit a lot of kindess and compassion towards each other, it's not all that bad.

I think sometimes the mean ones overshadow the rest of us who are in our own little worlds working our butts off. Especially if you are the brunt of it. I've seen students get eaten up and then generalize "why do nurses eat their young", when only a few bad apples are trying to spoil the whole bunch.

Frankly, it's enough sometimes for me to get through the day in one piece, without having to nurture my coworkers. I wish at the very least we offer one another respect. Wouldn't that be nice?

DelightNP · Dec 25, 2003

Try as I might, I just don't understand the argument that this behavior is exclusive to nursing or that nursing should be exempt from it. This sort of behavior is ubiquitous.

I think we are our own worst enemies a lot of the time... and the image of a Florence Nightengalian angel of mercy female nurse who is "called" to the sick to heal and save them with no interests of her own is part of the problem. The sooner we realize that we are highly skilled, educated professional people and assert ourselves to management for the benefits and salaries we require, the better off we'll be, nurse eating or no.

Besides, I happen to believe that Darwin wasn't all wrong.