Would you have a child because you thought you would regret it later on if you didn't

suzanne4, RN · Oct 26, 2005

Never had one and do not regret it all. Kids work great for some, and not for others. I love taking care of them..............but always preferred not having my own.

ZASHAGALKA, RN · Oct 26, 2005

I mean, what if I don't and I'm old and I can't do anything about it??

I think that might absolutely be a major factor, but not the only one, or even the most major one - you have to WANT a child, also.

And I'm a big believer that children should have 2 parents, whenever possible. I wouldn't go out on the single parent limb just to say I have a kid. Being a single parent is tough work - especially in nursing and trying to balance the demands of this profession along w/ the greater demands of a crumbcruncher.

~faith,

Timothy.

mtymom · Oct 26, 2005

I mean, what if I don't and I'm old and I can't do anything about it??

That should not be the only reason to have a child. It takes a lot of patience and love to be a parent and you have to be ready. I have seen too much child abuse from parents who had children that really should not have. Also if you have to question it then it is not a good idea. You will know when and if the time is right; and if you never have children then it was not meant to be.

Hope this helps. :specs:

turkpea · Oct 26, 2005

I would not have a child because I thought I would regret NOT having one later! Having a small child (17 1/2 mths old) I KNOW how hard it is in the beginning and I think if the child is not really wanted- it would make the new task of motherhood THAT much harder! Although once the baby is born the mother may change her thinking totally and be soooooooooo happy that she did have a baby! But I don't think it is something that I, personally would do if I wasn't SURE that I wanted to do it!!

smack050505 · Oct 26, 2005

My husband has a child. I know I'd be a good mother, I'd like to have a child, and I know I wouldn't regret it if it happened. I guess I just worry about all the things I'll be giving up. I worry about finances and time and my relationship with my hubby... I am still young though (23) and wasn't planning (if I decided to) to have one until I was 28 or so. I guess my worries are kind of premature.

fergus51 · Oct 26, 2005

Your worries are definitely premature, you have time. I would never have a baby because I was worried I would regret it if I didn't.

**RosesrReder, BSN, MSN, RN** · Oct 26, 2005

IMO, You should have a child whenever you really want to. I personally know I want one but not right now. I am waiting for better days (financial stability, career etc). If I don't ever get there then I will still chose not to have one.

I want one, but can't afford one as of yet, so really I don't want one. It sounds confusing but I just can't speak today.......LOL!

Good luck

mstigerlily · Oct 26, 2005

If you know that you DO want children, I think sooner is better than later. My floor's population is a lot of older moms and many of them are having their first babies in their late 30's, early 40's or even mid 40's and beyond. They are frequently IVF or fertility drug babies and the moms often have health problems throughout the pregnancy. Personally I wanted to be done having kids by 35 and I was. I noticed pregnancy and childbirth seems to get harder and the keeping up with the kids part seems harder as well. I think there are benefits to having kids when you are older, for one probably more patience, more knowledge and more money but I don't know if more knowledge is necessarily a good thing. Seems to me the older first time parents have read too many books and have too many ideas about the "right" way to raise children with no actual practical experience. They definitely seem to stress and worry a lot more about things. A lot of them waited till the "right" time to have a baby - after they traveled, after they were successful or had X amt of dollars, or bought a house. But sometimes they waited too long and couldn't get pregnant at all. At least from my observations as a postpartum nurse.

I did have one patient, never married, had never been pregnant, successful, got married for the first time at age 40, had her first son at 41, second at 42, third at 43 and was done. Each and every one she got an amnio and they were all perfect, three perfect boys, relatively easy pregnancies. So it does happen.

I mean, what if I don't and I'm old and I can't do anything about it??

KAW1962 · Oct 28, 2005

I wanted to have kids when I was younger but couldn't...now I'm glad I don't. Call me selfish, but I enjoy the freedom from not having all those responsiblilites that I see my counterparts deal with. If you want kids, make sure it's for the right reasons. I've had many elderly female patients complain that they gave up and sacrificed so much for their children, and now their children won't take care of them. I always ask them if that's why they had kids--to have someone take care of them when they're older? I have yet to hear any of my elderly, childless patients express regret for not having any kids. So, my advice to you would be that until you are ready to have kids for all the right reasons, stick with a cat. Much easier to take care of and they won't throw a tantrum in the aisles of WalMart!

smack050505 · Oct 28, 2005

Great advice. I was in Wal-Mart last night and I swear every 4 year old in town was in there pitching a fit. All their mothers looked like they were minutes away from going postal!

Q. · Oct 28, 2005

I've thought about this before when I was in my 20's, but in retrospect I'm glad I waited until I actually wanted children. I also agree with the poster who stated that children should have 2 parents whenever possible ~ I agree wholeheartedly. Certainly single parent families make it work and turn out fine but I do believe that kids benefit from two parents.

I waited to have children when my husband and I were ready, and lo and behold we were blessed with TWINS! Meeting the demands of our careers and 6 month old twins (and grad school btw!) is very hard, but I don't resent my children because I had them because I wanted them NOW. And look, life threw us a curve ball and gave us twins.

I've seen too many people actually resent their children because they had them too early.