Would you have a child because you thought you would regret it later on if you didn't

TweetiePieRN · Oct 29, 2005

I totally agree! I've taken care of quite a few elderly child-free women over the years, and have never heard one say she regretted not having children.
On the other hand, I've had many elderly pts whom are mothers complain bitterly about their children.
I am married, child-free by choice and 40 yrs old. The older I get, the more happy I am with my decision to not have children.
The only reason to have children is that you have a deep, profound desire to be a mother and raise children, imo.

I've had the opposite experience with pts! I've had childless elderly who say they missed out on that, then I have the mother's whose children are their life (or they wished they would have had more).

Then again, I do work in oncology. People when faced with death, question their life choices, take stock of what they do have in their life. Alot of psychosocial stuff goes on that is probably unique to oncology, so that could be the reason for the opposite pt. comments.

I totally agree with your last quote regarding the reason to have kids. Absolutely!

fluffwad · Oct 30, 2005

Never had one and do not regret it all. Kids work great for some, and not for others.

:yeahthat:

It isn't like getting a dog and then deciding you don't really like having one. If you don't really want kids, having them just because everyone else does is asinine.

When I was 13 I realized that I was not obligated to have kids and have never changed my mind about not having them.

I've heard all the idiot reasons like " who will take care of you when you're old..." But I have also had co-workers tell me that they envied my freedom / strength to make a decision and not cave in to social pressures.

ZASHAGALKA, RN · Oct 30, 2005

I heard it once said that if we all waited till the right finances and the right time to have kiddos, there wouldn't be any kiddos.

I guess the baby boomers should say a thank you for all those "oops" moments that translate into workers over the next 20-30 yrs.

(OK, that was tongue in cheek!)

~faith,

Timothy.

Fun2, BSN, RN · Oct 31, 2005

If that child would be loved if you have it now, fine. However, if your life is too busy and if you would end up regretting having one now, then DON'T!

A child is a 100% of the time job. Even if you are at work, you're mind will drift off wondering if your children are ok, if they are being kept safe at their schools, praying that the phone ringing isn't the school calling about your child getting hurt or in trouble.

At home, if you have one, you will worry about that one not having a sibling. If you have two, you may go nuts because of the constant bickering, running, screaming...etc.

Now, if you are at a mindset, that you can handle the pressures of having a child now, go for it. Children are very special gifts.

Is it that you do want one now? If you are even thinking about it, then I'm sure you 'kinda' want one...maybe secretly. ??

You just have to think about what you really want. Don't have a child if you really don't want one. Children deserve better than that. They are innocent beings who are easily molded by a parent's actions. If they child doesn't get enough love or attention, the child may find it hard to love and show affection to their children, or to others.

Think long and hard about your decision as having a child is a life long decision, not just an 18-year one.

smack050505 · Oct 31, 2005

I would like to have one now, however finances and the fact that I'm in school would make that an unappealing situation. I grew up in a low income family and have always said that I wouldn't have kids if I were not in a stable situation. I have a good paying job and hubby does too. Infact I make more than my parents did together and they had three kids! But, I feel that without a degree and some form of safety net (I.e. being able to find another job easily if something happened to mine) I would be uneasy the entire time. But, as you guys have said over and over...if we wait until we're financially secure we'll never have one. Can you tell I have issues with money??? Hubby hates it because I never let him have anything. Save save save!! I'll be done with school in about four years, I'll be 27/28 then (don't know why my age says 29 to the left) and I think we get more patience with age too. I'm sure I'll need that. Had stepson this weekend who is as sweet as he can be, but he is 6 and 6 IS annoying. I had to step aside and breathe a few times.

sjrn85 · Nov 6, 2005

I just had my first child in July of this year. I think that people who are childless probably don't regret not having children....because they have no idea what they are missing. There is nothing comparable to that feeling you have towards your baby (ok maybe things will change when he gets older:) ). Before I had him I wasn't sure if I wanted kids at all. It was all about me and my husband. The idea of having a baby was kind of a turn-off to me sometimes.

This is the type of comment that makes my eyes cross.

Can we not accept that there are some people out there (and yes, I'm one of them) who are perfectly happy being childfree and, gasp!, never have had the desire to have children.

I'm in my 40s now, and for many years endured the indulgent comments from well-meaning people who said, "Oh, you'll change your mind when the right man comes along." Can you imagine how I would have been treated if I said to someone who wanted children, "Oh, just give it time, you'll get over it" ? :rolleyes:

For those who have kids and love parenthood...great! Terrific! Hurray! Accept my congratulations! But please understand that your definition of a happy life or family may not be mine, and that doesn't make me (or anyone else like me) wrong.

Besides, if we all had children, who would we guilt-trip into working the holidays? :stone

sjrn85 · Nov 6, 2005

Deleted; double post.

sjrn85 · Nov 6, 2005

:yeahthat:
It isn't like getting a dog and then deciding you don't really like having one. If you don't really want kids, having them just because everyone else does is asinine.
When I was 13 I realized that I was not obligated to have kids and have never changed my mind about not having them.
I've heard all the idiot reasons like " who will take care of you when you're old..." But I have also had co-workers tell me that they envied my freedom / strength to make a decision and not cave in to social pressures.

Oh yeah! I hear you loud and clear!

fergus51 · Nov 6, 2005

Besides, if we all had children, who would we guilt-trip into working the holidays? :stone

:rotfl: This cracked me up!!!:chuckle It ain't workin', cause I have Xmas off and I don't feel a bit guilty! None of those baby havers are gonna make me work it this year!:chuckle

grimmy, RN · Nov 9, 2005

as someone who just turned 40, who is childless and partnerless, i wish i had had a child by now, but i'm glad i don't. when i was in my 30's, i looked into being a single mother by choice, and decided it was not the route i wanted to go. my decision, good for others, not for me. i'd love to have a child, but i don't want a child without a partner. it's hard enough when you do have a partner, and i don't have the means to raise a child on my own; at least, not the way i'd want to raise a child. i have had a great life, in many ways, and i still do. i think i would have been a fantastic mom, in fact, i think it would have been the perfect job for me, but it didn't work out. granted, i still have a few years if circumstances change. there's nothing on the horizon, though. don't add a child to your life because you worry about what the future holds if you don't. have a child because it's right for you and your partner, and because of all the love you can give.

sugabuga · Nov 11, 2005

I think patience comes with maturity too. You might be worried now but when you're a couple of years older you'll be more patient and have matured some.

pt1234 · Dec 14, 2005

Yes, I did. I felt the timer go off at age 26 for some reason. Prior to that, I did not want kids, then I did, then I didn't. Anyone dizzy yet? Well, I did it once then realized that children are better left for those that are definetely sure that they want them. Mine is now 15 and the decision hasn't changed...only I can't give em' back so I mise well love em'.