Workplace gossip

PrinShell · Mar 27, 2017

I think the kind of behavior you described happens everywhere, unfortunately. It's very frustrating to say the least. Getting another job will give you a fresh start and sounds appealing but confronting the individual is probably the better option. There are ways to tactfully approach the person or group and let them know that their conversations are not appropriate in the workplace. If the gossip continues then a discussion with management about the matter may be warranted.

I recently overheard two nurses complaining about one of our techs. I normally don't get involved in the drama but the person they were talking about is a friend of mine. I let my friend know that things were being said but what I really should have done was confront the nurses on the spot. The only way to stop the negativity is refusing to contribute to it. This means withholding your own negative comments about coworkers and not allowing others to make negative comments either. The nature of our work is stressful enough without battling between this group and that group. We are all on the same team.

Nalon1 RN/EMT-P, BSN, RN · Mar 27, 2017

I come to work to work. Not socialize, not chat, not to make friends.

I don't care what others say about me. I do my job and do it well. I take care of my patients and help others as I can.

I can't control what others say or think about me and don't worry about it.

My self worth is not determined by what others think of me.

Do others gossip about me. No idea. Don't care.

Maybe it is a guy thing?

Editorial Team / Moderator · Mar 27, 2017

I come to work to work. Not socialize, not chat, not to make friends.
I don't care what others say about me. I do my job and do it well. I take care of my patients and help others as I can.
I can't control what others say or think about me and don't worry about it.
My self worth is not determined by what others think of me.
Do others gossip about me. No idea. Don't care.
Maybe it is a guy thing?

Nah, not just a guy thing. :) I prefer to work at work and ignore drama.

Neats, BSN · Mar 27, 2017

I am with Nalon 1 RN and Pixie...I come to work to work. What I have learned in the work environment is it does not matter where you go or where you are at ...same stuff different faces.

**canoehead, BSN, RN** · Apr 2, 2017

I have generally said "I can HEAR you!" if disrespected, and I can't stop and deal with it right then. Than approach the offender privately and asked them to say things to ME if they want me to change. Go ahead and moan to others if they want me to just do what I want. It may also give me an opportunity for teaching if we talk privately, where approaching them in front of their friends wouldn't.

Also, at a certain point, who cares what they think? If they are alleging bad care, I'd want to address it, but otherwise it doesn't matter much what they think.

rescueninja1987 · Apr 2, 2017

You'll find people like that are typically too stupid to even wait until you aren't within earshot to start talking about you. It's pathetic.

My take is this, I am very ambitious about my career and my relationships. If someone is that busy gossiping about me, they're a loser and I don't need to waste time caring what people like that think in the first place.

And like Nalon1 said, I am just too busy trying to take top notch care of my patients to let that take up space in my mind.

All that being said I am fortunate to have found a great team where that kind of toxic stuff doesn't seem to go on.

amzyRN · Apr 3, 2017

I think this group of people like feeling better about themselves by saying negative things about others. What ever the reason, it's a crappy thing to do because it can decrease team morale. I'm not perfect and am still kind of new to the specialty (almost 1 year) so can't always get an IV on a pediatric patient and there are things I don't know and yes I am human that makes mistakes sometimes, but no one has ever died under my care.

I try to do the best for my patients every day and I give it 100% and that's all I can do. I haven't had the opportunity to talk to this person alone yet. If this weren't a coworker I would have definitely called them out. I felt pretty awkward. My last place was difficult in different ways, high acuity and poor staffing, but this new place is like being back in middle school with the gossip.

Qing · Apr 4, 2017

I agree with the others and it really doesn't matter where you go or work. There will be all this gossip clique or people who just have to talk about others. You came to work and so as long you do what you are supposed to, it really does not matter. However, I will say this if you're aware then at least you know if something came up you can figure out how to respond to it. People can talk, but actions show a lot more than talk. The balance of just getting through the day/night with colleagues is a balancing act, while you care for the patients. The right people will talk to you and let you know what gossip is going around. I will give you an example I had where a colleague said I refused to change my nights I was working said to everyone that I told her that I said no about switching schedules. Now this is actually what happened.... I was texted by this person and the question was if I would switch a certain for her. So this person wanted the day off... this is a far different story from what she told everyone. Not one word mentioned switching schedules with the person in the text. All I got was a message about switching one night in particular. Anyway my point is that this person tried to make it look like I refused switching schedules, when in fact I did not. I let it go and laughed because people realized after she was lying.

amzyRN · Apr 5, 2017

What's weird is that my first ER job was in a very crazy busy place, high acuity, unsafe staffing and I never heard any gossip. People were so glad someone showed up to work, they didn't dare offend anyone. It's so much more honorable to tells someone personally if they have an issue. I've always kept my mouth shut and if I ever opened it to share something that happened, it wasn't at work on the unit.

JKL33 · Apr 5, 2017

You are giving this incident way too much credence. Here's the thing - people who spend time gossiping about others are the ones with the problem. Their personal issues are way more real and pervasive than whatever problem they might cause you by gossiping about you. Now for the bad news: The way to handle this is much more difficult than summoning up the courage to confront, and that is, you must make it your policy to ignore them completely. If you confront them, you'll feel "good" for about 30 seconds and they will just up the ante; this goes on indefinitely and eventually means that you spend more time worrying about this idiotic battle than learning all the amazing stuff there is to learn in an ED. Why roll in the mud with pigs? They like it and you get dirty!!

Do nothing. Trying to put a stop to this or "win" this battle is what people used to call a "fool's errand". I can't emphasize enough: There is NO benefit in paying attention to this. Consider it silliness that is beneath you.

Good luck!

Oh, one more thing - don't forget to be neutral/pleasant in your interactions and help them out when opportunities arise. NOT to 'kiss up' to them!!! Do it for your own self, because if you choose to treat them the way they treat you, you'll end up feeling as nasty about yourself as they feel about themselves.