WHY? Why? Why?

[peaceful2100, BSN, RN]

Excuse me if I vent tonight but I am furious and very sad. Before I left for my night class this evening I was watching the first part of the news. Police found a 23 month old unconscious. This poor little baby has been severly bruised and beaten. She is in Critical care. Neighbors believe this has been going on for quite a while. As a mater of fact some of the neighbors have hotlined several times and nothing was done about it. According, to the DFS in my area (Division of FAMily services) there was not enough evidence for a investigaion. They told the one's who hotlined that even if they hear something nothing can be done unless they actually see something. Neighbors said they heard this little girl crying several times for very long periods of time. Yet, DFS has done nothing about it. This is not the first time something very traumatic has happened and DFS did not intervene in enough time. A couple years ago or so in my city there were two little twin boys who were only 8, they were abused and starved and kept away from the public by their mother and sadly they got very small and too malnourished and they died. Again back with that case with the twin boys DFS did nothing when several people hotlined. One person claimed they were hotlining for 3 years and still nothing was being done. I don't know about anyone else's DFS in their STATE or whatever your family services is called but I think the DFS system in my state is horrible and has serious, serious flaws. I just cannot stop crying tonight thinking about that innocent little girl and several other children who are crying out for help and who go through this but their voices cannot be heard. When are they even we going to wake up? When are these children going to have someone advocating for them? When are they going to listen to someone who is calling the hotline and giving the information? I am just furious and for anyone who believes in it please say a little prayer for this little girl in critical condition. I have not heard anything else as I have missed the late news this evening but I sure will watch the news in the morning as I always do before leaving home. Last time I heard the mother is not a suspect, the mother has a boyfriend that was there at the time they found the child and the boyfriend was arrested but he was arrested for giving a false ID and other charges he had on him only.

I really want to do something. I have seen WAYYYYYYYY to many innocent children be victims of abuse of all kinds especially when I was working in the daycare center. I just don't know how to get in and become an advocate for them. The one's who need an advocate the most are the one's who cannot speak up for themselves.

[jschut, BSN, RN]

I understand....

believe me, I understand...

I know of a 4 y/o boy who had a bruise on his lip and actually SAID it was from "_____, he hits me all the time.".The blank is the mom's boyfrind, and when Child Protective Services were called, they waited a good 1-2 months before going to the house to check on this little boy. Bruise was gone, and house was clean and food was in the house because they sent letters and made numerous phone calls before they went.

This little boy has been "rescued" (by his grandparents) from abandoned houses, from homeless situations, from all sorts of things, but always had to be returned to the Mother because she "straightened up".

So, yes... I understand because I am this little boys Grandma. He is my precious angel who is now being kept from me because Children Service called and TOLD his Mother (our daughter) that I was the one who called them to report her...

Been almost 7 months since I have seen him, and it's breaking my heart. But something had to be done...

And, typical to form, nothing was done...

Julie

[Agnus]

Ladies I feel for you and am very angry about you situations. I hear all kinds of excuses about why child protective services can't do anything. Some of it has to do with the way the laws are written some has to do with staffing.

I don't know what to do but my first instinct after reading your posts is these post need to be sent as hard copy letters to state legislators. They need to be stirred up about what is/is not going on. These two posts, just as they are written, cannot help but jerk some feelings from law makers. I don't know if we need new laws funding or what but these folks at the legislator are certainly in a position to do something. I don't know if you live in a state were a phone call can easily be made to you representatives but I would certainly try. God Bless you and God bless the babies because no one else is doing it.

[PhantomRN]

Not to be calous, but stories like yours is why I am pro-choice.

If someone don't want a child why force them to have the baby and then let them go on to torture this poor soul....sick sick world.

It is kinder to let that innocent child go to GOD before it has to suffer years of abuse.

Then you get the DFS who are insisitant that the best place for a child is with his or her mother......get real. Some woman are not fit to care for a child now and never will be. However, society continues to sacrifice innocent children to some nutcase who will never turn into a good mom.

Turning into a good mom, doesn't happen overnight. I am sure there are many of us who are aware of the fact that mother-child bonding happens in the first year of life. If mom and child dont bond it is more difficult to do so later. [yes, i realize there are people who get kids later in life and learn to love them, however these people are motivated to do so. In the cases we are talking about in this thread are where mom chooses not to bond.]

Why do we insist that mom will bond if given a thousand chances? Because of societal norms for one [pressure to keep mom and child together] and another is there are not enough people out there willing to take an abused child into there home to care for..........but those same people will jump on the bandwagon and say no to that abortion.

I fully expect to be taken to the cleaner for my views. But before you give off some nasty response think about who we are advocating for.

[shyviolet78, LPN, LVN]

These stories make my blood boil. In my area last summer, we found out there was a little 7 year old girl who was locked in a closet, starved, beaten, repeatedly raped by mom's boyfriend for months. When she was rescued, she was so emaciated she looked like a 3 year old. She didn't know what a "TV" was or what the "Sun" was. The mother had other children that lived with her and were not abused in any way. Turns out, she had put this girl up for adoption at birth, but ended up regaining custody a year or two later. She never bonded with her. Another case where an 18-month old girl was repeatedly raped by mom's boyfriend. The nurse's and doctor's that treated her had to go through psychological counseling afterward to deal with what they saw. I read the other day that due to the AIDS epidemic in South Africa, men believe if they have sex with a virgin, it will cure them of AIDS. No virgin is safe, not even little babies. The story I heard was of 5 AIDS-infected men gang-raping a 9-month old baby girl. I am pro-life (meaning I am also against the death penalty) but in these cases, I can't help but hope the death penalty would be applied to these horrible people. It is a truly sick individual that would harm a child, and these people are absolute psychopaths.

[MickeymomRN]

Oh, I'm hearing the pro-life and pro-choice voices starting up again. Be careful! "Can't bring religion into this. That would turn this thread into an off-topic one." The moderators are watching. And so is you-know-who.

As for the comment about "that's why I believe in pro-choice b/c why torture those children. Send them to God before that happens?". I don't think that's a big enough excuseto believe in pro-choice. What if these children were supposed to be aborted but the mom just waited too long or didn't have enough money (you know they are very expensive)?

What if these children were just brought into this world b/c they know it will add another check from the government to their mailbox?

It's how the society has developed the concept of the family in these little "worlds". What if we teach our kids that children are a precious gift. They are our future. They are an asset not a deficit. Look at how much unconditional love they pour out. Has anyone watched a child go back to the abusive parent b/c they want so desperately to be loved my their mom or dad? What if we teach our kids that they must think before they act if it means a possible life changing event-abortion or childbirth. I think that we have too many teachings out there for birth control or abortions, sexual diseases and quick divorces and the poorly thought out welfare system. Why not flood them with teachings about honor and respect and life commitment to someone you will love for the rest of you life. That a child is a gift not a burden. That we must be productive in society. Not try to suck all we can out of the government b/c it's there. I think that there are many facets to this gem of a problem. I hope that someday we can fix them all without the ACLU stepping in (another one that needs to be "aborted"). And maybe the children will see the value of raising a family and pass that on to the generations after them.

And (I'm sorry but) I think that we can learn from what is taught in church (any one) the values of being morally good and how to live with each other especially with our children.

I am keeping this precious baby girl in my prayers and all the children born and unborn. May God surround them with His protection and that His people will do more to change this society.

[pkmom]

You go, Mickeymom!

Hubby thinks CPS is up to no good, interfering with families for no reason, I think they are overworked. they are just too many moral-less, hateful people out there to get them all. I'm sure its a horrible job too, gotta have a calling. What happened to our family values? I have an idea.

[TCW]

Stories like this just break my heart.

Mickeymom,

I agree with you 100%! You sound like a very wise person.

[canoehead, BSN, RN]

I think that the person, or group of people who believe a child should be brought into this world should be responsible for caring for the child.

I also think that as a society we are doing a poor job of caring for the people already in the world so should take a hard look at ourselves before passing laws that force women to carry unwanted pregnancies to term.

I couldn't go for an abortion myself, can't think of a circumstance that would make me kill a child of mine, but you know if a circumstance came up that forced me to make such a horrible choice I certainly wouldn't want the government or agency second guessing the choice I made.

Last, I think that by being forced to describe and explain our views on difficult topics without falling back on religious quotes we are making it easier for others to understand- makes for better interfaith communication.

And if it is impossible to explain or back up a position without religious quotes maybe that particular position deserves a second look.

That's all I have to say, JMHO.

[live4today, RN]

Ditto mickeymom!

[crnasomeday]

God love you Mickeymom....I loved what you had to say! These stories are horribly sad. I read about little baby girls in Africa being raped too and it broke my heart. I often end up bawling when I hear about the kinds of things we're discussing here.

I can totally understand your feelings about DFS peaceful. On one hand, I get really irritated with that organization for seeming so inept at their job. On the other hand, I feel sorry for them because they have such a rough job. Can you imagine trying to weed out all the phone calls and hot lines they must get to tell which ones are valid, and which ones are being called in by people just trying to screw other people over? Happens more than we might think I bet. Not to mention all the beurocratic BS they have to weed through to do anything. I think that the sad fact is that short of that organization having a totalitarian kind of power, which would be a totally scary situation, there's not much that can really fix it. You know what I'm saying? I mean, I don't know if I'm making much sense, but as a parent I would be so freaked out if DFS had the kind of power that could just let them come in and take my kids on the word of one person or something like that without having to fully investigate things first.

It's so awful to hear the story you've told, peaceful. and Julie....man...I just want to cry for you and your poor grandchild. I just feel such hate well up inside me for child abusers. You just want to give them a dose of their own medicine don't you. . .

[fulwood]

I hate hearing stories of child abuse. I was raised in a Children's Home for 15 years and some of kids that came in were so abused that no matter how much care/love was shown to some of the kids thru the years the damage was done. For kids like myself a place like the Children's HOme was our only refuge and in my case was best thing that ever happened. Remember kids that came such as 6 months old with cigarette stubs on back, one kid's dad threw him into fire and blinded him in one eye - stories go on and on. They became my friends and still miss many of them after nearly 20 years!

Just love your kids folks that all ya' gotta' do..