Why are nurses so hard on each other?

Katie5 · Apr 25, 2010

I fail to see how that phrase about "being human nature" is no more an assumption that what the OP wrote.

"Big fat bully"? How stereotypical is that. "Just because one is big doesn't mean one should be considered a bully. So subconsciously, what this depicts is that no matter how one tries, there is still buried somewhere within a stereotypical mind? Push hard enough and it shows forth.

ItsTheDude · Apr 25, 2010

to answer the op's q, it's because approx 90% of nurses are women, women hate on other women like crazy, women seem to wear their feelings on their shoulders more than men, etc.

Katie5 · Apr 25, 2010

to answer the op's q, it's because approx 90% of nurses are women, women hate on other women like crazy, women seem to wear their feelings on their shoulders more than men, etc.

You're not supposed to state the obvious. It takes away from the conversation:)

ItsTheDude · Apr 25, 2010

You're not supposed to state the obvious. It takes away from the conversation:)

that's funny.

PostOpPrincess, BSN, RN · Apr 25, 2010

You're not supposed to state the obvious. It takes away from the conversation:)

Amen.

Thank goodness I work with a very diverse group of PEOPLE.

As for the incompetent nurses, I do not work with any.

Too many lives at stake and we are in an open bay.

You don't know what you are doing, and you will hear it instantly from someone...nurse, doctor, family, etc.,

Besides, we don't have time for BS.

Too many lives at stake.

Jules A, MSN · Apr 25, 2010

Amen.
Thank goodness I work with a very diverse group of PEOPLE.
As for the incompetent nurses, I do not work with any.
Too many lives at stake and we are in an open bay.
You don't know what you are doing, and you will hear it instantly from someone...nurse, doctor, family, etc.,
Besides, we don't have time for BS.
Too many lives at stake.

I'd guess the bold is where it becomes perceived as bullying, sigh. You are very lucky and I have to say I have only worked with two and they were a serious liability, imo. As people they were very nice but sadly they are not competent nurses and it has nothing to do with haters, bullying or lateral violence although I am sure they felt like it did.

PostOpPrincess, BSN, RN · Apr 26, 2010

I'd guess the bold is where it becomes perceived as bullying, sigh. You are very lucky and I have to say I have only worked with two and they were a serious liability, imo. As people they were very nice but sadly they are not competent nurses and it has nothing to do with haters, bullying or lateral violence although I am sure they felt like it did.

First, the healthcare providers I work with would be yelling, "Help!"

and because our area is so often critical...egos are willingly sacrificed for the tumultuous moments that arise. In other words, no one pouts because someone yelled out, "Get me a Suction now!"

We are teamwork dependent and know that when tempers flare, it is mostly situational and never personal.

But again, I work with some very competent and confident people, with very intact egos. :rolleyes:

nursemike, ASN, RN · Apr 26, 2010

I am not a nurse but do read the forums..just curious why so many nurses are hard on each other. I understand the need to be surrounded by competent people but wouldn't helping your coworker out be better than treating em crappy/blacklisting them?
Anyway, my 2 cents..
John

I think this is a harder question than we often realize. First, I would like to almost completely disagree with the suggestion that it has anything to do with the proportion of women in the workforce. I've worked in male-dominated fields, and while I'll admit it's somewhat different, I didn't find it noticeably better. But I say "almost," because it does seem like the guys I've worked with mostly handle some of the stresses better than some of the females. Second, I have to agree with Ruby that "so many" is an unwarranted assumption. If I go by what I read here and hear third-hand stories about, it sounds like a big problem. If I go by what I see on my own floor, it really isn't so bad.

Still, it's a tough field. My first year felt like a war, and that was in an enviroment where most of my coworkers wanted me to succeed and a few probably didn't care all that much, either way, but I never felt anyone was out to get me. I can well imagine if I were in a place where a few wanted me to succeed but most didn't care much, either way, it might be easy to start thinking that some who weren't especially invested in might have been out to get me. We can't know, of course, but I think it's likely that some who today feel they are being eaten will feel less so, looking back after a couple of years' experience, with the skill and confidence that brings.

Finally, as a profession we do have an affirmative obligation to police ourselves. Personally, I've never enjoyed constructive criticism, because it is criticism. But I also appreciate being corrected, as opposed to sparing my feelings and letting me kill somebody. Again, that's a lot easier to say now that I have some experience and don't come to work each day hoping I won't kill anybody. But there are a small minority of nurses who can't or won't learn from mistakes or heed advice, who lack either the ability or the motivation to grow into competent nurses, as well as some who may have been competent for some years but lost their heart for it or got addicted to drugs or whatever, and ultimately, if they can't correct these problems fairly quickly, they need to be gotten rid of. A lot of us do support and encourage each other, but all of us have a higher obligation that to each other, and most of us take that pretty seriously.

jxRN · Apr 26, 2010

someday i'm gonna get eaten alive as a new grad :clown:

caroladybelle, BSN, RN · Apr 26, 2010

that's funny.

Actually, I found it sad.

metal_m0nk, BSN, RN · Apr 26, 2010

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third, you're assuming that the people who complain about being treated poorly are as pure and innocent as they claim they are, and everyone around them is a big fat bully. i'm sure you realize that isn't always the case. in fact, most of the people who complain about being treated poorly will say that it happens over and over again in more than one setting. that gives me the idea that they are part of the problem, whether they will admit it or not.

no one is innocent. still, that is no excuse for lateral violence. if you (not you specifically, but "you" in the general sense) cannot, as a trained and educated professional and as an adult, endure the shortcomings of average people without resorting to ongoing belittling, deception, snubbing, excessive and/or unconstructive criticism, gossip, etc., then you are the one who needs help.

there are people who are particularly sensitive to lateral violence/bullying and may see it quite often in places that other people wouldn't. if you've never been bullied for an extended period of time, you might not understand the real physiological changes it produces. its a form of post traumatic stress, a heightened sense of awareness and defense. maybe to a bully, ptsd looks an awful lot like a bullseye. i don't know. never actually been a bully myself.

however...

if someone tells you they've been bullied before, that should be your cue to respect their boundaries, back off, and try to build some trust rather then trying to convince them (and anyone else who will listen...) that they're actively inciting abuse.

allnurses Guide · Apr 26, 2010

someday i'm gonna get eaten alive as a new grad

I hope not, and I'm sorry that this has apparently now become an expectation rather than a possibility. I don't believe that the majority or even a sizable minority of practicing nurses are "out to get you" or want to see you fail. Sometimes students post things like, "new grad in ICU- do's and don'ts?" or something similar, and they always get a ton of supportive, practical advice and personal anecdotes from their own newbie days. If experienced nurses are the ogres they are often portrayed as here, a person starting a thread like that would get pounced on too, wouldn't they? Most of it really is all about the approach and the attitude for a l l of us.

Someone who is new, but polite, respectful, curious, thrifty (oops thats the Girl Scout pledge, isn't it?) -- :lol2: I think you get the idea. Will that win everyone over and guarantee you will never encounter a raging b^%& of either sex? No, but it will move you very far down the field.

Students and new nurses (not you, jxRN ) who indulge in an indignant take-down of a nursing elder, whether by age or years on the job, will find the satisfaction to be very short-lived even if there is some truth to it. Even those who agree with you will be uncomfortable because it touches on a larger societal value. I only mention that as a matter of pragmatism. The ripple effect of telling off someone who holds a higher status is almost always uniformly negative.

I know that experienced nurses here don't exist to chase off new people with our shrill vitriol and venom and lateral violence and bullying. I'm beginning to think those that say this are reacting emotionally to the negative and ignoring the positive and the neutral. That is human nature. Sort of like people who ask, "why does the news only have bad news?? Unfortunately, it's because when the networks create "good news" news shows nobody watches them.' :idea:

Last, at the OP I don't understand what you mean by "blacklisting". I see nothing on allnurses that could be described as blacklisting. Are you saying nurses operate in the same manner as the cold war film industry? The only real blacklist I've heard about is in Texas. It's called Group One. But that's a third party (consulting) entity.