Why Is It That Everyone Thinks They're A Good Nurse?

[Ruby Vee]

i don't get it. people write about the horrible mistakes they've made that got them fired from work or suspended, and then they'll go on to say that they know they're a good nurse anyway because they try so hard. maybe the evidence shows that they're not a good nurse yet . . . but if they keep trying hard they will be some day?

or the nurse who writes that she's on her fourth job since graduation 16 months ago, and she hasn't found her "nitch" yet . . . and someone tells her to hold her head up because they know she's a great nurse. really? how could you possibly know that -- especially with the evidence provided that the poster has been through three jobs and is failing her fourth?

then there are the special nurses who know they're great nurses despite their many problems at work because they have a calling. or because they're compassionate. sorry -- that's not all it takes to be a great -- or even an adequate nurse.

what ever happened to striving to be a good nurse but knowing you're not there yet? knowing you need a bit more experience to be a great nurse but you're trying hard? how come everyone these days is a good nurse the moment they graduate?

[OCNRN63, RN]

Whoa -- you said it far better than I did. Why is it that people who are clearly failing have an inflated self-image? And what is it about the fact that people are becoming less and less open to accepting negative feedback, no matter how sensitively given or how warranted? And why is it that self esteem is not only more important than honesty, but seems to have completely overshadowed honesty or honest self assessment?

Negative feedback is how you improve yourself and how you get to be that "great nurse" one day. I'm afraid we have too many nurses who, rather than learning from negative feedback, get defensive and focus on how it was worded or delivered. If the criticism was valid, then that should be your primary concern.

[Fiat40]

Narcissism, there is a book called The Narcissm Epidemic that would shed some light on this topic. I will just be honest, true narcissistic personality disorder is rare, but narcissistic traits are everywhere and very accepted. I am getting ready to graduate from nursing school and I am very surprised by the amount of people who are WAY over-confident. It is downright scary to me. Will some of these people ever ask a question? My guess is they are too proud to ask questions because they already know everything.

[TheGooch]

Negative feedback is how you improve yourself and how you get to be that "great nurse" one day. I'm afraid we have too many nurses who, rather than learning from negative feedback, get defensive and focus on how it was worded or delivered. If the criticism was valid, then that should be your primary concern.

You mean like the ones that post here complaining about the "mean" nurse or doctor who raised their voice at them and hurt their feelings?

[morningland]

Actually, you guys are absolutely right. Imagine how much we would grow if we would just take every bit of negative criticism, apply it to out practice and grow from it. Nursing is very hard and only a very few naturally fit into it well. Most of us only become good or even adequate by years of dedication, struggle and perseverance.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

You mean like the ones that post here complaining about the "mean" nurse or doctor who raised their voice at them and hurt their feelings?

I would advise that the poster forget about her hurt feelings and concentrate on the content of the "mean interaction." Anyone who is more concerned about how the message is delivered than the content of a message that might help them in their practice isn't someone I'll waste a lot of my time on. Patient outcomes count more than hurt feelings. I know that's an upopular outlook, though. Those who can't hear the content for the delivery . . . .They won't be around long anyway -- they'll be NPs or CRNAs before we know it.

[TheGooch]

I would advise that the poster forget about her hurt feelings and concentrate on the content of the "mean interaction." Anyone who is more concerned about how the message is delivered than the content of a message that might help them in their practice isn't someone I'll waste a lot of my time on. Patient outcomes count more than hurt feelings. I know that's an upopular outlook, though. Those who can't hear the content for the delivery . . . .They won't be around long anyway -- they'll be NPs or CRNAs before we know it.

But that mean old nurse(or doctor) hurt my feelings which is more important than patient care.

Seriously, criticism is part of any job. Not just nursing. The problem is that some people grew up sheltered and never received criticism of any type as a child, teen or young adult. Mommy and Daddy approved of everything they did and there were "special" while in school. Now they have to deal with the real world and it's not all unicorns and rainbows.

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

It's the "let's give everyone an award just for participating" mentality.

Wait....WHAT?!?!?!?! One doesn't get a gold star just for showing up?!?!?!

But if we continue to focus on the checking of boxes and reading of scripting instead of the meat and bones of nursing practice, even the IT people can be used in a pinch.

And gosh darn it, it DOES TOO matter that I got a 4.2 gpa at Swanky Too Cool University and was the super duper student o' the month--THREE TIMES! And got to do ALL of the complex stuff in clinicals---but I do NOT do poo. Or nasty things that come out of patients' noses. OR anyone who smells cause I have allergies. BUT I passed the NCLEX in 75 questions!! Plus, my sisters' husband's second cousin once removed is besties with the CEO of this facility, and BEGGED me to come and work here.....

[akulahawkRN, ADN, RN, EMT-P]

Hey, all I know is that I'm a GREAT nurse... Yeah, Right... and pigs can leap tall buildings in a single bound! In reality, I'm going to be a new grad soon and there's no way that I'm a good nurse yet because I'm a beginning nurse. I just hope to be seen as a safe beginner that one day becomes a good nurse.

And no, I don't do Poo... I clean it up, wipe noses, and in general, try to help people feel at least somewhat human while they're in my care. It's all part of being a nurse.

[T-Bird78]

The same reason every contestant on the audition rounds of American Idol is a great singer--they're delusional. Maybe Simon Cowell needs to do some nursing evaluations! LOL. I think those that claim to be a great nurse despite losing their 4th job are just trying to project what they think they're capable of, given a fair chance.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

The same reason every contestant on the audition rounds of American Idol is a great singer--they're delusional. Maybe Simon Cowell needs to do some nursing evaluations! LOL. I think those that claim to be a great nurse despite losing their 4th job are just trying to project what they think they're capable of, given a fair chance.

Someone who is losing their fourth job has been given FOUR fair chances! How many should they get? And what makes them think they're capable of being a great nurse if they keep getting fired?

[LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN]

Emotional maturity is a growing pain...especially in nursing.

To share: I found myself less inclined to be not as "sensitive" because I was raised in a military family, on top of that I was a very objective person; I still have to go through the growing pains of nursing; I actually embrace them; but then again, I appreciate "honesty" over "happiness" and "heart" and ooh-"glory"

I think of the nurses that I learned from in my career and my education and how they honestly attempted to educate and inform me and my cohorts; I always think of the horse-leading to water analogy; although on the other hand I think of locus-of-control theory in my distant memory...eventually you have to adjust your internal locus of control in some way to accept objectivity...it helps in honing the best practice...meaning, to me, it's not about being the "best nurse", it about the "best practice" for the pt and that is pretty evolutionary, fluid, and ever changing; just like life.

The "best" may not be on a mythical mountaintop, and we are not destined to be the second coming of Flo, and that's ok! :)

[LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN]

Mr. Trouble comes around when people--of any age--don't separate themselves and their personal identities from what they do and how well they do it.

Learning to take constructive criticism in a healthy way is an acquired skill that many have never mastered. They equate an honest evaluation of their abilities and actions as an attack on their very being and become defensive and unteachable, to everyone's detriment.

The result is that you have nurses who dismiss valuable input as "eating their young" and wall themselves off from people who could help them if they would only listen. Granted, some criticism is delivered in a harsh or unprofessional manner, and that makes it harder to separate the wheat from the chaff. But if you can't receive any correction without going into a tailspin and developing a chip on your shoulder, you simply will not evolve--as a nurse or as a human being.

People here on AN sometimes try to encourage a member who has made mistakes (sometimes a lot of mistakes!) and either lost a job or was disciplined in some manner, and they say things like, "You're a great nurse," or "I can tell you have a lot of compassion and you care so much," or "Anyone who tries as hard as you do must be a really good nurse."

I think they're trying to comfort the person. But when you're not able to make the distinction between self and skills, identity and actions, personality and vocation, that's what happens. And that's why separating the two is crucial.

The reality is often something like, "You are a wonderful and worthwhile person. But you have made a number of mistakes and you need to take that seriously and work on the areas where you are deficient."

With everything blended into a blur, there is only all up or all down. That is a childish way of thinking, no matter how old the individual is. As a person matures, there should be an increased ability to compartmentalize the different areas of life and give each the reaction and attention it needs.

This is a major life skill that, unfortunately, hasn't been taught the way it should have been. The result is a hodgepodge of confusion, misery, attitude, hostility, hurt, misunderstanding, fear, obsession, and a few other non-productive responses.

Those who care feel tortured and overwhelmed. Those who take a more narcissistic approach feel slighted and irate. Many fall somewhere in between.

What's the solution? Growing up. Recognizing the boundaries between who you are and what you do. Learning to take an honest inventory of what you do and then embracing the good and improving the bad.

This can be done at any age. It's never too early or too late.

Wanted to bump this quote...so well said.