Why don't I feel anything??

jnette, ASN, EMT-I · Nov 29, 2003

This may well be your own self-protection mechanism... subconsciously not allowing yourself to feel... because of the tragedy of this young child's situation.

You may find yourself going through all the proper nursing care motions and being quite the "professional" but your emotions are on "hold" or temporarily "out of order" as the reality of this child's condition and prognosis may be too overwhelming for you to be able to deal with at this time. You might be in that kind of "zone out".

I truly believe this is what's going on here... your body knows best how to protect itself from things that are emotionally more than you can handle.

hmccartn · Nov 30, 2003

The fact that you pointed out that his smile is priceless and that he likes cartoons etc shows that you are CARING for this boy. not feeling torn and emotional when you see him does not mean you don't feel or care, it might be that you are distancing yourself from it or that you have become used to caring for him and dont need to feel that all the time.. in my previous career in social services black humour was the order of the day because you had to deal with it someway..and in other employment i worked with abused kids...you felt for them and cared for them but it was impossible to be wrapped up emotionally about it every day...dont be so hard on yourself....

Dixen81 · Nov 30, 2003

I think sometimes, when needed, our bodies sort of go into "autopilot." When we know there is a job to do and we can't let emotions get in the way, without even realizing it, we do our job. But once our task is completed and we don't have it to focus on anymore, that's when we really feel the emotions that we have been unknowingly supressing.

I truly believe this is what is going on with you. Don't worry; you're not heartless or uncaring, or you wouldn't have even thought to be concerned about this in the first place.

Take care. :kiss

jenac · Nov 30, 2003

Originally posted by peggysue
Don't worry; you're not heartless or uncaring, or you wouldn't have even thought to be concerned about this in the first place.

I agree 100%.

BarbPick · Nov 30, 2003

The day I cried in nursing was the day I realized post mortem care was just another day at the office.

You are warm, caring, and you meet your patient's needs, few are as lucky as this child.

warrior woman · Nov 30, 2003

Oh God Barb, your post chokes me up. Thank you all so much.

warrior woman · Nov 30, 2003

Thank you all for helping me work thru this. You are awesome.

dosamigos76, RN · Nov 30, 2003

You care, or you wouldn't be there. The fact that you wonder why your emotions aren't all riled up does NOT mean that you don't care. Sometimes our emotions keep us from being the best nurse we can be.

I have special needs children that we adopted. When homemakers or respite people come in the ones that don't last are the ones that feel sorry for them. It can be a wasted emotion and is not productive.

You give that little boy a gift that is precious. You see him for who HE is, not just his medical condition. That is rare. I'd be proud to have you care for my girls.

Cheryl

SmilingBluEyes · Nov 30, 2003

you DO care. You have a long, painful history of depression. I agree with those who think this "unfeeling" is a protective device of your mind. You can only do so much, handle so much. GO easy on yourself and love yourself....be KIND to yourself. If you cannot nurture yourself, you cannot do it for others.. Take care of number ONE and the rest will follow. It's ok to feel....but first you have to LET yourself do this! I wish you healing and continued strength. You will be ok if you nurture your heart and soul first.

Audreyfay · Nov 30, 2003

You are providing care for him. Bless your heart for being so wonderful as to notice what he likes more than anything. YOU have made a difference in the quality of his life. You don't HAVE to care for them when providing care for them. It's probably healthier to not wrap feelings up into the entire case. That's why surgeons can't operate on their relatives! Keep protecting yourself because you are so needed. Take Care, Audrey

dosamigos76, RN · Nov 30, 2003

You said it perfectly! It is what it is and that's ok.

Cheryl