Why the heck do I have to be assertive???

[JaRoJoCT]

I'm an introverted agoraphobic! And I like being that way! Since I got accepted into nursing school, all I've heard is...."You HAVE to be assertive in nursing school and clinicals if you want to survive!" Why?? Are there no shy, good, caring nurses out there in the world?? This isn't my first rodeo! I was in a nursing program 2 years ago. And the feedback I got was....you are too shy....too soft-spoken! My reply to that was....why?? Shy people can become nurses too...right?....I never got a reply to that by the way! Quite frankly, I'm annoyed (in a shy, passive sort of way!) that I feel like I have to change who I've been for most of my life, just to survive nursing school! And I don't want too! Can all the quiet, shy, passive introverted nurses please stand up(but only if you want too!) and let me know you are out there, and how you survived. Thanks!

[rubato, ASN, RN]

I wish I could be more introverted. I'm the one getting in trouble in clinicals because I talk way too much. I don't think before I speak, and can say things wrong a lot. I think introverts work very well in nursing as long as they talk when they need to, and it sounds like you'll be just fine.

[Wrench Party]

Remember that "assertive" does not mean necessarily mean "aggressive". I was as assertive as I needed to be in nursing school,

and when confronted by a clinical instructor and several classmates for not talking enough, I told them something like "Just because I don't talk enough doesn't mean I'm not listening to what you're saying." In other words, some of us like to observe and absorb information instead of flapping our gums.

[SaoirseRN]

Being assertive doesn't mean being loud or changing who you are, it means being able to stand up for yourself and your patients, knowing when to set boundaries (you can be nice without being a push-over), and approaching a situation with confidence. You can still be quiet and introverted.

[nurseladybug12]

I am a quiet and shy person, and some of my teachers made negative comments about it and purposely embarrassed me about how my face would flush as it was happening which only made it worse at that moment! Which I thought was very rude. Anyways, many of my patients have expressed how they appreciate my calm, gentle demeanor and have said that it puts them at ease. I also appreciate when people interact with me in a genuine way, not being obviously phony with a fake smile on their face. I do not have a problem advocating for myself or my patients either just because I am "shy". As you handle patient after patient I think it will help you come out of your shell as it has helped me. So I say be yourself and don't worry about it, many of your patients will appreciate you for you.

[Amnesty]

I'm introverted but definitely not shy. Most people can never tell I'm introverted. I don't let them see the toll that social interaction takes on me.

You definitely have to be assertive to work in the medical field. It's not even just as a nurse. Every single person who comes into contact with a patient gets a valuable opportunity to make a difference in how that patient is cared for. As an aide in a hospital, I have to be assertive with patients all the time, not just for them. If you're shy and you come across as shy, a lot of patients will pick up on it and not follow your directions. It's almost like a battle of wills. I don't always win it, but more often than not, I get very lovely compliments on my abilities because I can make patients listen.

For instance, we had a little old lady in our hospital for breaking her ankle. She took an antibiotic, and it made her feel very sick to her stomach. She hardly ate anything normally and especially didn't want to with her stomach hurting, but I knew that if she'd eat a little something, she'd feel better. Taking pills on an empty stomach is nearly always a recipe for a belly ache. I told her all of that, and I went out of my way to make sure she got room service to bring her something she'd eat. And then I came back and made sure she ate it. Her daughter thought I was a miracle worker. I was just assertive and told the woman what she was going to do instead of letting there be any doubt about it, and she did it.

[Stcroix, ASN, PhD, RN]

I am an introvert, and I am a new nurse. I have always had the resources to be a 'chameleon' in many social situations and adapt to social norms. My nature however, is to be a very quiet, private person. As a floor nurse, I stay mostly to myself but interact with my coworkers in a cooperative manor. I will never be called a socialite or gregarious. I think I am more introspective than most, and as someone already alluded to, equips me well for dealing with patients one on one. For the most part, patients like me very much, and for the most part, I think I do a terrific job in being sensitive to their needs and health status. When something needs to be done or said for a patient, I never shy away from taking it on. Sure, calling docs the first few times was intimidating, but from my experience, it was for outgoing people too.

What I am saying is, unless you a are a painfully shy wallflower who can't say "boo", I think you can make it. The difficulty you may face is the one of being noticed among the crowd of applicants for a job. A prospective employer needs to know things about you, and being shy or quiet may be a disadvantage. I strongly suggest you get some hands on experience as a tech or volunteer to stand out from the crowd. If your sparkling personality can't impress a prospective employer, maybe your deeds will. Good luck.

[hopeful2015]

@nurseladybug12, I'm so glad you mentioned that you also get noticeable 'flushface' when attention is on you. This has happened to me since childhood (even at my wedding). I sincerely hope that it diminishes with nursing school.

[ricksy]

Some definitions of shy: lacking confidence in the presence of others, wary and distrustful, lacking self-confidence,not at ease in the company of others. I cut and pasted these from online dictionary. I hope you don't really mean you are shy... I don't think I would want you for a nurse. Maybe you are just quiet?????

[AlliD]

Have not read all of the previous posts so I apologize in advance if someone else already pointed this out.

There is a huge difference in being introverted and being shy. Someone can of course be both simultaneously, but not all introverts are shy and not all shy people are introverts. I don't see introversion posing much of a problem in nursing but you will need to overcome part of the shyness, otherwise you won't be able to ask questions, ask for help, or do your job efficiently IMO.

[AlliD]

"Just because I don't talk enough doesn't mean I'm not listening to what you're saying." In other words, some of us like to observe and absorb information instead of flapping our gums.

I can't even begin to explain how many times I have had to say this to people! It is extremely annoying when you're treated as if something is wrong with you because you're not speaking your every waking thought out loud.

[JaRoJoCT]

I am a quiet and shy person, and some of my teachers made negative comments about it and purposely embarrassed me about how my face would flush as it was happening which only made it worse at that moment! Which I thought was very rude. Anyways, many of my patients have expressed how they appreciate my calm, gentle demeanor and have said that it puts them at ease. I also appreciate when people interact with me in a genuine way, not being obviously phony with a fake smile on their face. I do not have a problem advocating for myself or my patients either just because I am "shy". As you handle patient after patient I think it will help you come out of your shell as it has helped me. So I say be yourself and don't worry about it, many of your patients will appreciate you for you.

Thanks nurseladybug12. This is exactly what I was hoping to hear. You can be yourself and still be a good advocate for your patients. I found too that the patients I did deal with were always appreciative of my quiet demeanor. You give me hope. Thank you for sharing your story...I really appreciate it!

[JaRoJoCT]

I am an introvert, and I am a new nurse. I have always had the resources to be a 'chameleon' in many social situations and adapt to social norms. My nature however, is to be a very quiet, private person. As a floor nurse, I stay mostly to myself but interact with my coworkers in a cooperative manor. I will never be called a socialite or gregarious. I think I am more introspective than most, and as someone already alluded to, equips me well for dealing with patients one on one. For the most part, patients like me very much, and for the most part, I think I do a terrific job in being sensitive to their needs and health status. When something needs to be done or said for a patient, I never shy away from taking it on. Sure, calling docs the first few times was intimidating, but from my experience, it was for outgoing people too.

What I am saying is, unless you a are a painfully shy wallflower who can't say "boo", I think you can make it. The difficulty you may face is the one of being noticed among the crowd of applicants for a job. A prospective employer needs to know things about you, and being shy or quiet may be a disadvantage. I strongly suggest you get some hands on experience as a tech or volunteer to stand out from the crowd. If your sparkling personality can't impress a prospective employer, maybe your deeds will. Good luck.

Stcroix: Thanks for the good advice! I have one question for you. Did your instructors ever comment about your quiet demeanor. Or did you 'transform' in such a way that they didn't notice, and how did it feel to be a 'chameleon'?