Why the heck do I have to be assertive???

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I'm an introverted agoraphobic! And I like being that way! Since I got accepted into nursing school, all I've heard is...."You HAVE to be assertive in nursing school and clinicals if you want to survive!" Why?? Are there no shy, good, caring nurses out there in the world?? This isn't my first rodeo! I was in a nursing program 2 years ago. And the feedback I got was....you are too shy....too soft-spoken! My reply to that was....why?? Shy people can become nurses too...right?....I never got a reply to that by the way! Quite frankly, I'm annoyed (in a shy, passive sort of way!) that I feel like I have to change who I've been for most of my life, just to survive nursing school! And I don't want too! Can all the quiet, shy, passive introverted nurses please stand up(but only if you want too!) and let me know you are out there, and how you survived. Thanks!

Some definitions of shy: lacking confidence in the presence of others, wary and distrustful, lacking self-confidence,not at ease in the company of others. I cut and pasted these from online dictionary. I hope you don't really mean you are shy... I don't think I would want you for a nurse. Maybe you are just quiet?????

ricksy: I have to admit that some of that definition is true for me. I lack self confidence, and as I mentioned, I'm an agoraphobic....fear of crowds, or being around people! I have learned how to deal with this part of my persona over the years. My husband, who is extremely extroverted, is always pushing me out of my comfort zone, so I can still go to a social gathering and shine.....but I hate the crap out of it....and can't wait to get back to the comfort and safety of my home(that's a topic for another website, and another time!! Ha!) But my biggest issue is the lack of self confidence....I'm really working on this. I can speak up for myself and others, when I'm in a situation where I have too....but man, do I feel nausea after that. I guess that is part of who I am, and that's never going to change. My biggest issue is....I just want to be me! I don't want to change so much just so I can become a nurse, that I don't recognize who I am anymore. I just don't want to change to become a nurse!

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I can't even begin to explain how many times I have had to say this to people! It is extremely annoying when you're treated as if something is wrong with you because you're not speaking your every waking thought out loud.

AlliD: I have to admit, I'm both shy AND introverted...oy vey(thanks mum and dad!) It's interesting to see that this comes up a lot. People assume that there is something wrong with you if your not talking all the time during lectures, clinicals, or pre and post clinical conferences. My CI would tell my to speak up more, mostly in front of the other students, all the time! I'm listening and learning, I just don't broadcast it!

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Specializes in Hospice.

Your original post had some great humor in it, so I'm guessing like me, you rely on your humor to get through tough situations! I have been painfully shy my whole life, but being married for twelve years to an extroverted social butterfly helped me come out of my shell alot. I start nursing school in the Fall and I'm not worried about my personality holding me back. Not only will we have to advocate for patients, but for ourselves as well. Good luck!

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Specializes in cardiac-telemetry, hospice, ICU.
Stcroix: Thanks for the good advice! I have one question for you. Did your instructors ever comment about your quiet demeanor. Or did you 'transform' in such a way that they didn't notice, and how did it feel to be a 'chameleon'?

Yes, I was mostly un-noticed in classes, but I did ask questions when I needed clarification. People were often surprised when I did speak up, and realized when I did speak it was for a good reason. Playing a part or "being a chameleon" does feel strange many times, but like anything gets better with practice. There will always be situations where you need to participate, or you will certainly seem 'odd'. Step outside your comfort zone sometimes, you might find it feels good.

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Your original post had some great humor in it, so I'm guessing like me, you rely on your humor to get through tough situations! I have been painfully shy my whole life, but being married for twelve years to an extroverted social butterfly helped me come out of my shell alot. I start nursing school in the Fall and I'm not worried about my personality holding me back. Not only will we have to advocate for patients, but for ourselves as well. Good luck!

Lorirn2b: We have similarities that are freaky! I do use humor a lot in tough, perceived awkward situations. I too married a man who considers himself 'the' social butterfly! And that has helped me(because I really had no choice!)to come out of my shell more! I'm happy to hear that you're not going to let your personality hold you bad, and that is inspiring to me! Good luck!

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Specializes in LTC, home health.

I am also a somewhat introverted person. I have been a nurse for several years now, and I am much more assertive. I am more outspoken with my opinions. The job will challenge you and make you grow which is really not a bad thing. I'm still very thoughtful and like my alone time, but I've become much more social too. Sometimes it is good to try something that makes you stretch beyond your norm.

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AlliD: I have to admit, I'm both shy AND introverted...oy vey(thanks mum and dad!) It's interesting to see that this comes up a lot. People assume that there is something wrong with you if your not talking all the time during lectures, clinicals, or pre and post clinical conferences. My CI would tell my to speak up more, mostly in front of the other students, all the time! I'm listening and learning, I just don't broadcast it!

I totally understand.. It usually gets under my skin when someone points out how quiet I am being, and everyone's attention immediately goes to me, waiting for me to explain myself. But now I just shake it off and ignore them even more. Lol.

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Most people think I'm very introverted and shy outside of work. I hated clinicals during school with all the new people every single day and none of the nurses wanted to teach you. It's just very hard getting through school like that. But once you are on your own floor it will get much better. You can't be shy with your pts because then your pts will feel shy with you and hold back information. Most of the time you need to know personal information and you need the truth. I always tell my new grads once they do a few suppositories and enemas they won't be shy anymore.

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I saw a comment awhile ago mentioning that clinical instructors hate shy, introverted people, but it has more to do with your confidence than anything else. I just graduated nursing school and got into an adult ICU because of several reasons. Like the original poster I was pretty shy the first day in nursing school. Never wanting to raise my hand for a question due to the possibility of being wrong. I have always been an extrovert, but you have that feeling of being an introvert when doing nursing school due to the a whole new world inside the hospital walls. Make an assertive effort however to talk to your instructors about anything to show you are willing to learn and confident in yourself! It seems silly, but most of the time other nurses think a shy nurse is an "no confidence" nurse and is a liability for everyone around. This should not be the case, but that is human nature and judgement. When I see other shy people during work I try to understand them better and get them to understand when to be assertive and when you don't have to be. In the ICU I can not afford the luxury of being shy, because I have to ask the hard questions and be a leader when I am called upon a code and imagine having to correct nurses with 10 years experience on me that they are doing something wrong before they make mistakes, talk about awkward and frightening! This is instances when being shy is a no-no because I have a ton of liability and responsibility and my license is on the line. Just keep your eyes and ears open while at clinicals because if you find a unit you feel comfortable being in with your personality, you will not have to sacrifice anything about your identity. Best of luck for nursing school.

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