Why on earth does no one make eye contact?

z's playa · Jun 12, 2005

It's a societal thing.
Used to be that we all knew our neighbors, we waved at strangers, and we made eye contact and obliged with 'Howdy, how are you?' or some form of greeting.
The decline in all these other interpersonals makes eye contact interpersonal also.
If you want to ask, why? Well that could be a heck of a research paper. My take: When we became a 2 income society, we became just too darn busy for niceties. Our 24/7 society so overworks most of us that any moment of time to ourselves, is ours and ours alone! This btw, is the same reason why we are a prozac nation: I just don't think we were designed for the pace of life we now set. And that pace has its price.
It's a side effect of modern society: eye contact takes a social investment that most people just aren't willing (or they don't have enough emotional reserve) to expend anymore.
~faith,
Timothy.

I've been toying with the idea of actually telling someone how I'm doing when they casually stroll by me and ask "How you doin?"

Could you imagine the look on their face when I stop in the hall and say:

"Well I'm glad you asked..as a matter of fact I'm not feeling too well..my dog passed away over the weekend....my daughter is devastated so I'm thinking of bring her to a thearapist to work through some of the issues surrounding the death...which reminds me......bla bla bla."

I find it funny when people casually ask me that when I know they really don't want to know.

Z

z's playa · Jun 12, 2005

hmmmmmm... glad I live where I do. Genuine smiles and eyecontact greetings are the norm here. Why, ppl you don't even know still wave at you from their cars as they pass you. Here it would be considered highly rude to NOT acknowledge another's presence.. and I don't mean simply eye contact, either. It is accompanied with a "hi there", "hey there", G'morning", "hi","howdy".. whatever.
Z.......... I love your goal above.. do it !
TRAIN those rude suckers how to act !!! :D

Will do, will do ! :w00t:

Z

leopold · Jun 12, 2005

I'm usually so preoccupied that I barely notice people around me. I've at times ignored a person standing right next to me simply because I was so caught up in my thoughts that I din't really notice them. I think on some level I've got bad manners -- I was never actually taught how to be social as I was very isolated growing up. Since I've been out in the world I've really noticed it because people see me and always say Hi how are you and they really catch me off guard. I try very hard to be more social.

When I lived in Spain everyone always said Hi how are you every time they saw you. It was exhausting for someone as out of it as me but actually really great. I missed it a lot when I came back.

I think not making eye contact, at least in this country, comes off as shifty and maybe dishonest -- even though it might just be shyness. I always have to force myself to do that because I am very shy and I noticed that I tend not to look at people.

SmilingBluEyes · Jun 12, 2005

It's American culture, and perhaps Canadian as well. When you pass someone you don't know you ignore them. It's nothing to do with the hospital, it's everywhere. I have to go through a corridor that connects two buildings to get to my car, and every morning people are arriving to work as I'm leaving. No eye contact. I've always been a people watcher so when our eyes meet, I'll speak.

I agree with Tweety here. As usual, it's not going to pay to assign generalizations based on observations like this. It's cultural and does not mean society is heading down the toilet just yet. I find if you do smile, people are as likely to smile back as not. Look in the mirror and see the face you project to the world. Is there something YOU can improve on as well? I think often, we are not aware of the "face" we present to the world. Relax yours and smile more. You may be AMAZED how others react. :)

jnette, ASN, EMT-I · Jun 12, 2005

Yeh.. I think we have become so self absorbed that others seem not to matter anymore. I like Z's idea of "retraining".. because it IS contagious when you start saying HI and smiling at one another.. it not only makes others feel good, but yourself as well. It's a nice BREAK from the selfabsorbance and our own thoughts. Let's lighten up, folks !

It's actually one of the things I've always enjoyed about Americans.. their openess and quick smiles and greetings. Seems like this may now be rapidly becoming a thing of the past. Sad.

z's playa · Jun 12, 2005

When I lived in Spain everyone always said Hi how are you every time they saw you.

Can you imagine working in a hospital in Spain where you run across the same people all day long? Yep...could get a little repetative :chuckle . But friendly .

Z

ZASHAGALKA, RN · Jun 12, 2005

I'm not saying that society is 'going down the toilet', it's just a different society than it used to be.

The 'greatest generation' didn't have the same pressures as we do today. That's not to say they didn't have pressures; just that they are different today.

Lack of eye contact, higher divorce rates, a sharp increase in people who think that anonymity is an excuse to be rude (not saying anybody on this particular thread is being rude, but look at a few others!) : these are a few of the bad things.

Going to the grocery store at 3am (cause that's when I'm up), FoxNEWS, my computer and ultimately, access to things like this thread: good things.

When I was a student at Texas A&M, they trained the Corps members to always make eye contact and say 'howdy' if somebody made eye contact with them. I discovered this doing an experiment in which I decided to make eye contact and greet everybody: around campus, few people would return eye contact except for the cadets - and they never failed to look you in the eyes.

My first job, at a local grocery store chain: it was a requirement to make eye contact and ask every customer that passed, "can I do something for you?" Even 1 failure was cause for termination. Imagine a rule like that with customer service establishments up North?!?

~faith,

Timothy.

DianeMyra · Jun 12, 2005

I'm noticing an annoying trend at school - cell phone use while attempting to walk. I have had to almost dive out of the way because they're oblivious to anything else around them. Usually it's not while talking, but while either dialing, texting or rummaging through something on their phone; there fingers and legs are fast at work, but their mind isn't on the pathway

LydiaNN · Jun 12, 2005

I'm not saying that society is 'going down the toilet', it's just a different society than it used to be.
The 'greatest generation' didn't have the same pressures as we do today. That's not to say they didn't have pressures; just that they are different today.
Lack of eye contact, higher divorce rates, a sharp increase in people who think that anonymity is an excuse to be rude (not saying anybody on this particular thread is being rude, but look at a few others!) : these are a few of the bad things.
Going to the grocery store at 3am (cause that's when I'm up), FoxNEWS, my computer and ultimately, access to things like this thread: good things.
When I was a student at Texas A&M, they trained the Corps members to always make eye contact and say 'howdy' if somebody made eye contact with them. I discovered this doing an experiment in which I decided to make eye contact and greet everybody: around campus, few people would return eye contact except for the cadets - and they never failed to look you in the eyes.
My first job, at a local grocery store chain: it was a requirement to make eye contact and ask every customer that passed, "can I do something for you?" Even 1 failure was cause for termination. Imagine a rule like that with customer service establishments up North?!?
~faith,
Timothy.

I worked in a supermarket in Pennsylvania and we had the exact same rule. I think your last statement is making a huge, sweeping, generalization, and one that is an unfair indictment of people "up north". I think the other observations on this thread apply to people all across this country- yes, including Texas.

ZASHAGALKA, RN · Jun 12, 2005

Live in TX now, but lived up north and went to nsg school in MD

It might be a generalization, but I didn't make it first; earlier in this thread, it was commented several times that the further south you go, the friendlier the natives.

I'll concede that it's a generalization: but it DOES have some validity to it. TV has conglomerized us, but there are still some regional differences.

~faith,

Timothy.

Soleilpie · Jun 12, 2005

talaxandra and Tweety both make good points, I do look people in the eye too and I have noticed both of these things. In long Hospital corridors it is almost like stareing if you look too long then you feel you are being aggressive. Another point is aggression, many people feel that looking others in the eye is an act of aggression and a threat, even in nursing school they teach us that Asian's and Latino's take stareing as a direct insult. So there are many reasons, just keep looking and smile at those who look back and don't take it personally of those that don't

I would imagine that just about everyone would consider staring rude.

SmilingBluEyes · Jun 12, 2005

I worked in a supermarket in Pennsylvania and we had the exact same rule. I think your last statement is making a huge, sweeping, generalization, and one that is an unfair indictment of people "up north". I think the other observations on this thread apply to people all across this country- yes, including Texas.

I agree. Actually, where I shop the clerks and baggers ALL make eye contact and ask if you need help w/the groceries to the car. And I live as far north in the USA as you can be---and not be in Canada. I wonder why people in the South think they have the "lock" on manners? I grew up in the North, but spent plenty of time living down South. I found good people on both sides of the "Mason-Dixon"....and not so good. I wish we could move past generalizations, already.