Why on earth does no one make eye contact?

LydiaGreen · Sep 30, 2004

CCU NURSE i can't believe that your nursing instructors were so prejudiced as to make such a statement about asians and latinos....that is just awful...aren't we all individuals....would you way that all caucasions think exactly alike...

We were also taught about the cultural considerations of eye contact in nursing school. This was not taught in a prejudicial way - we were taught that each person is an individual and while some may have little in common with their accepted cultural norms, others follow them to the letter. We have some First Nations communities where eye contact is considered rude and we have many other First Nations communities that vary with some being very main stream and others somewhere in between. We were taught to RESPECT cultural considerations and each patient's cultural practices. There are some patients who completely shut down if you attempt to make eye contact - won't even talk to you.

When I first started clinicals in the hospital where I now work, I noticed that there seemed to be a lot of segregation amongst the different departments - housekeeping staff, kitchen staff, maintenance, nursing, physicians. I have always made it a practice to make eye contact with anyone I pass in the hallway or the parking lot and say "good morning", "good afternoon", whatever. I always make it a practice to always say "thank you" to each person who is involved with my patient's care (PT, physician, housekeeping). It is amazing how quickly and happily you receive a positive response to a request when you have always been friendly and appreciative when encountering that person in the past.

In the health profession, I think a lot of the time, eye contact is a direct result of the person's individual confidence level. In my first semester of clinicals, I rarely made eye contact with the experienced staff - I was terrified they would realize how little I actually knew :chuckle ! Now, as a new RN, I have gained a little bit of confidence and find it much easier to make eye contact. Perhaps the other students you are seeing are simply overwhelmed. Nursing school was the hardest thing I ever did in my life and I really did not have the energy leftover to say "hello". Good luck to you. It is hard, but SO worth it.

OriginalWmn · Sep 30, 2004

Just to throw some of my own observations into the mix. I'm from the southern united states and went to a small college there as an undergrad. You couldn't walk across campus w/o several people saying hello and only some of them maybe knew personally. When I went to nursing school "up north" as my Daddy liked to call it, people were not as friendly. Not as likely to make eye contact and say "hi" in passing. No one starting a conversation out of the blue in a cafeteria line, etc.

Of course some of my friends who have lived or gone to school in the South (esp female friends) complained that they felt like everyone was nice to their face, but probably talked about them behind their back. I had one friend tell me she preferred being in the North b/c "if someone hated you you knew it and didn't have to wonder".

So, are you at a large university and maybe you lived in a small town or attended a smaller school previously? That could make a difference.

hypnotic_nurse · Sep 30, 2004

Just to throw some of my own observations into the mix. I'm from the southern united states and went to a small college there as an undergrad. You couldn't walk across campus w/o several people saying hello and only some of them maybe knew personally. When I went to nursing school "up north" as my Daddy liked to call it, people were not as friendly. Not as likely to make eye contact and say "hi" in passing. No one starting a conversation out of the blue in a cafeteria line, etc.
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I think you do get more eye contact the further south you go. I know when I moved north to Kansas and worked at KU, I'd see the same people day after day in the halls (I worked in two different offices which were quite a ways apart and was always going back and forth). They never looked at me. Finally I started doing a big wave when I'd those people. By the time I left there, five years later, I'd get waves and greetings everytime I walked out of my office. They may have thought I was nuts but I did notice that they smiled more often. :)

missmercy · Sep 30, 2004

The whole rural/urban concept affects this too. Having moved to a larger city from a really hick, red-neck kind of town where everybody knew everything about everybody else's business and was probably related to everybody else in some way or another -- ther tends to be alot less eye contact, spontaneous conversation, friendliness in general. There are just so many folk around these here parts that ya can't sit a spell and get acquainted, folks are afeared of peolpe they don't know --with the higher crime rates out here -- can understand that one), there are 3 high schools here and probably 25 elementary/middle schools so you aren't working with people who you see at the ballgames, soccer field, grocery store or even church -- there are just plain LOTS of people. Back home, you rubbed shoulders with everybody you worked with, their kids either played on your kids sports teams or agianst your kids sports teams and you probably saw each other at the store, the gas station and the park......

The cultural thing is certainly true --although we all know that generalized comments are nearly always inaccurate. I know that we have some docs that would be VERY insulted if I were to try to shake their hand or touched their arm -- being a woman and younger than they are -- it would imply that I was less than virtous in their cultural perspective.

So many interesting wrinkles to society! I just keep smilin' and saying "howdy" 9not really -- usually just good morning ot hi! -- I just like to exaggerate my red-neck, hillbilly heritage at times) -- and I don't let it stick in my craw if someone else doesn't do the same. Different strokes for different folks!~

SarasotaRN2b · Sep 30, 2004

I actually found that my perception about whether people up North (I'm originally from NY) or down south (Florida) had nothing to do with them but me. I'm definitely one who has changed from avoiding eye contact to engaging others when appropriate. It's not just that I've been at my community college so long that people know me, but that I acknowledge people with a smile. It doesn't matter whether they are students, faculty, staff members or cafeteria staff, I'll still give them a smile. 99 times out of 100, I'll get a smile and hi back, and the one that doesn't usually is dealing with something of their own.

I guess this may also be occurring as I get older.

Kris

Snowy · Sep 30, 2004

Something that seems to help with eye contact (and I've noticed this in a large variety of social groups) is to give a friendly smile, sometimes say a hello to initiate/ "break the ice"

merricat · Sep 30, 2004

If you're walking toward each other down a long corridor, it can be hard to know when to time the eye contact/greeting - too soon and you then have this bizarre "now what" decision to make, too late and it's "hope they didn't think I was a snob."

v. good point. ive heard it said people cannot make eye contact on the subway because then the crazy people will talk to you and then the criminals will think you are a tourist. making eye contact in america invites a higher level of intimacy and many people do not want that. many docs want to do their job and ge outta there, not be there all day. but within a school context... i have no idea. likely to change once you get out of school, i would think.

Jo Dirt · Sep 30, 2004

CCU NURSE i can't believe that your nursing instructors were so prejudiced as to make such a statement about asians and latinos....that is just awful...aren't we all individuals....would you way that all caucasions think exactly alike...

I have also heard more than once that in Japanese culture it is considered rude to look someone in the eye. I think it is rude myself, if I look at someone to talk I look at their chin or mouth or forehead even.

At the university I attend people generally look at the ground when they walk and rarely acknowledge people they pass in the hall. I don't think they are rude necessarily, if they are like me they have a real hard schedule to keep up with and a lot on their minds and are preoccupied.

June55Baby · Sep 30, 2004

I tend to agree with the posters who mention the North / South issue. I work in a small hospital in the deep South (God's Country), but have worked in a very large teaching hospital in the same area. At both, 'most EVERYONE acknowledges each other. To ingnore someone would be rude. At least a glance and a smile is offered.

We (teasingly) say we have to teach the new people who are from somewhere outside the South how to be "Southern" and ask, "Hey! How's ya Mama and 'em?"... HaHa :chuckle

CCU NRS · Oct 1, 2004

CCU NURSE i can't believe that your nursing instructors were so prejudiced as to make such a statement about asians and latinos....that is just awful...aren't we all individuals....would you way that all caucasions think exactly alike...

It was taught as cultural diferences I mean i was just boiling it down, They taught us that there are cultural difference and my 2 examples in this instance wre Asian's and Latino's, I apologize if I offended anyone that was not my intent, I was simply making an example.

CCU NRS · Oct 1, 2004

We were also taught about the cultural considerations of eye contact in nursing school. This was not taught in a prejudicial way - we were taught that each person is an individual and while some may have little in common with their accepted cultural norms, others follow them to the letter. We have some First Nations communities where eye contact is considered rude and we have many other First Nations communities that vary with some being very main stream and others somewhere in between. We were taught to RESPECT cultural considerations and each patient's cultural practices. There are some patients who completely shut down if you attempt to make eye contact - won't even talk to you.
When I first started clinicals in the hospital where I now work, I noticed that there seemed to be a lot of segregation amongst the different departments - housekeeping staff, kitchen staff, maintenance, nursing, physicians. I have always made it a practice to make eye contact with anyone I pass in the hallway or the parking lot and say "good morning", "good afternoon", whatever. I always make it a practice to always say "thank you" to each person who is involved with my patient's care (PT, physician, housekeeping). It is amazing how quickly and happily you receive a positive response to a request when you have always been friendly and appreciative when encountering that person in the past.
In the health profession, I think a lot of the time, eye contact is a direct result of the person's individual confidence level. In my first semester of clinicals, I rarely made eye contact with the experienced staff - I was terrified they would realize how little I actually knew :chuckle ! Now, as a new RN, I have gained a little bit of confidence and find it much easier to make eye contact. Perhaps the other students you are seeing are simply overwhelmed. Nursing school was the hardest thing I ever did in my life and I really did not have the energy leftover to say "hello". Good luck to you. It is hard, but SO worth it.

You are absolutely correct my learning was also in the form of cultural habits and differences, I was being overly brief perhaps in using examples without clarifying the context in which they were given

Roland · Oct 1, 2004

Personally, I hate to look people in the eye especially in an open setting. With women, I figure they think I might be "oggling" them and with guys I fear they might think I'm "challenging" them. In addition, eye contact almost necessitates verbal contact (or at least I feel as if it does). Sometimes, I will actually walk a good deal out of my way to avoid people especially if I think that I might know them. On the other hand I love talking to people in a "one on one" basis. I could talk to patients for hours if my schedule (and their inclination) permitted this. In addition, I have minimal stress about public speaking.

Could it be that the world is becoming more like me?