Who made the mistake (if anyone) and what should be done?

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Specializes in Staff Dev--Critical Care & Trauma.

Background:

- I work in staff development and am the primary educator for two units. One is a specialty care unit, the other is its associated ICU. I am also the lead instructor for our hospital's critical care entry program. Naturally, I keep an eye on my nurses on the specialty care unit and know which ones are good and that I would like to see move into ICU, if they are interested to do so. I have no control over hiring, firing, or any say as to who actually moves into ICU (I teach who the managers hire), but I definitely encourage nurses to move into critical care if they appear interested. (If they're not interested, that's fine... we need good nurses everywhere...)

- My wife is in nursing school and is doing her internship at another hospital.

- My wife's preceptor is roommate to one of the nurses on my specialty care unit

- Preceptor told wife that her roommate is not happy on the specialty care unit and is thinking about leaving.

- Wife passes this information on to me.

- All of this information peaks my interest, since said roommate/nurse is one I've had my eye on and have thought would do great in ICU.

- Very quitely and privately, I pull the nurse aside and mention to her that I've heard rumors that she's thinking about leaving and that before she makes any decisions, I'd like her to consider a move to ICU because I think she would do a great job. She denies the rumors, I tell her I still think she would do a great job in ICU and we go about our business.

- My wife calls me today from her internship to tell me that her preceptor is angry AT ME for telling her roommate that I heard that she was thinking about leaving and now my wife wants me to apologize to her preceptor.

Now to me, this seems all very high school.

My points:

- If this information was so confidential, preceptor should not have told wife and wife should not have told me. Or at the very least, someone along the chain should have said something about how confidential it was. Neither of those things happened.

- Preceptor is fully aware of my position in staff development and that I work with roommate's unit. She is also fully aware of my position teaching critical care entry.

- Both preceptor and roommate are only a year out of school. While they may not realize how tightly knit the nursing community in our city is, they probably realize it now. I know nurses in every hospital around, as do most of my colleagues. Did they truly think that this would not get out if someone else knew? (Maybe they didn't.)

- Considering there's a nursing shortage, did they really expect me to not try to hang onto a very good nurse? Especially one I think would do great in critical care?

So...

Did I act inappropriately? I want good nurses to stick around. I try to convince every one to stay. Heck, I even tried to convince one of my favorite nurses to break off her engagement so that she wouldn't have to move away (only jokingly, of course... well, almost).

What should be done? Wife says that I should suck it up and apologize to preceptor, even if I feel I did nothing wrong. I say I honestly did nothing wrong, and that if nothing else, preceptor and roommate have learned that if you want something to remain confidential in the local nursing community, you need to keep it to yourselves.

Thoughts?

I think your wife should have minded her own business and not repeated it to you and I think you should have done the same thing (minded your own business and not repeated it).

What you do now is your choice.

Specializes in Day Surgery, Agency, Cath Lab, LTC/Psych.

Personally, I don't think you did anything inappropriate. What you did sounds very much like something I would do if I were in the same situation. This is the age of a huge nursing shortage--hospitals are doing everything they can to recruit nurses. I think that you were just trying to do what you could to retain one. There is nothing wrong with that.

Specializes in NICU.

Apologize to the preceptor? No. That's for your wife to do. But I think everyone should apologize to the roommate!

How awful for her to have shared a difficult issue with a close friend, only to have it gossiped around town! ALL of you behaved inappropriately, and NO amount of "she should know better" changes that. IMO - that's placing the blame on the victim in order to justify everyone else's choices. Ick. You all played the gossip game, and it bit you on the orifice.

If you wanted to do anything about this situation, it should have been some low-key, mouth-closed observation, and maybe a friendly "please stop by my office if you just want to chat, or there's anything I can do for you. I think you're a great nurse!"

Specializes in ICU/ER.

A good apology is very valuable and in my opinion not used enough--do I personally think you need to apologize--no, but apparently the people involved feel that you do, and to be the better person I would do it. I would be very direct and honest though that your intention was not to start any trouble, but that you really value Nurse so and so, and you would love to see her move into the ICU because your hospital would hate to lose her etc etc etc.

What could you have done different--I suppose tell your wife to have the room mate come talk to you, but like you said, you dont do the hiring..so really I cant think of what you could have done different---

Here is an idea, make your wife dinner and tell her your sorry...my goodness, dont you hate the petty he said she said...

Specializes in LTC, MDS, Education.

I agree, it seems pretty high-schoolish to me. Never underestimate how immature and petty some people can be. You were trying to be a decent, concerned co-worker. She could have simply responded, " no everything is fine " and let it go. Instead she is making a big deal out of it. You have seen her true colors so be glad (privately) if she does leave the unit. Don't apologize to anybody!! Although it might not be a bad idea to take your wife to dinner and a movie......:wink2:

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

I don't blame that nurse for being angry. Something she told in confidence to a third party should never have been passed on the way it was. Human nature being what it is, though, I can understand how the information did get around, and why you wanted to try to encourage her to stay.

However, it's generally unprofessional to take someone aside and confront them with a 'rumor', especially when family connections and/or your own position are involved. My husband and I work in the same facility (I'm the DON and he's in maintenance), and it's understood that we do not act on things we hear through the grapevine. In fact, we rarely talk about work at home, but that's another story.

Anyway, he hears a lot of gossip out on the floors, and sometimes the staff and residents will confide in him when they don't want me to know about something officially, but need to put a 'bug in my ear'. I handle these things very circumspectly, working behind the scenes to accomplish what the staff person or resident needs, and the end result, usually, is a goal reached without the whole building being involved.

I'm not attacking you. I'm just saying that it may have been wiser to keep things to yourself until a better opportunity presented itself to let her know how much you wanted to keep her.

JMHO.

Specializes in Emergency & Trauma/Adult ICU.
Now to me, this seems all very high school.

I agree ... but probably not for the same reasons that you do.

While they may not realize how tightly knit the nursing community in our city is, they probably realize it now. I know nurses in every hospital around, as do most of my colleagues. Did they truly think that this would not get out if someone else knew? (Maybe they didn't.)

A nurse made a comment to her roommate -- a personal relationship, not a professional one. That comment led to your approaching her, in a professional capacity, not a personal one.

If I were this nurse, I would be way ticked off -- at all 3 of you. This is not about a "tightly knit nursing community." This is about 3 supposed adults. Two who apparently can't keep their mouths shut. And one who cannot distinguish personal relationships from professional responsibilities. I wouldn't be asking for apologies though ... I'd be doing a couple of other things.

1) Not talking to my roommate about anything more consequential than the weather, since she apparently can't keep anything in confidence.

2) Factoring in my nurse educator's microscopic oversight of my "feelings" into my decision-making process about possibly switching jobs.

:twocents:

Specializes in Maternal - Child Health.

Why did you disclose to the nurse that you had "heard a rumor?" All you had to do was to pull her aside and tell her that you were impressed with her skills and would like to know whether she would like you to "put in a good word" for her in terms of transferring to ICU.

She would have been pleased with your observations of her skills, may have considered staying put at said hospital for awhile, and wouldn't have felt that her confidence had been violated.

While I understand your perception that her negative reaction was overblown, I can understand it if she believes that a number of people now think she wants to leave her job. That can certainly have a negative impact on how her boss and co-workers view and treat her.

Specializes in Staff Dev--Critical Care & Trauma.
Why did you disclose to the nurse that you had "heard a rumor?" All you had to do was to pull her aside and tell her that you were impressed with her skills and would like to know whether she would like you to "put in a good word" for her in terms of transferring to ICU.

Hmmm. Good point. I never thought of that (obviously). I can see how that would be the sticky spot... I definitely don't think I was wrong in trying to retain a good nurse.

Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.
Hmmm. Good point. I never thought of that (obviously). I can see how that would be the sticky spot... I definitely don't think I was wrong in trying to retain a good nurse.

I'll play the devil's advocate here. You were thinking like a businessman and that's how the world of business operates sometimes by word of mouth. You're only doing your job using the connections you have to retain and recruit good nurses.

Granted you probably might not have said "I heard a rumor........".

Yes, it all sounds so high school, with the "he said/she said, he should apologize" stuff.

My opinion is if you don't want people to know your business then keep it to yourself.

Should you apologize? It wouldn't hurt to help mend fences and it won't kill you. Perhaps apologize for listening to a rumor, but stand you ground that you still think the nurse would be an excellent addition to your staff.

As a husband, I'm sure you know "if wife isn't happy.....no one's happy".

Specializes in Maternal - Child Health.
I definitely don't think I was wrong in trying to retain a good nurse.

I don't either. Perhaps you could approach her and let her know that you were well-intentioned, even if your efforts were a little "clumsy".

An "I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable." would probably go a long way.

Best to all.

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