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1. Aspiring Alice: the nurse who is focused on climbing the ladder, either by advancement of education, or shining shoes for the powers-that-be.
2. Bitter Betty: the nurse who is regularly embittered by (fill in the blank). Betty would be mad at Alice for being ambitious. Betty thinks everyone should be a bedside nurse. She resents nurses who seek loftier positions, especially those who are inexperienced. She is the type you do not tell you want to go to grad school when you have less than 2 years of experience.
3. Chatty Cathy: the nurse who talks about all sorts of things as if she is allergic to silence or has a phobia of shutting up. During report, Cathy will often talk about irrelevant things. She is the one to tell you the intubated patient’s grandmother-in-law had a history of lice before succumbing to the Spanish influenza of 1918. During the shift, you can often catch Cathy oversharing aimless things going on in her life like the fact that she is getting a C-section in two months followed by a vasectomy. Chatty Cathy and Bitter Betty live on the diametrical opposite tail ends of the political spectrum. Thankfully, they rarely work together.
4. DGAF Dan: this is the guy checking his texts or social media during a code. He is otherwise competent but will do questionable things that can lead one to question his misguided priorities.
5. Excellent Erin: this is the nurse who is involved in all unit committees and has nearly the entire alphabet on her nametag; Erin RN, BSN, CCRN, ACLS, BLS, FBI, FUBU, ETC.
6. Fake Frank: this is the nurse who will receive report from a nurse and act like everything is okay, then find an anthill to blow into a mountain for management to address. Like that Dulcolax that was given at 1730 instead 1600.
7. Gorgeous Gina: This is the stunningly beautiful nurse who flirts with the doctors. The docs love her despite her evident incompetence. Gina has the Docs personal numbers and can text them to get orders. Bitter Betty particularly reserves the utmost resentment for Gina.
8. Hungry Harry: the nurse who is always on break or asking to take a break.
9. Impatient Irene: the nurse who starts doing an assessment in the middle of bedside report.
10. Joyful Joy: the nurse who is always positive even when getting report about he quadriplegic patient with C-diff and all requests for a rectal tube have been declined. Negative Nancy (yet to be met) thinks Joy is doubling up on her antidepressant doses and that’s why she is so Joyful.
11. Kinky Kimberly: Kim is not as aesthetically pleasant as Gina, but she makes up for it with caking herself in make-up and tight scrubs. Her hair is often untied, and her picture is on the hospital flier. She also has the most Daisy nominations because she reminds her patients to fill them.
12. Lazy Lisa: 5 minutes into the shift she is already sitting down at the nurses’ station chatting all her assignment and drinking her 2 L mountain dew.
13. Moody Mary: unapproachable and the last one to be assigned an admit. No one dares to mess with her, not even bitter Betty. Mary's pungent disposition is palpable and she will stink up the entire shift in the blink of an eye.
14. Negative Nancy: pessimistic and often spins information to fit her negative scope/narrative. She is the one to start rumors in the unit and her gossip flies faster than a toupee in a hurricane.
15. Outgoing Owen: the nurse planning drinks after work and potlucks.
16. Panicking Paul: timid and nervous nurse who likes to play Monday-quarterback over things that are no longer in his control. He calls on his day off to check on a particular patient. Though he means well, he can be unintentionally annoying. He is the one always saying trite platitudes like “using my nursing judgement” or “it’s my license” ?
17. Quiet Quincy: the introvert of the unit. The polar opposite of Owen. Quincy says about 10 words the entire shift, rarely gets involved in any drama and nobody knows much about Quincy’s life outside of work.
18. Rebel Randy: bends every rule but is well experienced and all the newbies look up to him. Randy will do an intervention first then call to get an order for that intervention. He is the one who often gets assigned the sickest patients. Randy is unafraid to question management, especially about patient safety issues.
19. Sensitive Susan: Sue is the nurse who gets offended on behalf of everyone. Sue is quick to label others with the -ism du jour. She thinks it’s gross negligence that the cardiac patients are not on a vegan diet.
20. Timely Tom: organized and always leaves on time. Unlike Lisa, Tom finishes his work based on efficiency. Nancy thinks Tom skips certain duties and that is why he is never late.
21. Ubiquitous Usher: the nightshift nurse who works six 12hr shifts in a row and is always looking to pick up shifts. Usher survives on gas station food and potlucks.
22. Vociferous Vicky: the loudest and most opinionated person in the unit. Lacks self-awareness; however, she is too experienced to care about anyone who finds her verbosity uncomfortable.
23. Wacky Willy: the craziest nurse in the specialty. Everyone wonders how Willy is still employed. The type of nurse to give complaining patients the managers business card so that they can call directly and complain about substandard care. The type of nurse who takes a nap standing up in the patient’s room while chatting.
24. Xenophobic Xavier: bigoted nurse who resents those who are dissimilar to him.
25. Yellow-sleeve Yvonne: the nurse who is seemingly high at work. The jaundice raises a few eyebrows about alcoholism, and the long-sleeved thermals in the Summer raise more doubts, especially from Nancy.
26. Zealous Zack: always willing to go above and beyond the call of duty irrespective of convenience.
This is hilarious! I love it!
As for me, I am probably this:
18. Rebel Randy: bends every rule but is well experienced and all the newbies look up to him. Randy will do an intervention first then call to get an order for that intervention. He is the one who often gets assigned the sickest patients. Randy is unafraid to question management, especially about patient safety issues.
I also DGAF, but I wouldn't be on facebook during a code. C'mon now. Also, you are missing Sarcastic Susan: The Nurse with a dark sense of humor who has no problem saying the most inappropriate *** at the nurses station. She says what everyone is thinking.
48 minutes ago, ThePrincessBride said:I also DGAF, but I wouldn't be on facebook during a code. C'mon now. Also, you are missing Sarcastic Susan: The Nurse with a dark sense of humor who has no problem saying the most inappropriate *** at the nurses station. She says what everyone is thinking.
Sarcastic Sue is definitely my favorite kind of nurse, the older the better. IDK how I left her out. I had one when I was a new nurse. Everyone had told me the entire week, wait until you meet sarcastic Sue, you will love her. She worked weekends. So, I had to wait until Friday night. She still wore a dress and a cap. Never met a nurse who was sweeter and kinder than her inside a patient's room. As soon as she steps out and closes the door, her alter-ego showed up.
First time she gave me report, we go in the patient's room and she is the pinnacle of professionalism. We leave the room and I'm thinking report is over, she says "let me tell you about my night with that crazy butch b***h" (pointing at the pt's room). My mouth was agape, I nearly chocked on my gum. I think she was >60 years. Something I find extremely funny about a post-menopausal woman who cusses effortlessly and says the most inappropriate, yet hilarious things.
She once found out that gorgeous Gina was having an affair with a resident. Sarcastic Sue went on the most epic rant that I can't even paraphrase without violating TOS. She shared her 70-80's escapades with various men and organic substances that resemble powdered Johnson & Johnson products. LOL. Hysterical stuff! That story juxtaposed to how demure she dressed increased the hilarity of the rant. I loved working with her.
By trying to be a Zealous Zack I make myself into a Panicking Paul. And sometimes a Chatty Cathy chatting about how much I'm panicking! Real winning combination. Patients get the benefit of the Zealous Zack, coworkers suffer the actions of Paul and Cathy! And, agreed Sarcastic Sue is the best kind of nurse! My unit's version of Gorgeous Gina became a successful instagram model after being fired for negligent care. (taking butt selfies in the med room while other nurses re-filled her empty pressor bags)!
I think I can end up being a Frantic Frances. (perhaps subtype of Chatty Cathy). Gets anxious watching task list build up. Walks at the speed of light one way (and back again!) Spends at least 5 minutes looking for things in supply room, per trip. Can remember the direction the patient wants their left butt cheek wiped. Will forget to mention fever of 103 during shift report.
Totally had my Rebel Randy and Vociferous Vicky moments.. Got my specialty job and now wondering if I'll become Aspiring Alice which may be a sibling of Excellent Erin!
I would say Fake Frank may also be really annoyed about getting report from Lazy Lisa who gave the Dulcolax at 5:30 so she wouldn't have to deal with that ... poop...
And, perhaps a bit of Devil's Advocate Devon.
13 hours ago, Davey Do said:And, finally, like Wacky Willy, staff and psych patients often wondered on which side of the nursing station counter I should be.
This is why we speak the same language! LOL ? ?. All those years in psych where we can't decide if we should be helping the patients, or being the patients ? ??.
23 hours ago, cynical-RN said:Which nurse are you?
18. Rebel Randy: bends every rule but is well experienced and all the newbies look up to him. Randy will do an intervention first then call to get an order for that intervention. He is the one who often gets assigned the sickest patients. Randy is unafraid to question management, especially about patient safety issues.
20. Timely Tom: organized and always leaves on time. Unlike Lisa, Tom finishes his work based on efficiency. Nancy thinks Tom skips certain duties and that is why he is never late.
I aspire to be some combo of these 2, bc who really wants to stay late? And I always wanted to be a badass! So here's to hoping ?
1 hour ago, CalicoKitty said:I think I can end up being a Frantic Frances. (perhaps subtype of Chatty Cathy). Gets anxious watching task list build up. Walks at the speed of light one way (and back again!) Spends at least 5 minutes looking for things in supply room, per trip. Can remember the direction the patient wants their left butt cheek wiped. Will forget to mention fever of 103 during shift report.
Totally had my Rebel Randy and Vociferous Vicky moments.. Got my specialty job and now wondering if I'll become Aspiring Alice which may be a sibling of Excellent Erin!
I would say Fake Frank may also be really annoyed about getting report from Lazy Lisa who gave the Dulcolax at 5:30 so she wouldn't have to deal with that ... poop...And, perhaps a bit of Devil's Advocate Devon.
LOL Frantic Frances, I love it! Walking back and forth super fast but not really going anywhere/getting anything done while simultaneously ranting about how much there is to do! Going to the supply room but you're so worked up you don't see the item you're looking for right in front of you, then walk back out crying about how you can't find what you need. sighhhh...
Ubiquitous Usher is based on a real character too. He was paying child support for 5 kids under 16 with 4 baby mamas. Poor guy was quite depressed. He made the most money of all nurses in the unit, but perhaps took home the least after paying unto Caesar. He overworked so much, I used to tell him he was omnipresent in the unit like bacteria.
We became good work buddies and he would often ask me to draw his morning ABGs. Being new, naïve, and eager to impress, I took his requests as opportunities to gain more experience. As we became closer as time went by, I realized that he used to have tremors towards the tail end of the shift >9hrs of 12 hour shifts. IDK if that had an effect in his ability to stabilize ABG needles. Nonetheless, I was not sure whether he was having early Parkinsonian symptoms, or withdrawals d/t his fondness of volatile hydro-carbonous fluids.
Ubiquitous Usher ended up with a back injury, most likely while helping joyful Joy move the quadriplegic pt. with c-diff to a bariatric bed. With nearly 20 years of ICU experience, Usher looked like he had been in the ICU for nearly 20 years. This is partly why I think that bedside nursing is overrated, especially after 5 years of experience, considering the prevalence of ungrateful, demanding, and self-negligent patients. #WordtoYoungNurses. I digress. Last I checked he was working for an insurance company making nearly twice without the physical rigors of the ICU.
9 hours ago, Merrie82 said:This is why we speak the same language! LOL ? ?. All those years in psych where we can't decide if we should be helping the patients, or being the patients ? ??.
ACT-SHOO-ALL-LEE, Merrie, I have a theory about the reason why some are better at communicating with those with those with moderate to severe symptoms of mental illness, like psychosis:
It's the ability to be abstract.
For example, Loose Association is my stock in trade when it comes to being inspired to do art. One of the reasons why I never artistically suffer from the concept known as Writer's Block is because everything is a point of reference.
When dealing with, for example, a patient in the deep wells of a psychotic episode, spewing word salad, there still can be communication through loose association. It's kind of The First Word That Comes To Your Mind sort of thing, but it's also a Here & Now sort of thing, too.
I have connected with psychotic patients, and in that connection, allowed them to feel better because they knew Someone Spoke Their Language.
I've even been able to direct them toward a therapeutic goal.
Yes, Merrie, we speak the same language.
12 hours ago, cynical-RN said:First time she gave me report, we go in the patient's room and she is the pinnacle of professionalism. We leave the room and I'm thinking report is over, she says "let me tell you about my night with that crazy butch b***h" (pointing at the pt's room).
As a great supervisor once advised me, "When you go through that door, you're on!"
Thank you for sharing Sarcastic Susan stories with us, Cyn. Not only is your writing style incredibly entertaining and flows beautifically, it allows me to associate and recall fond memories.
In the 90's, at Anomaly State Hospital, I was in my early 30's and my Sarcastic Susan, Maggie, was in her early 60's.
While orienting, I accompanied Maggie with patients to visit with the psychiatrist. I noted that Maggie chided some of the patients, which got them irritated. I thought, "That's not appropriate!"
When we were alone, I asked Maggie about the chiding. She said, "If those patients go in there and the Doctor asks them questions, and they're able to hold it together the Doctor won't see their really sick side. I make them loose it a little so the Doctor sees them as we see them".
Maggie had the ability to control explosions, and was a true COB: Crusty on the outside with a soft, warm, gooey center.
I am just a Crusty Old Bat waiting eagerly for retirement.
I used to be all the above at one time or another in my career. I lost a lot of my shine through the years but I am competent and still care about the patient. I just have done had it w/the drama-mamas. (from admin to nursing to everyone else, including patients)
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I edited it to fit the context of discussion ? Nixon was inadvertently hilarious.