1. Aspiring Alice: the nurse who is focused on climbing the ladder, either by advancement of education, or shining shoes for the powers-that-be.
2. Bitter Betty: the nurse who is regularly embittered by (fill in the blank). Betty would be mad at Alice for being ambitious. Betty thinks everyone should be a bedside nurse. She resents nurses who seek loftier positions, especially those who are inexperienced. She is the type you do not tell you want to go to grad school when you have less than 2 years of experience.
3. Chatty Cathy: the nurse who talks about all sorts of things as if she is allergic to silence or has a phobia of shutting up. During report, Cathy will often talk about irrelevant things. She is the one to tell you the intubated patient’s grandmother-in-law had a history of lice before succumbing to the Spanish influenza of 1918. During the shift, you can often catch Cathy oversharing aimless things going on in her life like the fact that she is getting a C-section in two months followed by a vasectomy. Chatty Cathy and Bitter Betty live on the diametrical opposite tail ends of the political spectrum. Thankfully, they rarely work together.
4. DGAF Dan: this is the guy checking his texts or social media during a code. He is otherwise competent but will do questionable things that can lead one to question his misguided priorities.
5. Excellent Erin: this is the nurse who is involved in all unit committees and has nearly the entire alphabet on her nametag; Erin RN, BSN, CCRN, ACLS, BLS, FBI, FUBU, ETC.
6. Fake Frank: this is the nurse who will receive report from a nurse and act like everything is okay, then find an anthill to blow into a mountain for management to address. Like that Dulcolax that was given at 1730 instead 1600.
7. Gorgeous Gina: This is the stunningly beautiful nurse who flirts with the doctors. The docs love her despite her evident incompetence. Gina has the Docs personal numbers and can text them to get orders. Bitter Betty particularly reserves the utmost resentment for Gina.
8. Hungry Harry: the nurse who is always on break or asking to take a break.
9. Impatient Irene: the nurse who starts doing an assessment in the middle of bedside report.
10. Joyful Joy: the nurse who is always positive even when getting report about he quadriplegic patient with C-diff and all requests for a rectal tube have been declined. Negative Nancy (yet to be met) thinks Joy is doubling up on her antidepressant doses and that’s why she is so Joyful.
11. Kinky Kimberly: Kim is not as aesthetically pleasant as Gina, but she makes up for it with caking herself in make-up and tight scrubs. Her hair is often untied, and her picture is on the hospital flier. She also has the most Daisy nominations because she reminds her patients to fill them.
12. Lazy Lisa: 5 minutes into the shift she is already sitting down at the nurses’ station chatting all her assignment and drinking her 2 L mountain dew.
13. Moody Mary: unapproachable and the last one to be assigned an admit. No one dares to mess with her, not even bitter Betty. Mary's pungent disposition is palpable and she will stink up the entire shift in the blink of an eye.
14. Negative Nancy: pessimistic and often spins information to fit her negative scope/narrative. She is the one to start rumors in the unit and her gossip flies faster than a toupee in a hurricane.
15. Outgoing Owen: the nurse planning drinks after work and potlucks.
16. Panicking Paul: timid and nervous nurse who likes to play Monday-quarterback over things that are no longer in his control. He calls on his day off to check on a particular patient. Though he means well, he can be unintentionally annoying. He is the one always saying trite platitudes like “using my nursing judgement” or “it’s my license” ?
17. Quiet Quincy: the introvert of the unit. The polar opposite of Owen. Quincy says about 10 words the entire shift, rarely gets involved in any drama and nobody knows much about Quincy’s life outside of work.
18. Rebel Randy: bends every rule but is well experienced and all the newbies look up to him. Randy will do an intervention first then call to get an order for that intervention. He is the one who often gets assigned the sickest patients. Randy is unafraid to question management, especially about patient safety issues.
19. Sensitive Susan: Sue is the nurse who gets offended on behalf of everyone. Sue is quick to label others with the -ism du jour. She thinks it’s gross negligence that the cardiac patients are not on a vegan diet.
20. Timely Tom: organized and always leaves on time. Unlike Lisa, Tom finishes his work based on efficiency. Nancy thinks Tom skips certain duties and that is why he is never late.
21. Ubiquitous Usher: the nightshift nurse who works six 12hr shifts in a row and is always looking to pick up shifts. Usher survives on gas station food and potlucks.
22. Vociferous Vicky: the loudest and most opinionated person in the unit. Lacks self-awareness; however, she is too experienced to care about anyone who finds her verbosity uncomfortable.
23. Wacky Willy: the craziest nurse in the specialty. Everyone wonders how Willy is still employed. The type of nurse to give complaining patients the managers business card so that they can call directly and complain about substandard care. The type of nurse who takes a nap standing up in the patient’s room while chatting.
24. Xenophobic Xavier: bigoted nurse who resents those who are dissimilar to him.
25. Yellow-sleeve Yvonne: the nurse who is seemingly high at work. The jaundice raises a few eyebrows about alcoholism, and the long-sleeved thermals in the Summer raise more doubts, especially from Nancy.
26. Zealous Zack: always willing to go above and beyond the call of duty irrespective of convenience.
