When "The Calling" wears off?

[eriksoln]

Believe it or not, this isn't another debate over: Is nursing a calling or a job?

We all have our own reasons for entering nursing as our career of choice. Some feel a biblical calling that makes them feel they can change the lives of others in a positive way. Good for you, I'd love for you to take care of my parents if they were ill. Some see it as the job that fits them best because nursing offers different schedules (nights or days, weekends etc....) and it works well for them. Good for you, if your home life is in order, it will show in your work, glad to have a positive attitude on board. Others might be attracted to the daily changes and challenges nursing offers. Great, love someone not afraid to step up to the plate, if I have a massive MI I bet you'd do wonders to help save me. The list I'm making here could go on for infinity........three times.

Whatever your reason for becoming a nurse, you have to care on some level. That goes without saying. Nursing offers a lot, but not enough to attract the "business minded folk". I believe we are all where we are meant to be at this point in time. Whatever our "calling" is or wherever it comes from, I'm glad you're here.

What to do though when our "calling", the motivation that brings us into nursing, goes unsatisfied or.........saturated with satisfaction?

I got into nursing because I was brought up believing one should always strive to be of the utmost asset to their community as they can. I feel good healthcare and a good experience with a nurse during troubled times does this. I give the best of me I have to offer my patients and go home feeling "I've done my part, I am living not just existing."

Now, a little over five years after my first day as a nurse and much the wiser, I wonder about that. Finding the healthcare field so polluted with "business minded folk" and so many other energies pulling against me while I try to deliver good nursing care has been a big disappointment for me. I have, to a degree, lost my confidence that "good healthcare" can be delivered in today's medical model. The reasons for this are numerous and varied but, believe me in this.......they are not imagined nor just a reflection of me having a couple bad days at work.

So, here I am, with my "calling" going unsatisfied. I don't feel like a "valuable community member" most days and I certainly don't feel I am able to serve my fellow man/woman in my role as a nurse these days. I often feel as though I am a marionette with the strings being pulled by people who could care less about the patient and I am being forced to perform a dance that is nothing like what I got into nursing for. It is very difficult for me to convince myself to go to work some days, I often say to myself "Eh, why bother, another day of me running around trying to just keep people safe all the while people's needs go unmet and ignored. And, in the end, of course, it'll be my fault because we all know hospitals are staffed and equipped so well (tongue in cheek).

My "calling" has pretty much vanished and gone away. Yes, I am guilty of being one who goes in just for the paycheck and doesn't believe I make much of a difference anymore. Too many years of playing "donkey carrot" hoping to find a situation where I could help and not finding it have put me in a mood where I just do work because I have to work.

So what keeps you going when you are down and out about the quality of care being given these days?

Me: Well, I like that I can do things with my parents and enjoy their company while they are still healthy. Before I was a nurse, I couldn't pay for anything myself and didn't own a car, so including me in family gatherings was a bit of a pain. Not so anymore.

I also have my kittens, Calvin and Hobbes, to help my mood. I often have to look at them to find reasoning not to call off. If I don't take care of them, no one else will and they are two perfect little angels. No reason they should suffer just cause I can't figure this stuff out.

Yes, my reasons for continuing to be a nurse are kinda skimpy and self serving, but its what gets me to work anyway. I'm going for my BSN and then my MSN in Informatics, because I think I can accomplish something in that area. Then I'll have a whole new, refreshed "calling" to keep me going. Till then, guess it'll have to be what I got for now.

[eriksoln, BSN, RN]

Ahem, coming from yours truly, aka the Editing Queen, you can change the title.

ETA: The post wouldn't be complete without it.

Oh?

I gotta figure this stuff out. You know, it took me.........well, too long.......just to figure out how to hop between AN and ANC.

[anotherone, BSN, RN]

What keeps me going is the paycheck. That's it. I don't know what else to do that would pay me the same per hour. I just keep going for the money. It is how I can afford to drive a car, pay rent, cable for the first time in my life, a phone,etc.I like being able to afford things that before I could never buy. I could go back to a min wage job but then I would have to give up all of those things and take creepy public transportation and live in a run down/unsafe part of town! (lol) although after some shifts I think that might be worth it!

[eriksoln, BSN, RN]

Nah, I think the original title is just fine. It's a metaphor already anyway- anyone literally hearing someone calling them to be a nurse might need to be 302'd.

Now there is a good ANC thread.

Thread title: "When you heard your calling to be a nurse, what voice was it in?"

Many will say Jesus or a long gone relative or a sick child.

Me: I have to choose between Darth Vader or Stephen King.

[hiddencatRN, BSN, RN]

Now there is a good ANC thread.

Thread title: "When you heard your calling to be a nurse, what voice was it in?"

Many will say Jesus or a long gone relative or a sick child.

Me: I have to choose between Darth Vader or Stephen King.

*Kkkkrrrrrr* Luuuukeee *KKKKrrrrr* Go to nursing school *KKKKKKrrrrr* It's way better than being a Jedi *KKKKKKKrrrrr*

[eriksoln, BSN, RN]

*Kkkkrrrrrr* Luuuukeee *KKKKrrrrr* Go to nursing school *KKKKKKrrrrr* It's way better than being a Jedi *KKKKKKKrrrrr*

Jedi Mind Trick would be nice though as a nurse:

While next to hospital admin.: "You don't want to lower the nurses wages."

While next to the CNA: "You hate the internet, bathing people is much more interesting."

The Manager: "You don't care about making that meeting, you want to fix the holes in the schedule instead."

The Patient: "You hate Pepsi and Pizza, vegetables and exercise are fun fun fun."

The Family Member: "You don't want to yell at nurses for trifle things, you want to spend time with your mom and comfort her instead of making things worse."

The lazy Co-worker: "You love answering call bells."

[wooh, BSN, RN]

Now there is a good ANC thread.

Thread title: "When you heard your calling to be a nurse, what voice was it in?"

Was the voice inside your head or outside your head?

[eriksoln, BSN, RN]

Was the voice inside your head or outside your head?

Mine was outside, definitely outside.

<_>

>_>

Wait. Which one means you are crazy?

[cherrybreeze, ADN, RN]

Over the years, I have found that my passion for nursing has come and gone, also. Having it return wasn't always due to a big "happening," either....one really good day/experience could be enough to revive it. One patient that let me know how much of a difference I made to them, just by being me, and being there. Sounds corny, perhaps, but there you have it. Sometimes, it's a more *technical* thing....I made a good catch on a new symptom, and did something significant that helped a patient's condition or course of treatment. That would do it, too.

But yes, most days are just punching the clock lately. There are way too many factors these days that take away from the simple "joy" of nursing. Finding those small joys, among the muck, can help you remember why you are where you are.

Hang in there.

[wooh, BSN, RN]

Wait. Which one means you are crazy?

I was hoping a psych nurse would let us know before I admit to where I heard the call....

[JeneraterRN]

You know OP, I've read many of your posts and have found them very interesting. Keeping in mind that I only know you from posts, I could definitely see you as being the idealistic philosophical type. This sort of person I particularly appreciate because they are analytical, but they do have an Achilles' heel-thinking idealistically can make reality very disappointing. It seems that you are either burned out or down and out, and finding a way out can be as exasperating as feeling the way you do. I find that going through the motions until I start feeling better about my job helps a lot because it's bound to get better sometime. Good luck! I hope I'm not too far off, and I'm sorry if I am.

[eriksoln, BSN, RN]

You know OP, I've read many of your posts and have found them very interesting. Keeping in mind that I only know you from posts, I could definitely see you as being the idealistic philosophical type. This sort of person I particularly appreciate because they are analytical, but they do have an Achilles' heel-thinking idealistically can make reality very disappointing. It seems that you are either burned out or down and out, and finding a way out can be as exasperating as feeling the way you do. I find that going through the motions until I start feeling better about my job helps a lot because it's bound to get better sometime. Good luck! I hope I'm not too far off, and I'm sorry if I am.

A friend of mine in recovery calls it "Acting your way into right thinking".

I am in the dumps, but not 100% sure why. I think a lot of it has to do with work. I went back into M/S to be free of working full time nights but............being back on M/S is its own curse. I've had enough of it. I keep thinking I'd feel better in another specialty. Then again, would I?

Thanks for the encouragement.

[GHGoonette, BSN, RN]

As previously pointed out, your passion for your work has its ups and downs. There are times when you feel like you can move mountains, others when you can't lift your head over the top of the molehill. When I first started nursing, you had to have been "called", or there was no way you would be prepared to even consider it. The salaries at that time were a joke; RNs were earning the same money as final year apprentices. Although the cost of living was much lower then, there was no way you could actually survive on an RN's income. Strangely enough, there was no shortage of nurses - truly dedicated, exceptionally hard working people. The State hospitals where I worked in my training days were heavily staffed - I don't believe I ever had more than six patients allocated to me, except on night duty.

The biggest change which I saw was the rise of private, for-profit health care. I used to believe that any company entering this risky field had to have some motivation to provide a service to the community. How naive I was. There is no motivation in the private sector other than how much they can screw out of their customers in order to increase the profit margin. They do not give a flying fornication whether the service rendered was adequate or not, or whether they are maintaining safe conditions in their hospitals, just so long as they can hear repeated loud, resounding Ka-Chings. The CEOs of private HC would be equally at home in a supermarket or fast-food chain. When you constantly see such low moral standards, it plays havoc with your dedication.

I believe, like many who have posted here on AN, that the nursing shortage, other than in 3rd world countries, is a fallacy created by the private sector to excuse their poor staffing ratios, and the only people who can blow the whistle on them are the nurses and the patients. It infuriates me that patients are encouraged to complain to management about the service they received...."hey, no problem, we'll just fire the nurse, plenty more where she came from"....and the root of the problem is neatly concealed under the carpet. Better by far to go public and lambaste the company in the media, exposing their shoddy practices.

Yes, Erik, I hear you; keeping the fire burning is hard, hard work when the cold water of cynicism is drenching you every day.