I am in my forties, but a lot of people (such as waitresses, sales clerks, cashiers) call me "honey" and "sweetheart" all the time. I think this is fine, when the person is older than me, but I get annoyed when someone who is young enough to be my daughter calls me "honey." Males never call me by these names (with the exception of my husband!)
Occasionally, a subordinate at work will call me "honey. " I tell them immediately not to refer to me that way. But when a waitress does it, I let it go. I'd like to ask them not to, however.
I have only rarely referred to anyone as "sweetheart," and when I have, it's been a child, or a pt in a very vulnerable, hurt state, who is seeking reassurance and protection.
(I added the bold to emphasize a particular part of jlsRN's post)
Thanks so much for this post.
Obviously, being called "honey" or "sweetheart" by those younger than us is seen as rude by many people.
I am suprised at some of the defensive reactions on this thread from some who do not understand why others would be offended.
An elderly pt is certainly welcome to call me "honey"
However, a teen-age grocery store clerk calling me "honey" is way out of line.
My one and only complaint to my local Safeway involved a snotty young checker who, among other things, called me 'hon' (after curtly ordering me to get my stuff on to her conveyer belt). I told her that "a lot of people don't like being called 'hon'", and she gave me a snotty answer. According to my favorite checker Sandy, she'd been having a lot of complaints.
I really couldn't care less who calls me Honey. As long as no one throws anything at me or hits me, Honey sounds okay to me. Most of the time I think that people who call you Honey or Darling cannot remember your name and that is fine with me as I don't remember everyone's name either especially when I am busy and am concentrating on more important things during the course of a nurses' day. When I am calculating how much some one is to get of a drug or calculating an I.V. or trying to work out as to reasons what could have contributed someone to present with chest pain, I don't have time to think what someone's name is and it is more polite to say Honey or Darling instead of Hey You! I live in a country village in Australia where we have limited access to Doctors and this has put a lot of pressure onto us. We have all had to complete a course in First Line Emergency Care so when we are presented with an emergency we have to work fast and use all the skills that we have been taught. So who cares what one is called.
I think it's annoying. My name is Erica, not honey, or sweetie, or whatever. And I find it demeaning when I hear other nurses calling patients honey, or sweetie. They also have names, use them, it shows respect.
Specializes in trauma, ortho, burns, plastic surgery.
Is ok honey! Why not! To much sensitivity wrong understanded, we can focus on real thinks that really counts not on "honey" "darling" sweetie" or others nick names!
I have to admit, I am from the South, born and raised, but I find it trully offensive when another person, who is not a close relative or friend, refers to me as "hon", "honey", "sweatheart", "sweetie" or any other form of endearment. I feel like it is an attempt to demean me as an adult woman. Many of the folks I work with and are friends with feel the same. This is doubly true when it comes from a subordinate or someone who is in a service position, ie server, waitstaff, bell person, etc...
I guess I have a different view, as everyone is in a "service position". The surgeon is in the service of operating on bodies; the pharmacist is serving the pt. by having the correct drugs sent up; the nurse gives treatments and meds, thus providing a service for the pt. The waitress is serving the patron; the cook staff is serving the patron.
I have been known to say, "Yes, dear" to a doctor automatically and I got a surprised smile and laugh, coz of course he knew my pts. for the night were all elderly who needed the tlc that comes with endearments.
I am a yankee who lives in the south and though "honey" is more previlant here I have found that even most of the nursing students that I attend college with don't appreciate being called honey and don't aprove of it being used in reference to a patient. I must confess, the first time a little 18 year old girl called me hon I thought I was going to blow a gasket! It just isn't appropriate where I come from to address an adult like that. I still think it is disrespectful, however, I have adjusted and I truely believe that I am probably called "hon" more than I know; it's just what people say here and it's become common to me.
Haloo everyone.This is quite interesting.In kenya where i was born and brought up,and now am a married woman,it is rare for someone you dont know to call u honey.A few refer to close girlfriends as sweety,but this is also quite odd.I cant remember the last time my hubby called me honey,so it will be out of place for any other person to call me so.I think it is my socialization,and i take offence if some one calls me so.
Maybe people who are from the South and use honey alot should have some cultural awareness that this is perceived as being condecending by those not familiar with this cultural tendency?
I'm not from the South and where I live it is rare to be called 'honey' by one's age peer or less. I find it grating, and when it's someone younger I think it's disrespectful. Where I live, honey and sweetie are reserved for those near and dear to us. Just an FYI to Southerners not familiar with other regional points of view. Try to be sensitive to other cultures and aware of how they perceive the world.
Well, here's an FYI from a southerner to those in other regions: down here we say honey, babe, boo, sweetie, and a host of other things, as expressions of respect and comraderie. I personally find it grating when people from "other cultures" in my country get offended by OUR (the south's) cultural terms of endearment.
This is such a pointless conversation, so I must ask: Is all that any of you who are bothered by these well-meant names has to worry about? If so, then I certainly want your secret to life. Truth be told, I've got a lot more important issues on my plate. To get my panties in a wad if someone calls me honey instead of Kim or Mrs. P_____ would be completely ridiculous.
This is such a pointless conversation, so I must ask: Is all that any of you who are bothered by these well-meant names has to worry about?
Well meant? Some cultural context is in order. How do you know the motivations behind this in regions other than your own? Why do you assume your experience in your area is the same as other's in other regions? Why do you so flippantly disrespect our feelings on this?
leslie :-D
11,191 Posts
while these syrupy endearments are offensive to many, using ma'am/sir, is equally as offensive (to many).
i have used ma'am/sir, my entire life.
and not to just the older generations.
my intent was nothing but respectful, but still...
i cannot change others perceptions of what a word means to them.
similarly, i find myself using "sweetie" quite often.
again, my intent is not to be condescending.
i feel genuine affection with those whom i use it.
and still...
some will still be offended.
and now, when i use "mr./mrs.", some STILL get offended, accusing me of not feeling comfortable enough to be on a first name basis.
the only thing that bothers me, is when a young guy addresses me as "young lady".
i'm friggin' 49.
and this guy i'm thinking of, is doogie howser's clone.
in summation, i'll take the "honey" or "sweetie", only if they mean it. :)
leslie