What do you think about people calling you "honey"?

[Hellllllo Nurse]

I am in my forties, but a lot of people (such as waitresses, sales clerks, cashiers) call me "honey" and "sweetheart" all the time. I think this is fine, when the person is older than me, but I get annoyed when someone who is young enough to be my daughter calls me "honey." Males never call me by these names (with the exception of my husband!)

Occasionally, a subordinate at work will call me "honey. " I tell them immediately not to refer to me that way. But when a waitress does it, I let it go. I'd like to ask them not to, however.

I have only rarely referred to anyone as "sweetheart," and when I have, it's been a child, or a pt in a very vulnerable, hurt state, who is seeking reassurance and protection.

What's your opinion on this?

[SICU Queen]

Well meant? Some cultural context is in order. How do you know the motivations behind this in regions other than your own? Why do you assume your experience in your area is the same as other's in other regions? Why do you so flippantly disrespect our feelings on this?

There was no flippant disrespect of anyone's feelings meant at all, on the contrary, I am truly baffled and am having a hard time understanding (but still trying!) how calling someone by an endearment can be so offensive! My opinions stem from my experiences here at home where people can comprehend that someone using such terms is only being friendly. I have done several travel assignments, and out of respect for other "cultures" DID make it a point not to use anything other than names or Ma'am or Sir while I was out and about, but even then got made fun of (in California) for being a redneck (which there's nothing wrong with being, mind you, but I am NOT one - I'm from New Orleans - BIG difference).

Eh, whatever... it's really not that big of a deal to me. Like I said, I've got more important issues to worry about and in addition have firsthand experience in the fact that there's lots worse I can be called. If it makes someone happy for me NOT to say "Hey hon, how's your day going?" then that works for me too. I guess my point is that there's a LOT more going on in nursing, and the world in general, to grump about other than someone calling you "honey", but hey... I'm just one of those inconsiderate, offensive N'Awlins Yats who says babe and honey... so perhaps I'm not the best judge...

(As to my presence in this thread, Helllllooooo Nurse, I'm in it because I CHOOSE to be. :trout: I have opinions about everything, even those conversations that I deem pointless.)

[SICU Queen]

This thread just intrigues the heck out of me... so answer a question for me, if you all will.

For those of you who are offended by "honey" and "babe", what would your response be if you came to New Orleans, where you can't go half a block without getting a "Hey babe, how ya doing?" (along with a big smile). It's a manner of greeting here... and is absolutely NOT meant in any offense.

Would you be offended? If so, why? You're in a culture where it's acceptable... and when people from this New Orleans culture travel (like myself), are they expected to give up their cultural traits so as not to offend? Do you expect this of people from ALL cultures?

If you wouldn't be offended, then what's the difference if someone calls you "honey" at home, if that's what they're used to doing and it's a cultural thing for them?

(Mind you, I'm NOT talking about smart mouth teens, or anyone else trying to be offensive...)

[FireStarterRN, BSN, RN]

Well, here's an FYI from a southerner to those in other regions: down here we say honey, babe, boo, sweetie, and a host of other things, as expressions of respect and comraderie. I personally find it grating when people from "other cultures" in my country get offended by OUR (the south's) cultural terms of endearment.

This is such a pointless conversation, so I must ask: Is all that any of you who are bothered by these well-meant names has to worry about? If so, then I certainly want your secret to life. Truth be told, I've got a lot more important issues on my plate. To get my panties in a wad if someone calls me honey instead of Kim or Mrs. P_____ would be completely ridiculous.

Find something worthy to grump about.

Whoa, harsh! Thanks for the sensitive response, it's nice to be heard!

[FireStarterRN, BSN, RN]

So why are you in it?

Good question...

I've noticed that some people like to go click on a thread and then spend time responding to it by saying "This is a ridiculous topic and a waste of time, why are we discussing this? I can't believe anyone would start a post as offensive and/or inane as this one"

I always wonder who was sticking a gun to that person's head forcing them to click on it, read it, and post on it.

[leslymill]

Honey, I can take, if it isn't flowing in sugar sweetness.

Hun

I don't like that much. I really just prefer MY NAME.

[AR_RN]

All this talk of culture and what's acceptable in some areas and not in others overlooks one question in my mind. What makes some people see "honey" as "an attempt to demean" them, versus those of us that see it as friendly? I've called any number of people honey and never had anyone get upset about it, but it's never in my life been intended as demeaning, minimizing, or anything else negative? Is it just a matter of cultural norms dictating our emotional responses, or is it a personal and individual tendency to see things in a certain light? Understand, I'm not responding to any one person here, so I hope no one takes offense. This is just a general thought.

[FireStarterRN, BSN, RN]

Honey, I can take, if it isn't flowing in sugar sweetness.

Hun

I don't like that much. I really just prefer MY NAME.

ya need to lighten up, sugarcakes, and I know ya'll don't mind a little pinch on your rear 'cause in my neck of the woods, that's just being friendly, hun...

[psalm, RN]

...well, we have to be aware that in some cultures it is acceptable to call a woman all kinds of offensive names. Because of these offensive names, "honey" isn't one of them, IMO. I have had one pt. tell me "I am NOT your honey"...and I apologised and told her I am so busy, I couldn't remember if her name was Smith or Jones, and I wanted to address her somehow ( I was doing an IV check, not a med, which would require her name in the 5 rights). That smoothed things out.

Endearments I have used: honey, sweetie, love, dear, darlin', Miz _____, precious....such as, "how's that , love?" after repositioning.

So again, it is all about intentions.

[SICU Queen]

Good question...

I've noticed that some people like to go click on a thread and then spend time responding to it by saying "This is a ridiculous topic and a waste of time, why are we discussing this? I can't believe anyone would start a post as offensive and/or inane as this one"

I always wonder who was sticking a gun to that person's head forcing them to click on it, read it, and post on it.

There's this little elf that resides in my house called GROUCHO. He sat on my bed late last night and forced me to think unfriendly thoughts and to type ugly sounding posts. :uhoh21:

Seriously folks... I am sorry... I do still have my opinion that there's nothing wrong with a well-intentioned "sweetie" but I certainly could've communicated it better!!!

[Hellllllo Nurse, BSN, RN]

This thread just intrigues the heck out of me... so answer a question for me, if you all will.

For those of you who are offended by "honey" and "babe", what would your response be if you came to New Orleans, where you can't go half a block without getting a "Hey babe, how ya doing?" (along with a big smile). It's a manner of greeting here... and is absolutely NOT meant in any offense.

Would you be offended? If so, why? You're in a culture where it's acceptable... and when people from this New Orleans culture travel (like myself), are they expected to give up their cultural traits so as not to offend? Do you expect this of people from ALL cultures?

If you wouldn't be offended, then what's the difference if someone calls you "honey" at home, if that's what they're used to doing and it's a cultural thing for them?

(Mind you, I'm NOT talking about smart mouth teens, or anyone else trying to be offensive...)

I have spent some time in New Orleans. Ironically, my husband just flew in from NOLA @ 1130 today.

No teenage store clerks called me honey there. Everyone was very polite and considerate. They all called me "Ma'am."

As I said in an earlier post- pts, and people older than me are welcome to call me honey. Same goes for my peers at work.

It is offensive, however, when a teen-age grocery store bagger says "You want these in your trunk, hun?"

In the field I'm in (hemodialysis) there is a industry wide problem with technicians being insubordinate with their nurse supervisors. There is no way I will allow a tech (or a doc for that matter) to call me hun.

When someone whom I do not know and who is younger than me calls me hun, it feels condescening; it's a verbal pat on the head.

[bigsyis]

Forget the Ma'am or honey debate, as far as I'm concerned. I just really don't get what is so doggoned offensive about it.

What grates on me is when my husband and I are greeted in restaurants by people of any age as "you guys." That immediately makes me wwant to start fussing, and generally means less of a tip. If I was up North where I understand that is as common as "you all" here in the South, that would be one thing. But to be greeted as though we are two men out together really grinds my grits!

[luquacious]

So why are you in it?

I agree!!!!