What do you think about egg donation?

[sherichance]

Just recently I have been considering egg donation. I feel like I want to help out all these other women who cannot have children. Do you know someone or have you yourself donated eggs? I really need some opinions on this before I even think of starting this process. You comments are appreciated. Sheri

[ZASHAGALKA, RN]

I believe that some of the grief you received was for your statement that a woman would choose egg donation as a means of controlling the who the biological father is. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

Egg donation, for a woman, is surgery requiring conscious sedation and a personal commitment to see the process through. It involves aspirating the eggs with a needle through the lady partsl wall

If a woman really wants control of who the bio-father is, all she needs to do is look up the necessary qualifications at a cryo-bank. Sperm donation is a far easier, far less expensive and poses no risk of surgery. That's assuming the woman is making a choice to be a single parent or needs donated sperm.

Let me clarify without trying to incense you:

What I meant was that if a woman couldn't have a bio child due to an egg problem, egg donation would be a method of allowing her husband to be the bio-dad. I said I thought it was somewhat selfish for that father part of a couple to insist that he be the bio-dad when his wife couldn't be.

I wasn't talking about controlling the bio dad form the donor's point of view - but the donee's or more directly, the donee's husband.

I would think that requiring a method of reproduction that lets the dad part of a couple be the bio-dad but not the mom part (cause it's not her egg) isn't very supporting. I said that it was selfish. And I could envision that destroying relationships.

~faith,

Timothy.

[Q.]

Off topic, but those embryos would be destroyed in the process and not available for donation.

The only embryos available for donation/adoption are those created through the process of in-vitro fertilization.

Didn't realize that. For some reason I thought that in the case where I was pregnant with say, oh, EIGHT embryos, I would be able to reduce down to say two with the remaining 6 donated.

Yes, SR is a whole nother topic, though.

[mstigerlily]

I would think that requiring a method of reproduction that lets the dad part of a couple be the bio-dad but not the mom part (cause it's not her egg) isn't very supporting. I said that it was selfish. And I could envision that destroying relationships.

Isn't that the way it is in most same-sex couples who have kids? One of them is generally the genetic parent, the other not. If they really wanted to be fair I suppose one lesbian partner would give birth once, the other the next, or each gay man use his sperm once, the other the next. That way they'd each have a genetic child.

Also, in stepparent situations, the child is genetically one parents, the other not.

[Q.]

What I meant was that if a woman couldn't have a bio child due to an egg problem, egg donation would be a method of allowing her husband to be the bio-dad. I said I thought it was somewhat selfish for that father part of a couple to insist that he be the bio-dad when his wife couldn't be.

I guess I could see how that could be percieved as selfish on the part of the dad, but say in the case of us, if biological children were important, wouldn't it be kind of a natural progression to have at least one person from the marriage bio parent the child? Not that we personally could do it, because it needs to come from BOTH of us and not one...

[ZASHAGALKA, RN]

Isn't that the way it is in most same-sex couples who have kids? One of them is generally the genetic parent, the other not. If they really wanted to be fair I suppose one lesbian partner would give birth once, the other the next, or each gay man use his sperm once, the other the next. That way they'd each have a genetic child.

Also, in stepparent situations, the child is genetically one parents, the other not.

These are both apple and oranges situations.

In both the cases you cite, there is an impossibility to have kids in a desired dual-bio-input mode: same sex couples can't do that. And if you have step children, theoretically, it's impossible to retrograde reverse their genes. Both of these types of relationships come to the table w/ the understanding that dual-bio input is not possible (in the case of the step children, at least in regards to children that already exist). You don't consider heroic measures for something that you know can't be done, no matter the effort.

Trying to conceive is a different story altogether. And I would think, no matter my desire to be a bio-dad, I couldn't do that if it meant my spouse couldn't. I would opt for other measures.

~faith,

Timothy.

[JUSTYSMOM]

I would think that requiring a method of reproduction that lets the dad part of a couple be the bio-dad but not the mom part (cause it's not her egg) isn't very supporting. I said that it was selfish. And I could envision that destroying relationships.

~faith,

Timothy.

You need to understand something thing. In the infertility world, there is no room for selfishness. Egg donation allows a woman an opportunity to experience her own pregnancy. She is the birth mom. SHE has control of prenatal care.

There are plenty of people who can't afford adoption. Having the opportunity to achieve a pregnancy with a 70% success rate is very appealing. In addition, some people would never tell anyone that their pregnancy was a result of egg donation.

[Q.]

You need to understand something thing. In the infertility world, there is no room for selfishness. Egg donation allows a woman an opportunity to experience her own pregnancy. She is the birth mom. SHE has control of prenatal care.

She is the birth mom but the father is also involved to. Even though the father isn't physically going through the pregnancy, he IS going through his own stage of attachment, preparation, etc. Fathers worry about prenatal care as much as women; sometimes moreso.

In other words though, I can see Timothy's point.

[fergus51]

I think a couple is capable of deciding for themselves if dad being the biological parent will be detrimental to their relationship or not. Personally, I couldn't care less if I had to use egg donation and my partner's sperm rather than have neither of us be the biological parent because it isn't biology that makes a parent IMO.

[SmilingBluEyes]

I think a couple is capable of deciding for themselves if dad being the biological parent will be detrimental to their relationship or not. Personally, I couldn't care less if I had to use egg donation and my partner's sperm rather than have neither of us be the biological parent because it isn't biology that makes a parent IMO.

Obviously, or else adoption would never work. Great post, fergus.