What do you think about egg donation?

JUSTYSMOM · Nov 9, 2005

Just recently I have been considering egg donation. I feel like I want to help out all these other women who cannot have children. Do you know someone or have you yourself donated eggs? I really need some opinions on this before I even think of starting this process. You comments are appreciated. Sheri

Do it! It is a beautiful and unselfish way to help an infertile couple in need. :)

palesarah · Nov 9, 2005

I have a friend who went through the process for a relative, I think it was when she was in college. She only did it once and the eggs didn't take , but she was glad to do it.

At my last job, I once took care of a patient who had recieved eggs donated by her own sister (her own ovaries failed in her early 20s) and delivered twin boys. It was such an empowering and joyful experience for her to carry and deliver those babies. I remember immediately after delivery, she was holding one of the boys and staring at him, and said to him "oh! you have your aunties eyes!" She was so happy! I've never forgotten that moment, and I bet she hasn't either.

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Nov 9, 2005

There are so many already fertilized eggs out there sitting in cold storage that could be used by someone that wants to get pregnant.
Egg donation isn't about bringing new babies into the world - it's about controlling who is the dad.
I'm not a woman, but donating an egg is an invasive procedure - I don't think it would be worth it unless it was for a close family member.
Couples that truly want to get pregnant can do so without egg donations - and I personally think that is the better route. If the woman of that couple can't provide the egg, then allowing the male the opportunity to do so is somewhat selfish if you ask me. And to ask someone to have a surgical procedure just to be able to claim that a child is 'biologically' mine - well that's very selfish.
(Mind you, I have 'biological' children AND an adopted child. From my standpoint, I can't tell a difference in either the amount of love I put into the process, or the amount of work.)
~faith,
Timothy.

Words do not express how angry i was when i read this.:angryfire

ZASHAGALKA, RN · Nov 9, 2005

I can't begin to tell you how incensed I am over your post. :angryfire

Why would you be incensed that someone has a different opinion from yours?

There are altruistic ways to help people - but as has been pointed out, donated eggs are often more about selfish reasons as regards to the donor. I just pointed out what I thought were selfish reasons as regards to the donee.

But it was just my opinion.

~faith,

Timothy.

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Nov 9, 2005

Why would you be incensed that someone has a different opinion from yours?

'Till you walk a mile...

ZASHAGALKA, RN · Nov 9, 2005

'Till you walk a mile...

I disagree.

I can have a moral/ethical opinion about a topic without being in that quandary.

~faith,

Timothy.

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Nov 9, 2005

I disagree.
I can have a moral/ethical opinion about a topic without being in that quandary.
~faith,
Timothy.

Nevermind, it's not even worth it.

austin heart, BSN, RN · Nov 9, 2005

This is the same thing people have said to me again and again because I'm adopted. What if you marry your brother? The odds of that happening are slim to none (I actually know my bio family anyways). Really, I think that idea is a little naive because it assumes that people raised by their natural parents don't have any unknown siblings or other relatives out there. I have worked OB long enough to know that a lot of dads aren't really the dads and a lot of moms are having babies by the same dad without even knowing it. These aren't the type of people that you would picture on Jerry Springer either.

Well I guess that I have a piece of family that falls in to that slim to none category. My great aunt who is now deceased had a daughter when she was 17 by a man that was already married. So she decided to give the baby up for adoption so that baby could have what she thought was a better life. Fast forward 62 years and my aunt decides that she wants to find her child. Well she was found and agreed to talk to my aunt via telephone as they where living in different cities. During the telephone conversation the daughter naturally asked who her bio father was and if he was still alive. Well when my aunt told her his name and where he was from and a little more about him she dropped the phone. When she was able to compose herself again she informed my aunt that this man was also her husband's father and that he had been dead now for 4 years. She and here husband have 2 children together and thankfully all is well with them. The whole thing is quite freakish actually. She and her husband/brother grew up in 2 different cities in the same state and then met and fell in love in college.

After this conversation she had very little else to do with my aunt. I think that she spoke to her one or two more times before my aunt died. I think that it was just too hard for her. None of my other family members have ever met her but my mother did speak to her on the telephone once after my aunts death. I do not know how she handled the situation with her husband or if they told their children. I can only imagine how hard it was for the both of them to find this out after 40 years of marriage and having two grown children together.

live4today, RN · Nov 9, 2005

Just recently I have been considering egg donation. I feel like I want to help out all these other women who cannot have children. Do you know someone or have you yourself donated eggs? I really need some opinions on this before I even think of starting this process. You comments are appreciated. Sheri

I do not know anyone who has donated their eggs. As for myself? I would NOT donate my eggs to strangers. I would only donate an egg for a blood relative (sister, brother's wife, aunt, cousin, mother).

There are many many many children in the world who are dying to have a home with a mommy and a daddy. Those who cannot personally give birth through the "physical route" are on earth for those children who lost their parents through the "physical route" through no fault of their own. I had three children of my own, and still wanted to adopt other children. Neither one of my exes would settle for adopted children though. Now that I am single, I am thinking about taking in two older children.

There are MANY ways to become a "mommy or a daddy". Reproducing oneself may make one a biological parent, but in no way makes one a "real mommy" or a "real daddy". Symantecs??? possibly. But, I think a person either has it in them to be a parent or they don't. It's inborn...it doesn't just happen by giving birth as is evidenced by all the children in orphanages, foster homes, etc.

Just my :twocents: :specs:

ZASHAGALKA, RN · Nov 9, 2005

Nevermind, it's not even worth it.

:kiss

We find our way into lots of threads together. You may not always agree with me, but we obviously have the same interests.

And even if you don't always agree w/ me, I like you anyway.

Smile.

~faith,

Timothy.

fergus51 · Nov 9, 2005

Well I guess that I have a piece of family that falls in to that slim to none category. My great aunt who is now deceased had a daughter when she was 17 by a man that was already married. So she decided to give the baby up for adoption so that baby could have what she thought was a better life. Fast forward 62 years and my aunt decides that she wants to find her child. Well she was found and agreed to talk to my aunt via telephone as they where living in different cities. During the telephone conversation the daughter naturally asked who her bio father was and if he was still alive. Well when my aunt told her his name and where he was from and a little more about him she dropped the phone. When she was able to compose herself again she informed my aunt that this man was also her husband's father and that he had been dead now for 4 years. She and here husband have 2 children together and thankfully all is well with them. The whole thing is quite freakish actually. She and her husband/brother grew up in 2 different cities in the same state and then met and fell in love in college.
After this conversation she had very little else to do with my aunt. I think that she spoke to her one or two more times before my aunt died. I think that it was just too hard for her. None of my other family members have ever met her but my mother did speak to her on the telephone once after my aunts death. I do not know how she handled the situation with her husband or if they told their children. I can only imagine how hard it was for the both of them to find this out after 40 years of marriage and having two grown children together.

I think this is the big difference between really older adoptions and the more modern ones. Nowadays, even with closed adoptions, people know much more about their biological family. Even before meeting my bio parents I knew their ethnic background, how many siblings they had, their religious background, where they were from, a little about their grandparents, their ages, etc. You would be able to put two and two together pretty easily if I started dating a guy whose family sounded so similar. My bio brother is 13 years younger than me, so I doubt we ever would have dated anyways though.

Bipley · Nov 9, 2005

I won't do it (if i even can). I'd wind up constantly wondering whatever happened to them.

Hear hear!

Much as I'd love to call you selfish and mean, I just can't. I agree 100% with you.

I was in the position of donating and I was talked into it without thinking. The night before the procedure (and $10K later) I changed my mind. I realized the manipulation (it was my psychiatrist b/f for his sis and brother in law) and knew I just couldn't do it.

I was also willing to become a surrogate. Changed my mind then too.

I'm not cut out to donate genes. I could have done the surrogacy under different circumstances but donating eggs is a whole different world once you are in that position.

It's just not something you can't explain, you have to experience it instead.