What do you think about egg donation?

Nurses General Nursing

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Just recently I have been considering egg donation. I feel like I want to help out all these other women who cannot have children. Do you know someone or have you yourself donated eggs? I really need some opinions on this before I even think of starting this process. You comments are appreciated. Sheri

Some people just don't feel that same "gene connection". I have never felt that is what made someone family, so egg donation or sperm donation doesn't bother me in the least.

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If egg donation is done truly compassionately, with no consideration of monetary exchange, it is a wonderful thing. Far too many young women are considering donation because they think that they can get a $25,000.00 payday for a few month's work. Far too many people are considering paying that much for donations because they can. These donations cost about the same cost as an international adoption.

It's more like $2,000 (and that was 10 years ago) and it hurts like the dickens!

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
Egg donation is not about controlling the bio-father. It is about pregnancy and childbirth, then raising this child or children.

I have gone thru the entire infertility gamut trying to start a family, including receiving 'donated' eggs. It almost worked, too. I miscarried twins at 10 weeks. That was my last experience with the infertility professionals.

I have two adopted children. I will never know what it is like to give birth, and when my husband and I tell our daughters how they came to be ours, we must do so without making them feel as if they were a second choice. If you give birth to a child, you will never have to consider that.

I wish there were more embryos available for true donation. I would do so in a heartbeat. I know that my closest friend and her husband would make great parents, but they cannot afford the high cost of donation.

If egg donation is done truly compassionately, with no consideration of monetary exchange, it is a wonderful thing. Far too many young women are considering donation because they think that they can get a $25,000.00 payday for a few month's work. Far too many people are considering paying that much for donations because they can. These donations cost about the same cost as an international adoption.

BEAUTIFULLY stated. And I thank you for being a loving adoptive parent. I am glad this worked out for you.

To those who would judge others for this, remember: ANYone who has suffered infertility or loss can appreciate what you are saying here. I appreciate your post so much. I really, really resent anyone saying "just adopt", as if there is no heartache possible there. As if it's so much easier than the IVF route is. I know several people whose adoptions fell through or were disasters due to laws that are not helpful or favorable for would-be adoptive parents in our country. Not everyone can travel overseas to adopt, either.

One of them (who had an adoption heartache), is a cousin who lost a baby after taking her home----the so-called "dad" (in jail) decided to change his mind, even though the birthmother had developed a relationship w/my cousin and was very set in her decision. Long story---I would never want to go through that myself---what a nightmare.

But you are right; it needs to be done sensitively and compassionately---not just seen as a quick "paycheck" for the donating woman. Many do this out of a geniune desire to help others-----but you are right---some think $$$$ when they consider this. Either way, there is likely an anxious and eager couple whose options are quickly being exhausted who are considering such a desperate measure as egg donation/reception as their IVF option. People who have genetic problems---people who can't seem to carry a pregnancy to term-----people over 40 whose eggs are no longer very viable. The reasons are many. Not all people considering this are selfish, self-centered jerks, either.

Unless you have been in the shoes of someone who would desire to be on the receiving end of egg donation, it would be nice to suspend judgement a bit---you never know how it can be for some people---the pain they have sustained in order to parent. May you NEVER know.

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It's more like $2,000 (and that was 10 years ago) and it hurts like the dickens!

That is the reality of what egg 'donation' pays. We paid our 'donor' $3,000.00 and expenses, in 2002.

Yes, it does hurt like sin, too. Having been through two unsuccessful IVF cycles, even subsequent overstimulation respiratory complications, it's painful and can be life threatening. After our donated cycle failed, my DH and I no longer wanted to continue to waste emotion, resources and precious time chasing after something that may never happen for us. BTW, no diagnosis was ever given for why I has so many SAB. "Just bad luck" is all my doctor would say, when I could actually get her on the phone. She also charged me for those phone calls.

This "infertilty" thing is big business in states where insurance coverage is mandated or provided -- as it is in Illinois. My DH and I feel that we wasted thousands of dollars and months of time being propped up by a doctor who is in this for the money, good hours, low malpractice rates and high prestige associated with reproductive endocrinology medicine. We went through every test imaginable, from the most basic (ultrasounds and FSH levels) to the absurb (bull sperm tests).

Yet, there are some websites out there for 'exceptional' donors who demand a year's salary for their genetic 'exceptional-ness' and desperate couples who are willing to pay for it. Egg donation / surrogacy agencies are popping up like mushrooms.

I think this is a completely inappropriate use of resources and it destroys the dignity and spirit of what egg donation was meant to be. Some women are moved by the desire to help another couple experience a pregnancy and childbirth and do so out of compassion. Others see it as a way to pay some bills. Some feel they could do it, some do not.

To the OP: Whatever choice you are considering, or are confronted with, your response should always be based on a thorough understanding of the procedure, ie, the drugs used, the procedures before and after, the prep time and after-effects. Why do you want to donate? Are you prepared to face your decision 10 years from now and wonder if you have a genetic child somewhere? Maybe embryos in a lab somewhere? Will you still feel good about your decision in 10, 20, 30 years? What if the person wants to meet you? Most donations are anonymous, but for those that aren't, or become breached, what are your feelings about that?

Infertility in itself is a complex issue - for both the donor and the intended parents - and requires a lot of thought and maturity to make an informed decision.

I couldn't love my daughters more than if I had given birth to them, but ours was a long and rocky journey to find them.

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BEAUTIFULLY stated. And I thank you for being a loving adoptive parent. I am glad this worked out for you.

To those who would judge others for this, remember: ANYone who has suffered infertility or loss can appreciate what you are saying here.

Unless you have been in the shoes of someone who would desire to be on the receiving end of egg donation, it would be nice to suspend judgement a bit---you never know how it can be for some people---the pain they have sustained in order to parent. May you NEVER know.

I couldn't agree more. Your post expressed exactly how I feel.

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I would never do it, with one exception:

My best friend for over 30 years would have been unable to have a child any other way, and since she is closer to me than my own sister, I had always told her that I would surrogate for her or donate eggs for her (I'm fertile Myrtle). She and her husband chose not to pursue parenthood, and he was killed in an automobile accident last year.

But for a stranger...no, not for me. Would not, could not.

I personally have some issues with it but I will not judge those who reserve it as an option.

But I do have to add, there are so many children out there needing adoption!

I would gladly adopt if my situation permitted.

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Specializes in LDRP; Education.

I wouldn't do it.

We went through the whole infertility process and wound up with twins ourselves, but the topic of egg donation came up and my husband and I decided against it. Part of our desire to be parents is also to carry on our own genes. Call it overly simplistic or neanderthal-ish, but that is our desire. Biological children were important to us.

In the reverse, if we got pregnant with grand multiples and needed to selectively reduce, we also would not donate the unwanted embryos.

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In the reverse, if we got pregnant with grand multiples and needed to selectively reduce, we also would not donate the unwanted embryos.

Now there's an inflammatory topic....selective reduction!!!!

I have very strong beliefs but will refrain....

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Now there's an inflammatory topic....selective reduction!!!!

I have very strong beliefs but will refrain....

:chuckle Maybe someone should start a thread on that topic:chuckle

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Specializes in Critical Care.
Now there's an inflammatory topic....selective reduction!!!!

I have very strong beliefs but will refrain....

And see, I got grief before and I only stated a distaste for this whole line of ethics. I didn't go into any detail.

If selective reduction is a topic for another thread, you can rest assured that thread would be closed very quickly.

I'm sure there are strong opinions on both sides, and I'm sure they touch on strong emotions.

~faith,

Timothy.

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I wouldn't do it.

We went through the whole infertility process and wound up with twins ourselves, but the topic of egg donation came up and my husband and I decided against it. Part of our desire to be parents is also to carry on our own genes. Call it overly simplistic or neanderthal-ish, but that is our desire. Biological children were important to us.

In the reverse, if we got pregnant with grand multiples and needed to selectively reduce, we also would not donate the unwanted embryos.

That infertility thing is a real PITA, isn't it? Congrats on your twins; you're one of the lucky ones infertilty treatment worked for!

Off topic, but those embryos would be destroyed in the process and not available for donation.

The only embryos available for donation/adoption are those created through the process of in-vitro fertilization.

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And see, I got grief before and I only stated a distaste for this whole line of ethics. I didn't go into any detail.

If selective reduction is a topic for another thread, you can rest assured that thread would be closed very quickly.

I'm sure there are strong opinions on both sides, and I'm sure they touch on strong emotions.

~faith,

Timothy.

I believe that some of the grief you received was for your statement that a woman would choose egg donation as a means of controlling the who the biological father is. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

Egg donation, for a woman, is surgery requiring conscious sedation and a personal commitment to see the process through. It involves aspirating the eggs with a needle through the lady partsl wall :eek:

If a woman really wants control of who the bio-father is, all she needs to do is look up the necessary qualifications at a cryo-bank. Sperm donation is a far easier, far less expensive and poses no risk of surgery. That's assuming the woman is making a choice to be a single parent or needs donated sperm.

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