What you'd REALLY like to say....

[ICor9:24]

Ok, so I know I can't be the only one who dreams about just for ONCE saying what's really going through her mind! I love my job, and I do it for the love of my residents, and I always give 100% to make sure they are safe, happy, and cared for. However, I am also extremely sarcastic by nature - and sometimes, well lots of times, I think one thing - but of course say and act completely polite and professional!

Let's see what we all are really thinking in those times of complete stress and chaos we all know too well! I'll start....

To the A&Ax3 perfectly coherent pt who is mean and obnoxious and thinks that he is at the Ritz not a nursing home, and thinks every CNA is his personal assistant / slave::angryfire

DO NOT under any circumstances hit your call light for me to come and pick up your breakfast/lunch/dinner tray - the NANOsecond you finish eating!!!! REALLY! You KNOW that at some point during the 20 other times you call me in there, that I will pick it up on my way out!!!! This drives me absolutely up the wall. Same goes for your urinal (with all 5 cc's of output)!

Stop calling the poor confused residents filthy names. Just because you choose to sit in the hallway all day long doesn't make you the hall monitor! Just because they aimlessly walk or wheel around doesn't mean they are stupid. They are confused. Telling them to get the hell away from you and go back to where "they belong" is nasty and uncalled for. I sometimes secretly hope you will become exactly like them. Soon.

When you ask for an appointment at the barbershop at 8:50 am and they don't open until 9 am, don't hit your call button at 8:55 and ask if I got you a 9 am appointment! I know this may come as a shock to you - but you are not the center of the universe!! You will probably get scheduled sometime later that day, or - GASP - maybe even the next day!

To those wonderful family members we all love so much:

Just because you have an internet connection and access to WebMD, doesn't make you a medical professional. Why the Docs and DON's entertain your completely idiotic and unfounded requests - I will never know. Do you know how hard it is to keep residents properly hydrated? Yet you insist your loved one is over hydrated, and insist he only have one glass of water at every meal. AND you come in during meals and pull a bottle of sea salt out of your purse and dump handfuls onto his food. Hmmmm. OK!

You haven't been to visit grandma in over a year. Grandma is completely contracted, hoyer lift, check and change, with aphasia. When you come and tell me that she told you she has to go to the bathroom and you want me to "take her to the restroom", I am not sure whether I want to giggle or slap you.

...

Keep em coming! Just some healthy venting! Thanks a ton!

[squeakykitty]

YES. Many of my coworkers, when asked to help with a 2 person transfer will say "just do it by yourself, I do all the time". Yeah, it's really safe to lift a 200 pound man by yourself.

Mine would just say "I don't have time" or "Ask someone else".

[NM nurse to be]

To the old guy who got mad at me for not 'letting' him go to the bathroom (he doesn't remember he can't stand) and told me he was just going to p!ss on my shoe... Well I did tell him have at it, it'll wash out :) That stopped him cold. That day anyway, he doesn't remember much for long but it was fun to say that!

[fuzzywuzzy, CNA]

I felt like saying "shut up, this is not a singles bar" yesterday when one of the residents kept loudly announcing that her roommate's visitor kept looking at me every time I walked by, and don't I look cute, etc etc. She enjoys embarrassing people!

[BroadwayRN, ASN, RN]

I can't say what I'd really like to say, I think it's more appropriate to remain politically correct. I will say that I want to ask those who call Medicaid their insurance how much their premiums are?

[Serendipity, PCT]

I love your diplay name (BroadwayRN). Nice to know there are "artsy people" in the medical field!

[BroadwayRN, ASN, RN]

Thank you, I love Broadway, I live near NYC. I had aspirations of Broadway then decided I might better serve myself by getting an education. I love nursing but I'm still auditioning now and again.

[systoly]

Worked short on 11-7, humped all night, finally a minute to sit down at the desk just before it's time for 7-3 to come in. As sure as the sun rises, a family member walks in and goes,"Look at you all. It must be nice to have such a leisurely job." I'd love to say, "It sure is, and while you're walking down the hall would you thank the residents for us for keeping themselves cleaned, turned and comfortable all night"

[One Flew Over]

I love nursing but I'm still auditioning now and again.

Being surrounded by dementia patients all day, I feel like I've already landed the part.

on Monty Python's Flying Circus! :heartbeat

[fuzzywuzzy, CNA]

Just once I would like to say to people when they complain and ask why they're not in bed yet- "because, LUCKY YOU, the cna you have tonight is stupid! And I have my own residents to take care of, so all I can do right now is hang something shiny in your doorway to try and lure her in."

[asun21ta]

To the 300lb resident who yelled "Can't you push this wheel chair any faster? I need to be changed now!" (mind you I was 5 months pregnant!)

I wanted to say: You try pushing you! You are twice my size. Your wheel chair is twice my size. What makes you think my pregnant @-- can push you twice as fast?

To the same woman who got angry when I told her I needed help transferring her to bed. (because she would not help) She said to me the man who works 11-7 did it with no problem and she saw me help her roommate without problems.

I wanted to say: Do I look like a man with this pregnant belly? It's not like you weigh 100 lbs or something. I think you need a reality check on how big you are. Your huge! Your roommate is all but 110 lbs. So no, I can't toss you around like I do her!

[squeakykitty]

To the laundry workers------

Just how hard is it to get the residents clothes into the right closets? The clothes are marked with their names, the drawers and closets are marked with their names, so how is it you keep getting the residents clothes mixed up? And besides, some of the residents don't have that many clothes to begin with, and they don't really need to have anything get lost.

[systoly]

To the nurse who passes by the active call light, and walks all the way to the other end of the hall to tell the CNA that the call light is on: "I'm sorry, I forgot to turn off the call light. The resident wants to see you."