Ok, so I know I can't be the only one who dreams about just for ONCE saying what's really going through her mind! I love my job, and I do it for the love of my residents, and I always give 100% to make sure they are safe, happy, and cared for. However, I am also extremely sarcastic by nature - and sometimes, well lots of times, I think one thing - but of course say and act completely polite and professional!
Let's see what we all are really thinking in those times of complete stress and chaos we all know too well! I'll start....
To the A&Ax3 perfectly coherent pt who is mean and obnoxious and thinks that he is at the Ritz not a nursing home, and thinks every CNA is his personal assistant / slave::angryfire
DO NOT under any circumstances hit your call light for me to come and pick up your breakfast/lunch/dinner tray - the NANOsecond you finish eating!!!! REALLY! You KNOW that at some point during the 20 other times you call me in there, that I will pick it up on my way out!!!! This drives me absolutely up the wall. Same goes for your urinal (with all 5 cc's of output)!
Stop calling the poor confused residents filthy names. Just because you choose to sit in the hallway all day long doesn't make you the hall monitor! Just because they aimlessly walk or wheel around doesn't mean they are stupid. They are confused. Telling them to get the hell away from you and go back to where "they belong" is nasty and uncalled for. I sometimes secretly hope you will become exactly like them. Soon.
When you ask for an appointment at the barbershop at 8:50 am and they don't open until 9 am, don't hit your call button at 8:55 and ask if I got you a 9 am appointment! I know this may come as a shock to you - but you are not the center of the universe!! You will probably get scheduled sometime later that day, or - GASP - maybe even the next day!
To those wonderful family members we all love so much:
Just because you have an internet connection and access to WebMD, doesn't make you a medical professional. Why the Docs and DON's entertain your completely idiotic and unfounded requests - I will never know. Do you know how hard it is to keep residents properly hydrated? Yet you insist your loved one is over hydrated, and insist he only have one glass of water at every meal. AND you come in during meals and pull a bottle of sea salt out of your purse and dump handfuls onto his food. Hmmmm. OK!
You haven't been to visit grandma in over a year. Grandma is completely contracted, hoyer lift, check and change, with aphasia. When you come and tell me that she told you she has to go to the bathroom and you want me to "take her to the restroom", I am not sure whether I want to giggle or slap you.
...
Keep em coming! Just some healthy venting! Thanks a ton!
I may not have the power to fire you, but you can bet your ass I'll be calling child protective services to investigate your three little ones. If you're this awful at work, I can't imagine how you are at home, and it just kills me to know you've got small children depending on you. You don't deserve to be a mama or to work around our residents.
To the CNAs who get riled up because I actually go on my Lunch Break. I am not being lazy. I asked you to take your break while I watched your residents and you said you have no time so that is your own fault. And quit telling people I am being LAZY when I am on my Lunchbreak.
Yes, I know I am good with IV's, but quit freaking leaving me ALL the daggone IV sticks. I stayed over 45 minutes getting an IV on the noncompliant diabetic with crappy veins who was going to the cath lab. And 20 minutes before your shift was over you come in and tell me I have 2 IV's to start on difficult sticks!! The freaking PICC team is there from 8-5, and they can also do U/S guided IV inserts. I won't be able to get a Resident to place an EJ or even and IO unless the pt codes after hours. Thanks for helping out the team. Maybe if I'm lucky I can get an order to place an IV in the breast, because I can't go in the foot on Room xxx, the pt's diabetic neuropathy rules that out.
Instead, I told you to have someone to try to start at least one of the IV, because I am still in report and your shift doesn't end for 20 minutes.
Dear Patient who calls and asks for something (ice chips, water, jello, ect) then when I bring the requested item asks for something new (crackers, ice cream, a warm blanket) then when I ask, ''Is there anything else I can get you?" reply no, but sure as sh*t when I bring the second item in ask for yet another something:
WRITE A DAMN LIST!!!!!!!!! I don't have the freaking time to go back and forth down the unit. Also, *** are you doing asking for 10 warm blankets but refuse to let me turn up the heat? That crap is expensive and really annoying.
And, don't ask me to: help you drink water, move your legs to get comfortable, adjust the head of your bed or your freaking pillows because you "just can't" when not 5 minutes ago you were setting off the bed alarm trying to get out of bed to fiddle with God only knows what in your room. DON't BE LAZY!!!!!!!
Dear Family member who stands in the hallway and accosts every employee who walks by for some stupid thing that isn't as important as the patient who just crapped themselves or is crawling out of bed and likely to fall,
USE THE DAMN CALL LIGHT. And don't tell me when I ask you to use the call light "but it takes longer"
DUH! A box of tissues will always be low on my to do list that started before I even got to work. Also, don't bi*&h about us not having time for your family member to:clip their nails, give them a back massage (***** ARE YOU SERIOUS?) fix their hair, or give them their every whim. This is a hospital, there is no room service, valets or fancy ****, we are here to help your family member with their medical needs; why don't you find the time to help with your family member?
Dear Patient who asks me to wipe your @ss,
*** are you going to do at home? Does your 7 lb dog wipe your butt? Oh, it doesn't? Guess what? If you can dig around in there, stand up on your own and pull up your own pants, your going to wipe your butt too.
Dear Day shift RN who interupts the cna report off to ask us to go relieve the nurse who is helping a patient to the bathroom & you need to give report.
*** do you think we are doing? So it's ok for us to go into a room blind and hope that this patient isn't going to be combative, a stroke w/weakness, dizzy, confused or heavy and fall on us, but you, who have had them all day, are just to busy?
Dear RN who asks for me to help transfer a patient because they are a 2 person max assist;
It's amazing that CNAs can get a 2person max up on their own and change that patients bed, but you can't, why do I do this for 15$/hr?
Dear DR.....
I bet I know your patient better than you do. END OF STORY.
"What time is it?" "It's 6:30 in the morning. You want to get up and dressed?"
"NO!!! I GET UP AT 7!!"
ten minutes later
(i get there a few minutes after it starts cause I was busy)
"What can I help you with?" "What time is it now?"
"It's 6:45. You wanna get an early start?" "NO!! I GET UP RIGHT AT 7!!"
5 minutes later
"Something I can help you with?" "What time is it now?"
"Its ten till seven. You want to get up now?"
"NO. ITS NOT 7 YET AND I DONT GET UP BEFORE THEN."
"Well I have to finish my paperwork, the next shift is due in any minute, but they are always ten minutes late. They should get to you about 7:30. Have a good day. See you tomorrow."
She mumbled something about getting up in ten minutes (She independent just wants attention).
Went to do my charting. 10 minutes later.
Looked at the day nurse, "I think she wants to get up. Let your aide know if you see her first." Stuck my head back in the book to chart.
Fellow aide came out of an adjacent room and heard this and was dying laughing cause all this 'what time is it' crap started about 4am. I just took over cause she was tired of answering it, and she had people she actually had to get up.
To the 300lb 2 person transfer with broken ribs and pelvis....PEE IN YOUR DAMNED BRIEF IF YOU DON'T WANT BE TRANSFERED!
Thats when you list all the options for them. Pee in brief, or transfer. Pick!
(edit to add) OR, option 3. Get a cath, go in and say you need to check to see if it is going to be the right size. Then mention this will be your first one you've ever done since the nurse is busy right now. And since there's no order for a cath, it'll be a straight cath so every time they gotta potty, they get 'stuck'. lol Strategic bluff.
I guess I get a bit of leeway in the fact that I work in rehab so I have the backing of PT/OT and my ADON in making people do stuff.
When I knock on the door and announce myself, please answer me if you are able to. Next time I get stone cold silence I'm going to take this tray and eat it myself!
Also, for the love of god, please move your urinal off of the meal tray!!
To the lady in the diningroom who starts hollaring to go to her bed the moment she swallows her last bite of food. Shut up, be patient, some people arent done eating yet and
now that you decided to be annoying we will put u in last
I don't have any problems with family currently, most of the "bad" family members have been dealt with to the point where they now behave haha However if there would be one thing I could say, to anyone, anywhere in my care home, it would be DO NOT ABANDON YOUR FAMILY MEMBER WITH US. We help them with their ADL's and make sure they are as healthy as possible, but to the ****ing families who never come in, who never visit, who never re-stock their mom's ****ing toothpaste or make sure she's okay, I hope you rot in hell.
I am sympathetic, it is very difficult to see your mom in this condition- contracted, demented, calling out all the time and in diapers, but if you thought for ONE second how much harder it is on her that you never come in, you would realize that staying away is the most selfish and horrible thing you can do. She is alone, living out her last days in an institution, and although we give her as much love as we can (read: have/make time for in the busy day) there is no substitution for familial love. You may wonder is she recognizes you but whether she does or not is not the point- anyone, no matter how far into Alzheimer's they may be, can feel love and can feel loneliness. Ten minutes of your busy busy week makes all the difference.
However if there would be one thing I could say, to anyone, anywhere in my care home, it would be DO NOT ABANDON YOUR FAMILY MEMBER WITH US. We help them with their ADL's and make sure they are as healthy as possible, but to the ****ing families who never come in, who never visit, who never re-stock their mom's ****ing toothpaste or make sure she's okay, I hope you rot in hell.
LaterAlligator
239 Posts
Dear coworker that showed up ostensibly on meth:
I may not have the power to fire you, but you can bet your ass I'll be calling child protective services to investigate your three little ones. If you're this awful at work, I can't imagine how you are at home, and it just kills me to know you've got small children depending on you. You don't deserve to be a mama or to work around our residents.