What is with these martyrs?

fergus51 · Nov 1, 2003

Some nurses are just nuts. This is the same type of person who would say something like "I never take my breaks" or "I don't mind staying late without pay".... :rolleyes:

itsme · Nov 1, 2003

I think there are nurses like that in every facility. The ones who will come in early & stay late without clocking in, the ones who come in everysingle time they get called. We had a nurse who worked the day of her daughters graduation from high school, the rest of us nurses had to practically drag her out of there so she could run over to the high school in time to see the ceremony. That was just crazy. I haave always said my family comes first and I mean it.

carcha · Nov 1, 2003

I think I'm one of "THOSE" nurses. Help me!

fergus51 · Nov 1, 2003

There should be a 12 step program for people with this addiction to martyrdom in nursing:) I think step one is saying :"This is a job. I love it, but it is just a job." Step 2 is admitting I can't do everything alone, I do need help sometimes. Step 3 is realizing that being taken advantage of is not something to be proud of...

Hellllllo Nurse, BSN, RN · Nov 2, 2003

Originally posted by fergus51
There should be a 12 step program for people with this addiction to martyrdom in nursing:) I think step one is saying :"This is a job. I love it, but it is just a job." Step 2 is admitting I can't do everything alone, I do need help sometimes. Step 3 is realizing that being taken advantage of is not something to be proud of...

Agree, fergus!

Step 4 is realizing that I'm not "better" than everyone else nor does it prove that I "care more" if I let the hospital abuse me!

Tweety, BSN, RN · Nov 2, 2003

Originally posted by carcha
I think I'm one of "THOSE" nurses. Help me!

Me too. The other day when I was in charge and we were busy I let them pull a nurse at 11:00 to help out another unit and took three patients myself.

Turns out the day before they tried the same thing when I was off and the charge nurse refused. Now I set a bad precident and made the other nurse look bad for refusing.

I try to go the extra mile when required, but sometimes can't see the difference between saying what I need and doing it myself.

Town & Country · Nov 8, 2003

now i set a bad precident and made the other nurse look bad for refusing.

that's the problem.

if nurses would wake up, and climb down off their crosses, maybe just maybe we would get some safe staffing.

if the lpn before me hadn't been a martyr for three years by being the only licensed person in the ltc facility i worked at; they wouldn't have expected me to do it, because that was thrown up in my face "well so-and-so did it for 3 years!"

i don't give a rat's asz if she did it for ten years ~ it's unsafe and i won't do it!

dumbasz nurses are their own worst enemy!

oramar · Nov 8, 2003

Sadly no educator or administrator ever taught me not to be a door mat. It is also sad that early in my career I let people abuse me. I learned I had a right not to be abused when I observed other nurses that stuck up for themselves. My own sense of self preservations started to kick in after a few years and I became an advocate. My advice is do not get down on yourselves for accepting oppression. Just get busy and say no the next time.

Agnus · Nov 17, 2003

It has to do with self worth my friend.

Women and lets face it most nurses are women, tend to take blame and responsibiltiy for everything. We are easily guilted into doing things we know are wrong.

Low self estem allow one to be guilted. Being a martyr give a person the sense that they are "a good person." It allows many to feel superior because they are good and take what is throw thier way.

They will be rewarded in heaven. Or someone will notice thier nobility and think highly of them thus getting thier reward that way.

It is passive agression toward thier collegues.

Have you noticed we spend a lot more time tearing each other down than building each other up? This stems from our our lack of self worth. If we felt good about ourself we would not have the need nor inclination to criticize others.

Agnus · Nov 17, 2003

Originally posted by oramar
Sadly no educator or administrator ever taught me not to be a door mat. It is also sad that early in my career I let people abuse me. I learned I had a right not to be abused when I observed other nurses that stuck up for themselves. My own sense of self preservations started to kick in after a few years and I became an advocate. My advice is do not get down on yourselves for accepting oppression. Just get busy and say no the next time.

It is not thier job to teach us that. Infact it is to thier advantage if we don't learn it.

Hopefully you come to nursing with a strong sense of who you are and you are so strong in that that they don't convince you otherwise.

Blaming others for not teaching us is the same as saying I am weak and helpless and too dumb to figure it out for myself. This goes along with the self esteem.

The key to self esteem is SELF It is an internal locus of control. Putting that locus out side ourselves says I am too dumb and helpless for anything. It is called taking responsibility for ones's self.

sadly we are conditioned and we respond to that conditiong. Once we realinze what is going on on an consicous leve it is up to us to stop our own conditioned responses until we recondition a different response in ourslef. It ain't easy.

chris_at_lucas_RN, RN · Nov 17, 2003

I think there is something in the training that tends to cement in (if it's not already in!) a martyrdom thing.

I haven't had a single instructor who treated us like professionals--they treated us like we were idiots and to be suspected of every negative thing possible. I'm surprised they didn't fingerprint us before, during and after exams!

Even one wonderful woman who, when I failed an exam and looked at it as a lesson in humility, said "NO ONE NEEDS TO BE HUMBLED!" used to do it to us.

If we are going to stop taking it in the a## on the job, we probably should start at school. (Sorry to be so blunt...)

And that's not going to happen until we have some options and take advantage of them! Same on the job!

For myself, I found out about distance learning, and after three semesters (of a 5 semester course), I transferred. Some of my classmates have followed me.

Instead of "what's up with us?" perhaps we can work toward "up with us!"

Love this profession!