What do you live for?

Still Riding · Oct 10, 2005

For me it is family, friends and horses. I love my friends and family but i have never felt as free as I do at the barn. It is like my own little place. whenever I am upset that is were you will find me. but if you actually do come find me the next time I will go out for a ride through the woods so that you can't.

As long as I can be around the horses (especially mine) then it seems that everything else goes great. I get better grades in classes (odd because i have less time), I get along better with family and friends, I don't cry as often, and even my clinical skills seem to improve.

family and friends hold my head above water so I don't drown, Horses let me walk on water. Without hte people I would die, without the horses I am just miserable.

don't know if that helps but that is my passion.

I hope you find what you are looking for. SR

All_Smiles_RN · Oct 10, 2005

Hearing my two year old say "i love you mommy"... Getting a letter in the mail from my love serving in Iraq... Nursing school almost being over and having survived it!... Having great conversations with my best friend... A day of shopping with my little sister... All sorts of things really.

Sometimes when we are going through tough/stressful times... divorce, illness, etc, we lose sight of the little things that we love about life. Prayer and faith are what my give me strength when the going gets tough. I've found that setting goals for myself helps tremendously; short and long term, big and small. That way I am always working towards and accomplishing something. What used to bring you excitement? What have you looked forward to in the past? What small things about life do you love?

Thunderwolf, MSN, RN · Oct 10, 2005

Thrashej, you seem very depressed by the questions you ask. If so, I strongly encourage you to seek help for this. We are here to support you, but please seek assistance for this on your end. If you are in treatment, recontact your provider. I need you to help us help you...if that makes any sense. We can only say so much. I really do wish you well and in better spirits.

Chaya, ASN, RN · Oct 10, 2005

It always seems just when I want to chuck it all, we get a repeat patient (re-admission; in Rehab we get lots of these) who actually REMEMBERS me and expresses gratitude for past care. And I love watching a pt who came in practically comatose with tubes from everywhere walk down the hall with their walker. They finally know they will be able to go home, and you know you've helped them get their life back.

As for the personal stuff that just helps me refocus when I'm frazzled:

-a couple of favorite songs/ albums that just lift me up

-exercise-helps me feel calmer

-I take out some of my favorite pix of good times (great for those times when I feel like the wolrld's biggest loser)

-I don't have critters now but did in the past. Sometimes just their crazy antics could cheer me up and sometimes they'd actually sense you needed comforting and curl up next to me

-the sound of chimes (windchimes, etc) somehow give me a state of mental clarity

-I have crystals hanging that throw rainbows around my house; I can't see these and not feel more peaceful and sometimes actual joy.

-I'm not too proud to ask for a hug when I need one, from husband, daughter, family or friend.

Lastly, I remind myself that tomorrow is a new day and try to focus on what I want to be different and what small, specific steps I can take to make it happen instead of letting myself be depressed by all the things I don't like in my life.

Good Luck-

Chaya

babynurselsa, RN · Oct 10, 2005

Some days you just gotta get up and start another day sure that it will get better.

If you are this depresses please go see your physician, pastor, or best friend. All of the above would be even better.

I know that I have been through times that I struggled to find a reason to go on.

Examine your current situation and see if you can pinpoint what makes you unhappy. Is this something you can change?

What things give you peace, joy or happiness?

Please see someone.

Havin' A Party!, ASN, RN · Oct 10, 2005

J -- Sounds like you're in need of a friend right now.

In person ones may be better. But remember we're your friends too.

On your end, please continue taking care of yourself.

As to your question, there's nothing higher than love to keep us going.

Love...

Curious1alwys, BSN, RN · Oct 10, 2005

I don't have any friends. That is part of the problem. You guys here are the closest thing to it. In general, I find people nicer on the internet than in person, sad to say.

I have been getting help, but I don't think it ever works! Maybe I don't have a chemical imbalance, maybe it is just my personality to forever see life as if it has no purpose? I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me, at the core. I have family, and even though I talk to a few of them everyday, they don't get it and are really very little help.........IF they don't make it worse. So, I can't go to them either. I use to live for the feeling I got from exercise, but now I don't even do that anymore. Now I just feel fat.

I know you all can't help me here. After reading your responses, I realize why I feel like my life has no purpose and I have little to live for. I am missing some major big components out of my life, some huge support systems.

I will call my Doc. Even though I have lost hope on her too.. :uhoh3:

Thanks for the replies. Very interesting and enlightening!

sunnyjohn · Oct 10, 2005

Please go see a new doctor!

I used to feel the same way you did. A few years ago I was having a difficult time with communicating with my parents and I rarely spoke to my brothers. I moved thousands of miles away so they would not bother me. It was scary since as a teen I had tried to commit suicide.

I used to be a shy girl, so I had only one or two friends.

Getting treatment for my depression saved my life. It took many, many different treatment options though.

Getting help has SO changed my life. My shyness went out the window. I started making friends. I stopped the self-sabotage and started making sound,good decisions. I was able to travel and do all the adventerous things that I had dreamed in my spirit. I discovered that I am quite a risk taker. and all I want to do is LIVE, LIVE, LIVE!

I realized that I had been suffering with depression since I was 14 years old! I now feel that I am making up for the many years depression robbed me of and WOW, is LIFE great!

Please try again to see someone.....

We at allnurses are ALWAYS here for you! ((((kiss&hug)))))

Havin' A Party!, ASN, RN · Oct 10, 2005

J -- Often families don't understand because they've never studied the processes we have, and they're fed much baloney on TV. (That Wellbutrin commercial comes to mind: "I used to feel bad, but after taking this one pill, I'm all better! La-di-dah!... ")

Family / friends sometimes wanna give us "easy fixes" to our problem, when we know those don't really exist. ("If things were that simple, dontcha think I would've done that already?!?!")

A lot of times, what's best is to listen, to try to understand, and to be empathetic.

Low times can happen to any one of us.

(((Hugs)))

maggijo · Oct 10, 2005

The two things that get me out of bed these days are my 14-month-old son and having a tangible goal of becoming a nurse. That has always gotten me through, having a goal I feel passionate about and doing something every day to work towards it.

Seeing my baby each morning makes me happier than anything...

Thunderwolf, MSN, RN · Oct 11, 2005

Thrashej, it is good to see that you have received some posts. Depression is not an easy place to be at. What you have identified as having little support or perceived support also makes depression much more difficult. The thing about depression though is that it makes one withdraw from others...to isolate. Medication is very important. And if on medication, are you taking it the way the doc has prescribed for you? Another thing about medication is that it may need to be evaluated ever so often...the right type of medication(s) and at the right amount(s). This can be frustrating, I know. But, this is crucial to your recovery. Depression is a whole body experience. It affects one's body (energy, sleep, appetite, drive), emotions (depressed mood, anxiety, irritability, frustration tolerance) and thinking (negativity, helplessness, hopelessness, and how we view one's self, people, situations, and the future). It can affect one's whole being. So, I understand. I really do. Many of the members, I'm sure, may have had experiences similar as your own. So, you are truly not alone. People have been there. Sometimes, just knowing this gives a little hope and can provide a little encouragement. However, we as members also need for you to do your part in taking care of yourself....even if you have no desire/energy in doing so. It is something you NEED to do for yourself. We can't do it for you. For example, I recommend that you do at least"one thing each day" that is self nurturing and healthy for yourself. This could be simply just bathing every day or eating 3 meals each day...for example. But, this is an important step. Once you start the momentum, it is easier for you to maintain. Just realize that the intial start is typically the toughest, because you simply may not want to do it. The next important thing I recommend is to get out of the house for at least 1/2 hour. It doesn't matter if it is for a walk, going to the library, to the store, whatever/where ever. But, you need to get out and MOVE. The last thing I recommend is that you need to be among people, regardless if family, a friend, at the mall, whoever...friend or stranger doesn't matter. This is to help shift from BEING isolated to being among others. Seen it multiple times, people who are depressed benefit by being among other people...a medicine all its own. Very important. So, you see...you do have some options. There is hope. Others have suffered before you and have overcome it. Another reason to hope is that YOUR light at the end of this tunnel will come back into your life. But, we need you to walk your walk and get there. I can't walk it for you. And yes, others may not truly understand what and how depression is like...even family...even friends. But, remember, many people do know what it is like...because they have been there and walked it. So, please do not get more discouraged over this. This is just the way it is. I wish you the best and encourage you to do more. See and work with your doc. Meds take time to work effectively, even when adjustments are made. Typically anywhere from 2 -6 weeks. You need to know this so you have a realistic expectation about them. There is no happy pill. But, meds do work and have their place and also make it much easier to do the things I have recommended. If you need a mantra, "Moving forward" has helped some folks do just that...that little extra push towards health...or pick your own mantra or sayings that encourages you. In a nut shell, what I am saying is that you must MOVE/DO and not stand still and isolate. If suicidal, call the hotline or check in for hospital treatment. We cannot help you with this. We as members are not equipted for this...only professional healthcare providers in your area. I wish you the best. Please take care of yourself.

Wolfie