What do you live for?

bethin · Nov 10, 2005

Ok, what's this "WARN" thing at the bottom of my posts?? Have I been a bad girl????:rotfl: :uhoh21:

Well, at least you don't have 'Warn 0%'. That's scary. It's like I've been given a warning. But for what?

Anyway, there is something I wanted to tell you. I learned this in therapy, because like you it was hard for me to meet people, make new friends, etc. I would walk around with my head down to avoid eye contact. There were people who I worked with for three years before words were spoken between us. My therapist told me, at least once a day, pick your head up and say hello to someone. I think this will be helpful in your new job. I followed her advice and it worked. I said hello to a nurse that I had never spoken to before and within three weeks we knew each other so well. She's now my best friend and I would do anything for her. We knew each other for a few weeks when she mentioned she wanted to visit her fiance in South Korea(he's in the army) but she didn't want to go alone and nobody else would go with her. I jumped at the chance and we went. The best experience I've had in my life so far. See what happens when you pick your head up?

Your husband picked you also. He married you because he loves you and you make him happy. So stop that he could do better crap.

Take care, thrashej.

Blackcat99 · Nov 10, 2005

I live for my 84 year old mother. If I wasn't here my brother would put her in a nursing home. I live for my 2 cats. I wouldn't make it without my 2 cats. They bring so much joy into my life. I live because suicide is considered a sin in my religion. In my religion, suicide is the worst sin and when a person commits suicide they come back as a ghost and suffer great misery. I hope you will get some help with your depression. Good luck:)

Curious1alwys, BSN, RN · Nov 10, 2005

Bethin..

I don't see "WARN" on your post. Mine also says "WARN 0%". Can you see that on mine?? LOL. Hey, maybe everybody has this.....:rotfl:

I get what you are saying about holding your head up. I have been doing this in the hospital since clinicals started and am finding success. I am usually pretty introverted but as a clinical student, you just have to "get out there" oftentimes, so I have been. I am exhausted by the time I get home from all the people contact, but I like it most days. It gets me out of my shell.

I am hoping this apathy will get better once I start back with work and a real schedule again. Like others have said, it is the routine that keeps you together. Right now, I really don't have any other than school.

Thank you for your support!:)

Curious1alwys, BSN, RN · Nov 10, 2005

Hey, I DO live for my cats, too. I don't know where I would be without them, I just love them so much. Plus, I would never abandon them, I mean who would take care of them??? I am the biggest cat lover you likely have ever "met". I think I was a cat in my past life.:rotfl:

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · Nov 10, 2005

Folks, don't sweat the "Warn" icon---that's for staff use, so we can keep track of any warnings we issue. If you have 0%, it just means you haven't received any.:)

Sandhya · Nov 11, 2005

What makes you wake up again and again every day and keep on going? What do you live for, what gives your life meaning? When times are tough, what keeps you going on? Do you ever feel that there is just no purpose to your life and wonder why you keep waking up everyday? It has been a long time since I felt excited about my life, or even my day ahead. I want to know what gives you all purpose?
Just curious.

Hi,

Being 22 yr old I don't have much experience about life, But do know some things to share with you. I haven't met anything interesting in my life yet

(not even a boyfriend), but I'm sure the day will come when I will be the happiest person in the world. I'm a family oriented girl, and I seek my happiness in my family. I'm proud that I'm always there for my parents, can do anything for them. Their one smile gives me a million dollor satisfaction.

Just remember you are the only person who is gonna be with you rest of your life. Find your happiness in small little things, they are around you, just find them!!!

I think sometimes these kind of feelings are normal if they don't last long.

Good luck! Feel better soon!:balloons:

Sandhya

Student Nurse, NY

Nanaie4ever · Feb 10, 2006

Thrasheu: I'm very concerned for you. I hope you take all of the excellant advise you have received thus far. I will add a site that can be a wonderful support system. It is "Wings of Madness". WOM.com, I believe is the addy.

Please give it a try. Also, just try to tell yourself what a wonderful person you are!!! Obviously some pretty bad things happened while you were growing up, don't (or at least try not to dwell on these) let them define who you are. You survived whatever you went thru, you will survive this depression also. Reach out, others love and care for you. So much support on this board! It is wonderful to see. Please try the other site as well. I'm sure it will give you much solace and ways to try to help while in the throes of feeling so down. Praying for you until you feel better. Teh

dreamofnurse · Feb 14, 2006

My new little baby and the excitement of being able to watch him grow in the future...the goals and challenges that are still ahead for me...returning to school and persuing the education and opportunties I want so much to achieve...the possibility of buying a house, getting married, going on vacations and all the suprises along the way

Curious1alwys, BSN, RN · Feb 15, 2006

I saw that others were still adding to this thread, thank you. Wanted to update.

Well, I am seeing a psychologist now. She is much better than the counselor I was going to. I have only been to her a few times but she seems promising. I went off all meds against the advice of my psychiatrist but am now having a pretty intense prob with anxiety so I have an appt with her next week to see what she thinks. My psychologist thinks I should explore the possibility of bipolar/manic depression (runs heavily in my family). While I have no traditional "manic" episodes, she says that in a small percentage of people manic episodes can manifest themselves as extreme agitation or anxiety..........symptoms I do have. (or is that just GAD, lol) :coollook:

The last few months have been good to me but also not so good. I did start back at school (a big accomplishment for me since I was considering bailing) and am doing well. My father, however, has been diagnosed with terminal cancer for which they are only now doing palliative tx. Dealing with that has been hard but I am now trying not to mourn my father before he is gone. Chemo has gone OK for him but they had to do second line tx so the CA is not responding so well. And he has brain mets. So....... Also, I got a job in the ER. At first it seemed like a dream job for me..Pool, high pay, very flexible.......but I was amazed to see how stressful it is. I thought at first it was just cuz I needed to get my basics down, learn the job......but now I realize that nope it is just stressful and will always be that busy and crazy. I work in the second busiest ER in the state, so... Since I told my psychologist that I got the "flight or fight" feelings every time I was there and for a few hours before she thinks that maybe I need to cut back hours and just work as minimally as poss while in NS. I am likely to heed her advice.

Anyway, the depression seems to be not as bad but honestly, lately, I feel like I just replaced the "sadness" with extreme anxiety. Many nights, after work, I just can't calm down and can actually feel all the stress hormones circulating. I feel like I either have to get drunk or eat a bunch of carbs to settle down!! In addition, I have had some minor health probs that have seemed to coincide with starting the ER job so that maybe a sign. Hey, atleast I am figuring out that the fast pace of the ER might not be for me!!!:chuckle I feel like if I could just get a Xanax before my shift I would be OK:uhoh3: Guess that's not possible!!

Anyone know of antianxiety meds that DON'T make you feel like a zombie???

Thanks all for the replies.:icon_hug: I hope to just keep pushin' on and before I know it, I will have made it through all. I feel like now I do have to be strong for some family members that (if you can believe it) are NOT AS WELL adjusted as I am. My fathers illness is taking its toll. They need me.

Chaya, ASN, RN · Feb 15, 2006

Thrashej- So glad you checked in; you've been in my thoughts. Sounds like you've got an awful lot on your plate, some by choice and some by chance. Also sounds like you've found a number of things that are starting to make a positive difference. Finding out what works for you is pretty much trial and error but hopefully you are seeing some progress.

I know that antsy-can't settle down feeling...Sometimes I get that after work even if physically exhausted and I just gotta move to get thru it. I don't know if it would be possible for you to exercise after a grueling shift at work but when I drag myself to the gym after a wild night on the unit I find out I go right to sleep

as soon as I get home instead of staring into space too wired to relax (and I feel better when I wake up than if I got drunk or pigged out on carbs!)

Keep taking it one day at a time-sometimes the good guys do come out ahead!

(((((Thrashej)))))

Chaya

Thunderwolf, MSN, RN · Feb 16, 2006

(((((((((((((((Thrashej))))))))))))))))