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What can i do with my husband?

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I am a nursing student ,about to graduate at the end of the year and I would like to work PRN on the ER of the local hospital until then to get more experience.When I told my husband what I am planning to do, he got very nervous about the fact that I will expose myself and our family to all kinds of diseases.Is no way I can convince him that I will be careful. Honestly, I can't promise that I will not stick myself with a needle,or I won't be around pt w/HIV,or other contagiuos illnesses.He said that if I decide to take the risk for myself is fine but that he does't need to take the same risk.Is anybody out there who was in a sililar situation? I don't want to quit my carer when I am so close to make it...but I don't want to live in fear that one day it will happen and he wil say"I told you so...":rolleyes:

twinmommy+2, ADN, BSN, MSN

Specializes in ED. Has 16 years experience.

You know what, I get sick more often after my kids come home from school with colds than I do from work. And if I do get sick from work its from what the co-workers have had. Not usually from the patients. I would say go for it except for the simple fact that I think your dh is trying to say that he really doesn't want you doing this job. You guys have to do more talking before taking this step.

From what I understand, the odds of working as a new grad in an ER are very slim. Seems that most places require you to have at least a year of med surg experience. That is not from my own experience (I am not a nurse yet) but what I gather from reading around here. That being said, I think ER experience is great experience for nurses and techs alike. It's good to help you work on thinking on your feet, a variety of problems, etc. As for your husband being concerned about it being a risky line of work? Nursing is. So is being a doctor, a firefighter, a policeman, heck all kinds of stuff. The thing is, the people that come into the ER as sick patients are the same people that are otherwise out in public - behind you in line at the store, checking out your groceries, sitting next to you at a movie theater. Lots of handwashing, common sense, and a willingness to learn will protect you well. Best of luck!

What he really wants me to do , something in a private practice where all I am going to do is take the BP...after all the studying ...I will try to compromise maybe with a job on a easier unit..if is anything like that in a hospital...thanks for the fast response..

NurseyBaby'05, BSN, RN

Specializes in Neuro/Med-Surg/Oncology.

Why are you compromising at all? He had no problem with you being exposed all through school. Now that you're actually doing something with your education he has a problem with it???? Like another poster said, you guys have underlying issues discuss.

Good-luck . . . . .:)

When I told my husband what I am planning to do, he got very nervous about the fact that I will expose myself and our family to all kinds of diseases

When you say what you are "planning to do" do you mean working in the ER or being a nurse in general? I'm not sure that there is more danger of exposure in the ER versus another area of the hospital, or for that matter the public in general. As long as you take all the proper precautions while at work, and are careful with what you bring home (not wearing your work shoes to walk across your carpet for example) I'm not sure it's much worse than sitting on a crowded airplane or in a movie theater.

If he's concerned about you becoming a nurse in general, why is waiting until right before graduation to voice these concerns? Or has it been an uphill battle the whole way?

Kim :smilecoffeecup:

Edited by southeRNyankeee
punkchewayshun

norcalRNstudent

Specializes in ER. Has 1 years experience.

I've got two points...

First, all those "sick and infected" patients in the ER will get admitted somewhere, and when they're not in the hospital, they are out in the community, going to clinics and doctors offices. You will have contact with contagious people wherever you are. . .

I'm going to preface my second point with a disclaimer...I don't know you, your husband, or your relationship. This is a very general statement, so take it with a grain of salt....

Recently finishing nursing school myself, and being on these boards, I see alot of women whose husbands were initially suportive of them going to school, and then suddenly realize that their spouse is no longer financially dependent on them, no longer running the family 24/7, and the husbands tend to pull a very controlling guilt trip on them. Two marriages in my nursing school of 30 students broke up while we were in school. Really get to the heart of what your husband is concerned about...is it really the job, or is he feeling threatened by your impending independence? Just my :twocents::twocents:

Finally, I do work in the ER, a crazy, county, level 1 trauma center. I started as a new grad, LOVE my job, and have had nothing worse than a cold and cough that took a while to kick. Sure, I've seen scabies, HIV, HepC, TB, and all sorts of other communicable stuff, but I use common sense and universal precautions.

Best of luck to you!

emilysmom,RN

Has 2 years experience.

I work on a med surg floor in a very busy hospital. I have taken care of plenty of pts that had MRSA, HIV, HepC and not to mention many other viral and bacterial infections. I also have taken care of pts with active TB. So no matter where in the hospital you work you are exposed. I do not understand when you went through all those classes and when you did clinicals in hospitals he did not get upset about that. Good luck.

CathyLew

Specializes in MSP, Informatics. Has 17 years experience.

You know your post is an interesting one, and hits home in some ways. My husband is a sort of germ-a-phobe when it comes to my work. he won't touch my uniform if its in the laundry.... I always take my shoes off before I come into the house, and he just thinks what I do is nasy with nasty sick people. I tell him those are the same people that were walking arround the Mall the day before they came into the hospital, and are the same people at the super market the day after they get out of the hospital. With their same set of germs!

Now, the hubby is a Corrections officer. And when he started, I was nervouse about the criminals he would be with. He told Me those are the same type of people you see all over the place in the outside world, that are in the outside world up until they get arrested, and they are back in the world once they do their time. No tag on their forehead to warn you. He said at least in the joint, I know that they are bad and to watch my back...

well, same with the hospital patients. I know what they are in with. I know what precautions to take to protect myself. Once they are out in the world....with no tag on their forehead saying.... I have TB... I have HIV... I am MRSA carrier.... those are the people you come up with face to face in an elevator, or are the ones touching your produce before you buy it....

Unless your husband wants to live in a bubble. He has to deal with germs everywhere. And apreciate the fact that he has an educated wife who can help keep him up on the best ways to stay healthy thrugh handwashing, diet, positive thoughts, exersize, etc.

In a medical/hospital setting, you have the tools to protect yourself. Gloves, mask, gown, scrubs, goggles and very powerful antiseptic agents.

In the community, you have nothing. We spend all day touching doorknobs, shaking hands, coughing and sneezing in each others faces, in confined areas.

When people finally go to the hospital, they are often beyond the contagious stages of the disease. (Depending of course on if it IS contagious or not, of course) Many infectious diseases have been designed over the thousands of years we have suffered them, to be most easily transferred from host to host when the host "still feels good". This ensures the survival and continuity of the disease. This is not every case, but for the sake of the argument that you face, I believe it is valid.

I have no advice for your hubby. He needs to get over it, or you need to have a good talk.

southernbeegirl, BSN, RN

Specializes in Rehab, Infection, LTC. Has 16 years experience.

what can you do with your husband?

tell him to grow up

Being a "hubby" i can put myself in your shoes. I believe it is more about the fact of the money you will be making. It isn't so much the threat of independance but most of us have grown up in homes where the man was the bread winner and when your wife is making as much or more than you it can seem demasculating to us. All i can say is he needs to get over it like i did and see what contribution you are making to society and how happy it makes you. Once i did that... I went out and became a nurse too.

whipping girl in 07, RN

Specializes in ICU, nutrition. Has 7 years experience.

I would imagine you would do the same thing you did in clinicals...take a shower when you get home, wash your scrubs, wash your hands, use universal precautions with every patient and isolation when necessary or known. Even in the ER, frequent flyers have it all over their chart if they have a history of something, but even with those who are brand new to your ER you'd use universal precautions and likely be safe. I don't think I've ever caught ANYTHING from a patient in over 7 years of nursing, but I've caught plenty from co-workers (the flu ran rampant through our ICU staff my first year of nursing because people kept working sick due to short staffing...GRRR!!!), my kids (who never seem to get very sick but pass it on to me!), people at church (last winter I got a cold at least twice from shaking hands but not using hand gel because I'd changed purses), and my HUSBAND, who just gave me the flu, which developed into bronchitis, and I've been home from work almost a week.

I'm with the others...having a wife who is not dependent on his money can be very stressful on a man. My husband currently works a little from home and takes care of our two preschool children...our dd goes to kindergarten next year and our ds will probably go to part time preschool...I know he doesn't like it that I bring home the bacon. To make matters worse, I really don't WANT to work full-time and be the primary breadwinner but it was me full-time or him full-time out of town for weeks at a time PLUS me part-time for insurance...so we're doing what we have to do. Your husband may feel emasculated by your new-found independence. Does the field he work in have lots of "macho" men whose wives do not work outside the home? Will he get dogged by his buddies? My hubby occasionally gets dogged and he just laughs it off...calls me his "sugar mama," which I didn't like at first but now I laugh it off too. It's not forever...we'll get through this...

Is he worried he might have to take care of the kids? I know I was away from home more when I started working than I was in school, and since it was night shift I wasn't there at night when he was falling asleep. I'm sure that put some stress on our marriage, and I know he had to do the homework/bath/bed routine with our oldest (who was 4 to 7 when I worked nights) every night while I was at work. My hours were not as predictable, sometimes I'd get off late or get called in early or asked to work a different day because of staffing.

Good luck to you. Feel free to PM me and I'll try to get my hubby to respond if that would help.

Edited by whipping girl in 07
clarity

What he really wants me to do , something in a private practice where all I am going to do is take the BP...after all the studying ...I will try to compromise maybe with a job on a easier unit..if is anything like that in a hospital...thanks for the fast response..

Why on earth would you want to go through nursing school just to take BPs all day long? A monkey could do that.

I think your husband is just expressing anxiety about your new role. You'll likely be the breadwinner and be happy in your new job. He is going to have to deal with feelings of inadequacy and may even be unhappy in his job.

I went through something similar with my husband not long ago. When I started my CNA class, he kept saying he didn't like the idea of my doing bed baths on men. We talked, and it was more about his anxiety that I'm changing who I am.

Now that I'm in LPN school, he always talks about how I won't need him ater I get a good job, esp. once I'm an RN. He's afraid of not being "the man"

Try talking to your husband to see if maybe he's feeling the same way. Reassure him that although you are changing you path in life, you still want him to walk down it with you. And remind him that he doesn't have to be the breadwinner, he just needs to do the best he can.

Thanks a lot,everything would help right now...I still don't feel that the money is involved,but something bigger is behind his rationalization ...that is why I avoided to talk about my clinical experiences with him because I could tell it affects him ...but is kind of like not telling the whole truth...talking did not help..

luvmy2angels

Specializes in Geriatrics. Has 22 years experience.

What he really wants me to do , something in a private practice where all I am going to do is take the BP...after all the studying ...I will try to compromise maybe with a job on a easier unit..if is anything like that in a hospital...thanks for the fast response..

You will be exposed to all of the diseases and germs no matter where you go to work. you will be a nurse and that is what nurses do. Using standard precautions and good hand washing is the best prevention in the spread of disease and germs etc. I get sick more from my kids and the crap they bring home from school than i do from contact with my patients. I must say that i think it very unfair on his part to bring this up at the end of your schooling. Good luck!!

RedhairedNurse, BSN, RN

Specializes in Med Surg, Ortho.

I am a nursing student ,about to graduate at the end of the year and I would like to work PRN on the ER of the local hospital until then to get more experience.When I told my husband what I am planning to do, he got very nervous about the fact that I will expose myself and our family to all kinds of diseases.Is no way I can convince him that I will be careful. Honestly, I can't promise that I will not stick myself with a needle,or I won't be around pt w/HIV,or other contagiuos illnesses.He said that if I decide to take the risk for myself is fine but that he does't need to take the same risk.Is anybody out there who was in a sililar situation? I don't want to quit my carer when I am so close to make it...but I don't want to live in fear that one day it will happen and he wil say"I told you so...":rolleyes:

I can say this to you. At least at the hospital, we know what we're being exposed to. We have ways to protect ourselves. For instance.....when you're at Walmart and you've touched the shopping cart that may or may not have been touched by an undiagnosed c-diff person that just got through using the bathroom without washing their hands. Think about it!

Just take precautions; slow down, be careful with needles, be careful with things that can cause splashes. Most hospitals have needleless system except for maybe drawing blood or IVs; always make sure you engage the safety device after withdrawing the needle Before you do anything else. Be very familiar with equipment before you use it for the first time; practice with needles before you use them on somebody, don't worry about wasting good needles to practice with, safety first. Remember....just be careful and WASH your hands often. It's no big deal and definitely not a reason to live in fear.

Edit: I should say if you're going to the ER, then you're not going to know what people have like we do on the floor. So you must take extra precautions. Google the top ten most germiest jobs. Teaching is #1 on that list.

Tell him at least you will go together. Just kidding. Hey he will like the paychecks, just wait.

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