WANTED: Your Personal Stories About Abusive Relationships

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Greetings, All:

As part of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I am currently working on a series of stories for the allnurses.com community.

Specifically, I am interested in your personal narrative:

  • Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?
  • Are you currently in one, but thinking of leaving?
  • Have you yourself ever been an abuser?

If you'd like to be interviewed, please PM me by clicking on my username above. If you are a new member and do not have at least 15 posts, please post in the thread that you want to talk with me and one of the Admins will share your email address with me. Your personal point of view will be invaluable.

Also, if you have specific questions you would like for the series to address, I'd love to hear them. Please post your ideas below. Here are a few ideas of my own:

  • Is there anything about our profession that makes us more (or less) vulnerable to becoming involved with an abuser?
  • We often hear how nurses "eat their young". Are nurses also abusers? In there a connection between bullying at work and bullying at home?
  • What patterns, if any, typify a victim and abuser?

What do you ​think should be included in a series of posts about domestic abuse?

Specializes in PICU, Pediatrics, Trauma.
Ruby, I have read (and learned from) your posts, too. Been There 2012, if you remember where you found the reference about gender and abusing, I would love to include it. And to all: I am scheduled to work back-to-back shifts and may not be as responsive as I would like to be over the next couple of days. Thanks in advance for your thoughts and ideas. The series will be much stronger as a result of your experiences, ideas, questions and points of view.

I will try to find it. I stumbled on it while researching a different topic.

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Specializes in ICU.

I have no issue discussing my abuse. I've talked about it on here before. I think you should look at all aspects of abuse as mine was verbal, psychological, and financial abuse.

If you would like to PM me, you can, and I will share. I don't want to on this thread as my story is lengthy. It was a 15 year marriage that just bout destroyed me.

I will say I got out, I changed my life, and am married again to my best friend. But I suffered for many, many years.

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Hi Elizabeth. No idea how to get a hold of you but I'd be interested in having a talk about my experience regards to DV. Ive sent a friend request to you, maybe thats the way. But i give permission also for Nurses forum to give you my email address if that's permitted. Cheers Dawn

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Specializes in Peds, Med-Surg, Disaster Nsg, Parish Nsg.
Hi Elizabeth. No idea how to get a hold of you but I'd be interested in having a talk about my experience regards to DV. Ive sent a friend request to you, maybe thats the way. But i give permission also for Nurses forum to give you my email address if that's permitted. Cheers Dawn

I see you are a new member. Since I am an Admin, I will make sure that Elizabeth has your contact information.

For others who wish to talk to Elizabeth and have at least 15 posts, you may send her a PM (private message) by clicking on her username in the first post and then on Send PM.

If you do not yet have 15 posts, you may post in this thread that you wish your contact information shared with Elizabeth, and I or another Admin will share your information with Elizabeth.

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Please contact me regarding this post, [email protected]

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Wish I could help you. I don't really like to talk about it except in the broadest of terms.

Short marriage. I got out. Nice man, pleasant, even-tempered, and in no way controlling or obsessive during the dating phase. True colors came out three weeks after the ink was dry on the marriage license. A masterful bait n' switch. Never saw it coming. What a lemon.

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I think it's important to keep in mind that not all abuse is physical.

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Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.
Ruby vee....I often have liked your posts and points of view. I am wondering why you feel suspicious about this? We don't know her, but then again, we don't really know each other for that matter. BTW...I just read some recent research on this topic saying that abusers are close to 50/50 in gender but that the more "serious" cases of physical harm are done by men. Abuse includes emotional, spiritual and physical.

I have known several nurses over the years who have been in abusive relatipnships.

I know you asked Ruby Vee, but I think I understand her viewpoint of being suspicious; as someone who has been consistently vocal about my DV and gun violence survival, I think that some of us share our stories and still want to be anonymous enough that for those who have abusers who are still living, wouldn't want that potential exposure; along with some of us who enjoy our anonyminuty and the potential exposure is always there.

I think Ruby has a valid point of self-preservation, along with the many who have shared their stories, a "bump" of Ruby series is vital and can give the OP posters that she can ask would also be acceptable, because we have always and are willing to discuss this issue in a safe space.

As for me, the OP can feel free to reach out to me and use my quotes and ask for clarification or follow up;being 8 years removed and really reaching the point in my life where my PTSD is in remission, my words and experiences that I wrote are timeless, meaning no matter who decides to write a story, that trauma is a moment in time, and I would explain it the same way due to the traumatic nature. I also understand that tone is also not conveyed, so I am willing to hear out the OP as far as anything else is needed.

My apologies Ruby Vee if you are not having those thoughts; I'' not trying to speak for you, but I just understand your viewpoint and I think your series is a PHENOMINAL assets that should be featured every October for our members to have access to. :yes:

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I would like for you to contact me please

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I was abused as a child because I believe I have a parent with an undiagnosed PD disorder. Mods please feel free to give OP my e mail address. If you want a childhood story and how it effects me in adulthood.

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Specializes in PICU, Pediatrics, Trauma.
I know you asked Ruby Vee, but I think I understand her viewpoint of being suspicious; as someone who has been consistently vocal about my DV and gun violence survival, I think that some of us share our stories and still want to be anonymous enough that for those who have abusers who are still living, wouldn't want that potential exposure; along with some of us who enjoy our anonyminuty and the potential exposure is always there.

I think Ruby has a valid point of self-preservation, along with the many who have shared their stories, a "bump" of Ruby series is vital and can give the OP posters that she can ask would also be acceptable, because we have always and are willing to discuss this issue in a safe space.

As for me, the OP can feel free to reach out to me and use my quotes and ask for clarification or follow up;being 8 years removed and really reaching the point in my life where my PTSD is in remission, my words and experiences that I wrote are timeless, meaning no matter who decides to write a story, that trauma is a moment in time, and I would explain it the same way due to the traumatic nature. I also understand that tone is also not conveyed, so I am willing to hear out the OP as far as anything else is needed.

My apologies Ruby Vee if you are not having those thoughts; I'' not trying to speak for you, but I just understand your viewpoint and I think your series is a PHENOMINAL assets that should be featured every October for our members to have access to. :yes:

Thank you for your viewpoint. I understand. I would like to read them also.

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I think nurses deal with abuse because it's in our nature to see the good in people and try to "fix" them. That's part of who we are. And hearing the abuser that's apologetic and says they love you and are hurting makes us want to ease their pain. Even though we know it's part of the cycle, we don't want to cause pain to them. I think it takes a lot for a nurse to throw in the towel and say they don't care about the others feelings and aren't coming back.

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