Venting about classmates with families...

Published

OK, I am getting sooooo sick and tired of my classmates thinking that just because I don't work, have kids, or a husband..I have no problems. When did having problems only become exclusive to family life. I suffer my fair share of problems that drastically altered my grades first semester and was on the brink of failing..battled severe depression because of my problems and barely passed on...Im not going into detail about my personal life, but its just mind blowing how many of my classmates have this ONE SIDED VIEW ON life, its almost sickening....

OK, I am getting sooooo sick and tired of my classmates thinking that just because I don't work, have kids, or a husband..I have no problems. When did having problems only become exclusive to family life. I suffer my fair share of problems that drastically altered my grades first semester and was on the brink of failing..battled severe depression because of my problems and barely passed on...Im not going into detail about my personal life, but its just mind blowing how many of my classmates have this ONE SIDED VIEW ON life, its almost sickening....

Well, you have to agree that people who are young (usually very healthy), child-free, husband-free and job-free generally have a lot less to worry about, deal with, and pay for than those who aren't!

Specializes in Neuro.
I have not read all of the thread so forgive me if I am redundant.

I am a single male Registered Nurse. From my perspective, it often seems that the married people I work with expect me to sacrifice for them. The obvious one is covering for them at work. Hey you don't have family so you can work for me. Well. I do have family, they are called parents and siblings, I just don't happen to be married.

The other irritating thing, and I am sure that I am going to catch hell for this, is that I get constantly shaken down for "monetary donations." So and so is having a baby so give money. So and so's kid is having a fund raiser so please buy cookies. Married people with children automatically assume I have nothing better to do with my money than give it to their kids. I might be a little more understanding if I had kids, then there would be reciprocity. I buy from your kids and you buy from my kids. As it is, it turns out that I buy from your kids and then I keep buying from your kids or someone else's kids. :banghead:

To be quite honest, the last thing that I want to her at work is that another nurse is pregnant. I know that it is a happy occasion for HER, but look at it from the perspective of a single man. When that nurse goes on maternity, my scheduling becomes less flexible because the holes have to be covered. Basically I get crappier schedules.:banghead:

These days, when I am asked to give or "donate," I usually just say that I don't do that. I get so much crap for that as you can imagine. My dog of 16 years recently died. Nobody took up a collection for me to help defray the cost of cremation. And yes, she is just a dog. Not a human, but the point is married people expect singles to sacrifice/be flexible for them, but are often completely insensitive to the needs of the single person.

:yeahthat:

I have not read all of the thread so forgive me if I am redundant.

I am a single male Registered Nurse. From my perspective, it often seems that the married people I work with expect me to sacrifice for them. The obvious one is covering for them at work. Hey you don't have family so you can work for me. Well. I do have family, they are called parents and siblings, I just don't happen to be married.

The other irritating thing, and I am sure that I am going to catch hell for this, is that I get constantly shaken down for "monetary donations." So and so is having a baby so give money. So and so's kid is having a fund raiser so please buy cookies. Married people with children automatically assume I have nothing better to do with my money than give it to their kids. I might be a little more understanding if I had kids, then there would be reciprocity. I buy from your kids and you buy from my kids. As it is, it turns out that I buy from your kids and then I keep buying from your kids or someone else's kids. :banghead:

To be quite honest, the last thing that I want to her at work is that another nurse is pregnant. I know that it is a happy occasion for HER, but look at it from the perspective of a single man. When that nurse goes on maternity, my scheduling becomes less flexible because the holes have to be covered. Basically I get crappier schedules.:banghead:

These days, when I am asked to give or "donate," I usually just say that I don't do that. I get so much crap for that as you can imagine. My dog of 16 years recently died. Nobody took up a collection for me to help defray the cost of cremation. And yes, she is just a dog. Not a human, but the point is married people expect singles to sacrifice/be flexible for them, but are often completely insensitive to the needs of the single person.

Hey, I'm married, in my 40s, and I am a child-free woman. I am also weary of "my kid is selling candy/candles/widgets to raise money for soccer/camp/whatever- will you buy one for $20.00?"

One co-worker bugged me to buy her kid's stuff so much, that I told her I would donate $5.00 if she would agree not to ask me anymore. She agreed and took the $5.00.

I have also given a rediculous amount of money over the years for baby showers, etc. Now, I just give $1.00. I'd prefer not to give anything, but I hate dealing with the attitude I get when I say no.

I have also covered many shifts because "My kid is sick/missed the bus/has a game/appointment" and so on.

It does get old, and it's not just a thing that single, male co-workers have to put up with. Child-free, married women have to deal with it, too.

And, I wanted to say I'm sorry for the loss of your dog.

OK, I am getting sooooo sick and tired of my classmates thinking that just because I don't work, have kids, or a husband..I have no problems. When did having problems only become exclusive to family life. I suffer my fair share of problems that drastically altered my grades first semester and was on the brink of failing..battled severe depression because of my problems and barely passed on...Im not going into detail about my personal life, but its just mind blowing how many of my classmates have this ONE SIDED VIEW ON life, its almost sickening.

I don't think you can make this statement til you've been there.

Yes, I know you have a life, commitments, etc.

but- it's very hard to have people who need you and depend on you and still make your requirements at school..

BTW, I have 2 kids, and graduated with a 4.0.

You know for everyone to see over the fence is not easy.

You sound as you need to talk more about this. So do you have any resorces at school...i.e. student couseler or a favorite instructor you could go to talk to. Venting is great online but it may really help if you talked to someone, one to one

open1gate:banghead:

Wow, I wonder if you'll feel the same way after you have children. You don't know until you have them just how much time, money and energy they take up. I'm not complaining. I chose to have my son, I love him & I don't regret it (look at my user name!). It's just harder than you can ever imagine. A quote from Terms of Endearment is the best way I've heard it described. "As hard as you think it is, you end up wishing it were that easy."

I went to college right out of high school & worked 30 hours a week & went to school full-time (for teaching - there were "rotations" for that too)- it took 6 years to get my bachelor's degree, but I did it. I went back to school (for nursing) at age 38, married & with a 3-year-old. Hands down, working 30 hours a week & college full-time was a piece of cake compared to going to nursing school with a family.

Respectfully,

Mumma :nuke:

Specializes in CNA going for LPN.

I defended a person who was sleeping in class from being exhausted. She is a young 21 year-old mother, a student, and she works as a CNA. The person who practically murdered me with her eyes when I defended this girl said, "Cripes! She's living at home with her Mommy!"

I believe this girl is no different than the rest of us. She is human! And she deserves mercy too.

Specializes in Cardiac, Telemetry.

I haven't read this entire thread, so I apologize if someone else has already said this. I'm single, I have no kids, and I've had my hands full dealing with working, paying my bills, and I've had some anxiety and depression issues since entering nursing school.

I've known for a long time that I wanted to go to nursing school, and that life wasn't going to be easy through then. I've deliberately put off doing some things like being in a full-time relationship, or having kids, because I knew that I wouldn't be able to devote the time and energy that they deserve. Sometimes I even feel badly for my dog.

However, those in nursing school with kids, families, etc, made their decisions. I know not everyone plans to get pregnant, but they certainly chose to enter nursing school, and they chose to stick with it, even when our instructors made it very clear from day one that everything would have to take a back burner to school. No one made you move into a bigger house, or lease your gas-guzzling SUV. And stop complaining about your sorry husband. You knew what he was like when you signed the house note.

Sometimes it feels like some of my classmates use their kids as a trophy, to hold up and say, look how amazing I am, I accomplish all this. If you feel adequate, you'll know it, and no amount of parading around can fill your void if you feel inadequate.

Do you need the love and approval of your classmates? There is nothing wrong in liking to be liked by others, but when making others approval becomes a need, that's the source of all kinds of problems, anxiety which tend to restrict people's life is one of those problems I am referring about, and it seems you are already feeling the "squeeze". A suggestion: keep reasonable boundaries between yourself and your classmates for you do not need to apologize for what they perceive as an advantageous way of living from you. You have to live with your choices and so are your classmates why worry about what they perceive good or bad in the way you live. Best, Feliz3

If you don't have kids, you don't get it. It actually means you love something more then yourself. Your time is not your own, etc. Working on the holidays would be no big deal because that only effects you, but if you have a family and the kids wake up, there's no mom or say dad, that effects them. I do believe you should always keep the complaining to a minimum, nobody wants to hear others problems, that is the case in whatever you do. I have said many things in my life prior to having children and let me say, I have eaten my words many times...

If you don't have kids, you don't get it. It actually means you love something more then yourself. Your time is not your own, etc. Working on the holidays would be no big deal because that only effects you, but if you have a family and the kids wake up, there's no mom or say dad, that effects them. I do believe you should always keep the complaining to a minimum, nobody wants to hear others problems, that is the case in whatever you do. I have said many things in my life prior to having children and let me say, I have eaten my words many times...

People who don't have kids are capable of loving others more than they love themselves. I don't have kids, but working holidays does not only affect me- it affects my husband, parents, siblings, and so on.

Some of us never will have children.

Do you feel that means we should work all the holidays, and will never love anyone more than we love ourselves?

Please clarify.

Specializes in psych. rehab nursing, float pool.

trepinct.

While you might feel the things the person quoted as reasons they see being single can be it's own hardship, that you so quickly dismissed. Throw into the equation. huge snowstorm. You need to get to school but first have to shovel, I say shovel the driveway before school just to get your car out. Yes, I had to do that. Did I for a moment envy the person who had someone, anyone who could do it for them? yes I did. Did I ever envy that someone who was married or lived with someone had someone to share the expenses when an unexpected finances came up. Of course. Did I think would't it be wonderful to hold my hand and tell me it everything will be alright, when at that time I had no one? sure. Or having that little one come up and say Mommy or Daddy I love you, you are the best at the end of a day? yup again.

Never be quick to judge someone else, unless you have walked in their shoes. That goes for the people who have no spouse or children v/s feeling one has no one to turn to or rely on.

. Again their are benefits and there are downsides also. I do not believe anyone can say either one has it perfect.

ps, I have a grown child now, I was married so I do know it from both sides of the fence. Neither was better , nor worse than the other.

+ Join the Discussion