Unwelcoming Facility/Shunning

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Specializes in 9.

Hi, 

I've been a nurse for close to 9 years now. I recently started working at this small nursing facility as a manager. There is this nurse who will also be my boss who I've been shadowing. It started out okay, but now I sense other people at the office are shunning me, and making passive aggressive comments around me. They would always talk to eachother, eat lunch together and isolate me. I don't want to seem desperate and try to always seek their acceptance. I'm also a different race than the rest of the staff in the office, some who are not nurses. I ask the nurse who's supposed to be "training" me today if she could give me feedback on how I'm doing , she said "You need to be more confident". I have no issues with  my confidence, but I feel like being an empath also I pick up on how they're trying to push me away because I'm different to them. I need this job for the time being. It's sad that people have the need to hurt others who simply want to make a honest living to support their families. What should I do? My supervisor and DON are also good friends. 

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Specializes in 9.

I'm also kind of soft spoken and appear "nice", so I think they're taking that as a weakness they can prey on. My supervisor also told me "this place has many people with strong personalities, so you have to be confident". I can't change my voice, and I'm confident enough to deal with the families, and staff there. I don't know what her problem is. I feel like she's threathened that I'm actually learning things quickly and can do my job. She likes people to constantly suck up to her also. 

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     Could this possibly be your misperception of the situation or the fact that some people just need longer to warm up to others?  In either event, I would just keep my head down, stay middle of the road, be consistent, and it's likely that you will soon gain acceptance in the workplace.  Personally, I've been a manager before and know what it's like to feel like an outsider at times, but this separation is actually beneficial and allows you to be more objective and more fair-minded.  If you do decide the job isn't a good fit, just bide your time and maybe jump ship when a good opportunity does present itself.  

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Specializes in New Critical care NP, Critical care, Med-surg, LTC.

I think that as long as the treatment you're receiving doesn't impact your ability to care for patients and families then you're probably fine. I personally don't care much for the more social aspects of the job and don't hang out in the break room with people, or get too involved in their personal lives. If you feel like this will negatively impact your ability to do the job, or your job satisfaction then maybe a concerted effort to make connections would be appropriate. The bottom line is, as you mentioned, you're competent to do the job and you need the job for now. I'm not suggesting that you should in any way deal with inappropriate treatment or be a doormat for others, but if they're just not overly welcoming then I would ignore it and enjoy the time to myself. Best wishes.

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Specializes in Psychiatry, Community, Nurse Manager, hospice.

I’ve found that some workplaces shun you when you’re new. The best way to handle it is to simply do the work, be reliable,  and let them come around to liking you when they’re ready. If they’re never ready to like you, let that be okay. They will eventually respect you for doing the work. 

Get your emotional and social needs met outside of work so that you don’t feel like something is missing in your life in general. They’ll come around.

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14 hours ago, HopetheEmpath said:

 My supervisor also told me "this place has many people with strong personalities, so you have to be confident". I can't change my voice, and I'm confident enough to deal with the families, and staff there. I don't know what her problem is. I feel like she's threatened that I'm actually learning things quickly and can do my job. She likes people to constantly suck up to her also. 

Oh dear. "Strong personalities". Over the years I have come to realize that when anyone from management tells you during your interview or orientation period that they have a lot of "strong personalities" what they actually mean is they have a small clique of incredibly nasty (or Direct if you wish to sugar coat it) staff who enjoy publicly criticizing, correcting, excluding and just generally making their targeted co-workers miserable and wishing they had never heard of said facility....and that they intent to do nothing about this blatant lack of professionalism/ human decency

This is one of those work place dynamics that requires two things A- the Strong Personalities and B- managers that allow it. I don't like the chances this situation will improved regardless of how quickly you are learning. 

Good luck to you. I think you are going to need it.

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Specializes in OB.
4 hours ago, kp2016 said:

Oh dear. "Strong personalities". Over the years I have come to realize that when anyone from management tells you during your interview or orientation period that they have a lot of "strong personalities" what they actually mean is they have a small clique of incredibly nasty (or Direct if you wish to sugar coat it) staff who enjoy publicly criticizing, correcting, excluding and just generally making their targeted co-workers miserable and wishing they had never heard of said facility....and that they intent to do nothing about this blatant lack of professionalism/ human decency

This is one of those work place dynamics that requires two things A- the Strong Personalities and B- managers that allow it. I don't like the chances this situation will improved regardless of how quickly you are learning. 

Good luck to you. I think you are going to need it.

All of this!  Right on the money.

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Specializes in New Critical care NP, Critical care, Med-surg, LTC.
6 hours ago, kp2016 said:

This is one of those work place dynamics that requires two things A- the Strong Personalities and B- managers that allow it.

Absolutely. I remember starting in my ICU and sitting down with my manager and her boss and both of them saying "there are some mean dayshift nurses down here". My question was if they already identified them as mean why A. were they put in charge of orienting the newest nurses and B. were they allowed to continue with the behavior pattern that was detrimental to the unit as a whole. Neither of these people had any answer and the behaviors didn't change until the day they left he unit. Poor leadership at it's finest. 

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Specializes in ER.

So 'strong personality' is code for the 'B' word?

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Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.

I agree with what everyone has said here, and I can add that being highly sensitive to what people are feeling cuts both ways in my own experience.  Sometimes that extra sensitivity you posess can be misinterpreted in a negative manner, even as it may allow you to notice subtle signs of distress or emotional cues others may not notice.

I've been through what you describe more than once, and my advice would be to do your job, be pleasant to everyone and let some time pass.  Try not to read too much in the different race aspect of this.  After a while you'll get to know each of their individual personalities and things will be much clearer, whether that is actually an issue or not.

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On 12/16/2021 at 1:25 PM, JBMmom said:

Absolutely. I remember starting in my ICU and sitting down with my manager and her boss and both of them saying "there are some mean dayshift nurses down here". My question was if they already identified them as mean why A. were they put in charge of orienting the newest nurses and B. were they allowed to continue with the behavior pattern that was detrimental to the unit as a whole. Neither of these people had any answer and the behaviors didn't change until the day they left he unit. Poor leadership at it's finest. 

     Amen to this!  I currently work with one of the most caustic, mean spirited, hate-filled nurses that I have ever had the displeasure of working with.  She is also rude and condescending and though she has been written up numerous times, she has never been suspended and is allowed to continue this behavior.  Probably the most despicable part though, is management, knowing her personally and continuing to pair resident nurses with her (who eventually quit because of the hostile treatment).

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

I had a job in an outpatient oncology/infusion center for a very short time that was just like this. I too was warned of the "strong" personalities there. I am not a shrinking violet and can hang with the worst of them.

I chose not to. At this stage of my life, I don't have time for that nonsense.

If you are able to do your job just do and don't worry about those people. You can always move on if it becomes toxic to you.

Either way, you have options.

I wish you the best.

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