Unsure of wanting kids

Nurses Stress 101

Published

I figured this would qualify as a stress topic, lol...

I always thought of wanting kids someday. But someday has pretty much turned to now. I don't know if I want kids anymore... I mean, the massive amount of responsibility!! That is true commitment. I have dealt with other people's kids, and I don't know if I want to actually deal with them at all stages of life! Sounds mean. I already come home stressed from my job of caring for other people. Then I'd come home to taking care of kids... not exactly stress-free, haha. I like coming home and plopping on the couch not having to deal with anything. I always thought people were selfish for not wanting kids and now I completely understand. I feel I might be too selfish! I'm starting to hate myself for it. I want my parents to be grandparents though. And I might regret not having kids someday... like when I'm 80 and have no kids or grandkids... I'd probably feel pretty darn lonely. I don't know.

Have you ever felt back and forth about having kids of your own... and just too darn scared to have kids?? :(

I have two boys, 12 and 2, and can't imagine life without them. I wasn't one of those kids/teenagers growing up that always had dolls and goo-gooed over new babies. My now-ex husband and I were in a really good place in our lives, marriage was stable, so we decided to try for a baby. He was a first-try success. I learned a lot about kids by jumping in head-first and praying I could swim. I changed my first diaper the day after he was born (epidural took so long to wear off I couldn't get up the day he was born) and you just wing it. We got divorced when he was 2, so it was just the two of us for a long time (he sees his dad every other weekend). As my oldest grew up I was thinking I wouldn't have another because of my age and the age difference between him and any other child, plus the guys I dated all had kids and didn't want to start over. When I met my husband, who was a bachelor, no kids, never married, and I saw how great he was with my oldest, we changed our mutual decision for no kids to having one together. He was 45 and I was 34 when our toddler was born--and I can't imagine life without him. It is frustrating at times (adolescent preteen attitude, terrible twos, tantrums all around) but there's a love that is indescribable and can't be experienced any other way. My boys are so close, despite the age difference, and there is nothing quite as sweet as having one (or both!) of them crawl up into my lap, curl up, and lay their head on my shoulder.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I really appreciate everyone's input. I like reading your responses.

I feel like deep down inside, I want to have kids. I think that it might just be the current moment that I can't imagine having them. Maybe in 2-3 years... but definitely not now. Maybe I'm just not ready now. It scares me right now. Just today, my mom mentioned using my old room as a room for her grandkids. I don't know... I just kinda fell in love with that idea... seeing my little ones in my old room and bonding with their grandparents. SOMEDAY... not now... reading your responses made me think of the positives of having kids, not just the tantrums and stress of them I guess. Hehe...

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Yes I debated this personally thru my 20's now almost 30. I still say...eh I will pass. Watching child birth frightened me lol. Plus realizing how much I love sleep and I am pretty career focused since I restarted careers. All I do is work and enjoy my time. I don't know if I am meant to be a parent just take it by the day. By all means society also ruins my vibes of bringing a child in. Then again prince charming has been pushed aside because I am career focused. It makes me content currently. Plus I have a lovely little furbaby!!! However kudos to the hard working parents!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Pediatric Hematology/Oncology.

I'm in the same boat as you but my partner has major baby fever. It's going to happen and I am doing my best to see what it's like to really give everything you've got and then give even more. I understand feeling guilty or feeling selfish. You aren't. I don't get that. I don't get people who think people who choose to remain childless are selfish. There's a fundamental logic fail for me and there always will be.

I look forward, though with serious fear and some hesitation about my abilities to really do my best for my kids, to having children someday, sooner or later. I work my butt of now with school, work and taking care of my partner -- I can't fathom having kids on top of it. But, when I'm with her nephews, I can see how kids will give you that extra boost of "yes I can" you didn't think you had. Kids that you love, you can find yourself doing anything for, even if they don't necessarily belong to you. Kids that are yours, you WILL do anything for.

But, really, don't feel like you're being selfish or somehow not being your fulfilled self as a human being. Kids are great but they are not the be all, end all for everyone in the whole world. That just doesn't make sense. You do you.

Oh, and hey, if it helps give you perspective, my partner never thought ever that she would have kids. Then, the fever came and she was lost to us forever. I've never seen a 180 like this. :eek:

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I was also really unsure of whether or not I wanted to be a parent. Then, I got pregnant on accident and found out that I was, actually, elated about becoming a mom, only to lose my baby at 10.5 weeks. I got pregnant a second time two months later and miscarried again, almost immediately. Now I'm so obsessed with having a baby, I'm not even sure if I really want a family or if I just have some super-extreme maternal clock that's kicked in (I'm almost 30).

Women have very complicated feelings when it comes to motherhood, and I think it's rare to be 100% sure about how you feel or what you want.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Medical-Surgial, Cardiac, Pediatrics.

I did, before I got an oops surprise just before I originally wanted to start nursing school. Started a year and a half later than planned, and finished three years later, so it worked out.

But I decided to stop at one, despite everyone telling me how selfish it was to JUST have ONE, because I just didn't want any more, no matter how cool it might have been for her to have siblings, or my mom to have more grandkids.. Whatever. I didn't want more, and I learned to stand by that.

Honestly, people are going to try to make you feel guilty no matter what you choose to do. If you don't have kids, you're selfish. Have one, you're selfish, because they NEED a playmate. Have two, you're good, as long as they're a boy and a girl. Have two boys, and you need to try for a girl. Have more than two, and you're a selfish drain on society.

You need to do what's best for you, and kids don't HAVE to be a part of that, no matter what society tells you.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in CNA, EKG, CMAA.

Aww these stories are touching?

You guys make me want to have a family, but i'm still young and education is key right now. So i'm going to leave this topic before I have any ideas.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Listen to me. Im 29. I have three kids. Im a peds PDN RN. I love kids. Im telling you. Dont do it. Or if you do, just have one. Maybe this is the sleep deprivation talking or the sheer state of exhaustion I've inhabited for the past 10 years. Kids are expensive.

They are never satisfied.

There's so much laundry. Its everywhere.

Cost. of. living. PERIOD.

You will never sleep again. Ever. Again.

If I could do it over, I would have waited. Im exhausted all the time. Im not even 30 yet and I feel like im 45.

Three kids is over kill. What was I thinking?

And yet I still love babies. They smell so good. And they are cute and cuddly and amazing... I guess thats what I was thinking LOL.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment