I'm the weekend supervisor in a LTC/Rehab facility. We are 75% rehab so dealing with unbelievable family members is par for the course. but last night....i had one that just took the cake!
I'm walking around the desk when this woman, about my age...well dressed...looked like someone that would have common sense and "know how to act in public" type person. until she opened her mouth anyways...
she walks straight up to me, got right in my personal face and put her nose about 2 inches from mine screaming "I dont want my mother to have any pain medicine!! She's immune to pain!"
um..ok. btw...who's your mom? lol. doncha love it when people yell at you about their loved one but dont tell you who or what room? yep, i can read your mind.
anyhoo...smile plastered on my face I attempt toget the the details of what we were talking about. she keeps yelling at me that she cant believe we offered her mom pain medicine! then she tells me "some woman came in the room last night and actually asked my mom if she was in pain and did she need anything!! icant believe yall would ask that!!" (i swear i'm not making this up)
i say "ma'am. we are a rehab center. therapy often causes pain and our nurses always ask the patients if they need any pain meds or if they are in pain because many times older patients dont want to 'bother' us by asking for pain meds"
she says "are you kidding me? you really ask people if they are hurting?? thats just setting people up for trouble and thats terrible nursing!!!"
(pick your mouths up of the floor people...i swear i'm not making this up,lol)
so then she says "well my friend is a nurse and she said you shouldnt be asking people if they are in pain"
I couldnt resist a little sarcasm at this point. indulge me, it was just a little, lol. so i tell her "ma'am, actually pain is considered the 5th vital sign by joint commission so it is something we not only ask people every night, but we ask them every shift and many times during the day and if your friend who is a nurse is not doing that with her patients then she is not assessing them properly as ALL nurses are supposed to assess pain level as it is as important as taking a blood pressure"
(heck, i was proud for ONLY saying that,lol)
so then she proceeds to start yelling at me and saying (all the while, almost nose to nose with me...despite me continually backing up until my back was up against the desk) saying..."my mother is immune to pain!" and telling me how her mother never hurts and we will NOT ask her if she hurts. (btw..her mom has in fact asked for pain meds because she was IN PAIN, lol)
so on and on she goes until she starts saying "she even broke her thumb and when i grabbed it like this and pulled as hard as i could it didnt hurt her!" and as she said that, she grabbed my thumb on my right hand and proceeded to pull it as hard as she could. she pulled it so hard it actually popped! and then she continued to hold onto it as hard as she could saying "i did that and it didnt hurt her!!!"
I said "ma'am, that might not have hurt your mom but it is darned sure hurting me and take your hands off me right now!"
(i told, i am not making this up, lol)
she looked at me like i'd offended her and didnt even apologize.
i ended up telling her it would be my pleasure (thats what we are supposed to say,lol) to let the NP know in the morning that she'd like the pain meds d/c'd. she then says "i do not have the time to come wait on her so you just have her call me so i can tell her how my mother doesnt feel pain ever". i just smiled and said "i'd be more than happy to leave her that note":D and i did! shoot, i wanted to tell her if her mom was immune to pain she was a medical miracle and i was telling everyone! not just the NP. lol, but i didnt. she'd allready tried to pull my thumb off...i didnt know what she'd do next,lol. oh, she also had pointed her finger in my face and hit my nose with her finger too during her tirade.
everyday that i think it cant get any worse with family members...somebody comes along and proves me wrong.
can yall believe this? anyone else meet this woman or someone like her?
and can anyone tell me in what other career something like this could happen? somewhere where people think it is perfectly fine to come into a facility and act like this and in the eyes of the law, literally assault someone and it be perfectly fine?
Bless your heart, southernbeegirl, you've been through a lot. I wish you luck in your new job search. My experience with the hospital is somewhat the same. No one's been physically violent yet, but people in general have the idea that nurses are there for their personal dumping grounds.
BTW, I have a "crazyphonelady" who is ALWAYS on the phone, calling and having her mother call her doctor and the front desk to tell him about the abuse the nurses are dishing out, such as it's been about 3 minutes and no one's made her IV stop beeping yet, the nurses won't give her a foot-to-neck massage, she didn't get her extra glass of tea at 1pm, and on and on......
Yes, come one come all, not only will we heal you, we will treat you better than the President, because remember, your wish is my command!!!
The power went out at our facility a few months ago on a Sunday afternoon. It was out for about 3 hours. Lord was it hot!
I called the power company. There had been a bad wreck and they were working on the problem as fast as they could. I called the maintenance guy at home to make sure there wasnt anything else could be or should be done.
All important stuff was plugged into the red plugs for the generator.
A patient's husband came looking for me, screaming "I thought you were in charge of this building?!?"
"yes sir, I am the house supervisor. what can i do for you?"
"I want to know what YOU are going to do about the electricity being out"
"I have called the power company and they assured me they are working on it as fast as they can and I called the maintenance supervisor at home and there is nothing else I can do"
"Thats not good enough!!!"
"um..what would you like me to do, sir?"
"can you not go out there and hook the air conditioner up to the generator?"
I swear to God, if I'm lying I'm dying! he really said that!!
He had located me in a visiting room talking to a patient and a bunch of her family. When he finally walked off, the entire room busted out laffing. The patient's daughter said "girl, you better go out there and get your ass up that pole!"
to this day, when i see her...we just die laffing!
Belive me. For every nut like this lady, I've seen 1000 more! I have seen family members with laptops in the room surfing WebMD or MySpace to tell you how to do your job. Or the ones with the notepad to write everything down so they can sue. One of the worst cursing outs I ever got was to do with an obese patient in excess of 400 pounds who wanted to be repositioned and pulled up in bed. I told them it would be a few minutes as I had to wait for other nurses to finish with various tasks in other rooms to come help me. The family was aware of this and the patient was not in distress. After about 2 minutes the daughter calls again. I told her it would be just a few minutes more as we were waiting on the last nurse to finish. There were 2 of us. About 3 minutes later the daughter comes storming out of the room swearing loudly "You lazy MF's need to come in now!" We were shocked at this woman. Me and the other nurse dart ino the patients room thinking there was some emergency. On either side of the patients' bed were big, muscular men, 5 in all, each one over 6 feet tall. And they stand up to and move aside. We ask what happened and the daughter continues to curse at us telling us we are just sitting aound doing nothing. Get this. The 5 big tall guys were the patients' sons. All line-backer sizes. While we were rally up staff to lift the patient, the line-backer sons could have effortlessly pulled their mother up in bed. And to yell in the hall like someone is dying was unbelievable. Me and the other nurse were livid. It took the will of God himself to keep us cool. The way the lady cursed us out was crazy! I think non-nurses STILL see us as not real people, and do not respect us. And telling management about the abuses will go nowhere!
BTW, I have a "crazyphonelady" who is ALWAYS on the phone
God save me from crazy relatives who are on the phone all the time (3 calls within 15 minutes of shift starting). Or the ones who were told that death was imminent (in ICU) who nodded and said ok, we'll be back on Tuesday (this being Sunday). Or the ones who are nurses but haven't practiced in 40 years but think they know it all and proceed to regale you with tales of how it was 'proper' nursing back in the day...
Specializes in med-surg, geriactrics, oncology, hospi.
I have said for years if i ever quit nursing, it will be over family members. No doubt, the worst element about our job.If I were you, I'd press charges. That is harrassment & probably assault.We have our share of rude, demanding family members @ the hospital I work in.Adm. almost always supports them, not the staff.That has something to do with it getting so frequent/extreme, IMO.
actually, it doesn't matter what the daughter THINKS anyway .... IF the pt says she has pain ... that's takes priority over what the family THINKS or feels ... it's our job to take care of the patient first.
I KNOW you weren't making this up. DO NOT tolerate this behavior! Find out from your supervisor who to call if you need intervention in a case like that. Write up an incident report to CYA. These types of people are the ones to scream lawsuit if their family member so much as farts.
Heck, I have even known nurses to withhold pain meds that are ordered around the clock for terminal patients because "they didn't need it" and others who "titrate down continuous narcs on terminal pts. "because they might become addicted"
Just when you think you've seen it all (no matter how long you've been in this profession) someone always comes along with something new. Unfortunately it usually a PIA.....LOL
These stories are so sad. I am so sorry any of you ahve to deal with this stuff. It is the one things that gives me doubts about wanting to go to nursing school. I think I could handle everything else, all the "gross" stuff, but dealing with nasty people like that...I would probably haul off on one of them. :angryfire
know what makes me madder than crazythumblady herself? it's her "nurse friend"!
that woman comes in there everyday to "make sure she's being taken care of". questions us on this and that, like we are idiots. hell, she talks to us like we are idiots. (dont worry, dtr is POA and demands we tell this friend everything).
just to make myself smile inside...everytime nursefriend is there, i make a point to ask the patient if she's in pain. i cant help myself! lol
Specializes in trauma/er, med surg, phychiatric nursing.
I am an administrator at an LTC. It is sad that your administration cannot provide security with this situation or any other. They most definitely have failed you as their nurse manager/employee. My facility would have had her banned from the premises. It is unreal how family members think they know it all, they apparently do not understand the education it takes to be where you are. Keep your head up, what goes around, comes around.
shoot, i wanted to tell her if her mom was immune to pain she was a medical miracle and i was telling everyone! not just the NP. lol, but i didnt. she'd allready tried to pull my thumb off...i didnt know what she'd do next,lol. oh, she also had pointed her finger in my face and hit my nose with her finger too during her tirade.
southernbeegirl, BSN, RN
903 Posts
or....my mom didnt answer her phone, go down there and see if she's sleeping.
aaaahhhggghhh!