trying to decide whether to pursue nursing - less than supportive boyfriend

Nursing Students Pre-Nursing

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Hi! I'm totally new here, and am still trying to decide whether to pursue nursing (RN). It really appeals to me (although I do have a few reservations) and I really get excited about it. My reservations are as follows: I haven't really taken science classes since high school, although at that time I took advanced courses and did well in them, it is still a little outside my comfort zone at this point. Also, I worry a little about cleaning poop. I have big dogs, so I don't imagine its anything I can't handle, but I sometimes do gag, and I feel like that would be inappropriate in front of patients. Does it get easier, and does everyone worry about this? Worse, lately because of my own medical issues I get pretty nauseated with different smells sometimes, but I am really hoping that's temporary. My last and biggest obstacle is that my boyfriend is really not on board. We've been together for over four years, and I'm pretty sure that as soon as we have our finances a little better we will get married. On one hand, he tells me that if nursing is what I want to do, he doesn't want to stand in the way (for the reasons that who knows if he'll always be around, and doesn't want me to have resentments or regrets), but on the other he says that he's not sure that he will be able to handle the close physical contact with other guys. His reasons are that 1) he would feel jealous (couldn't handle the mental images, etc.), 2) he feels like it could affect his feelings of intimacy with me. I know him, and this really could happen. The thing is, I'm not even interested in working with men; I'm interested in neonatal, labor and delivery, or women's health, none of which involve guys. Its really the part of getting through school that could be problematic. Has anyone had problems with jealous significant others/spouses in relation with nursing? Also, if I decide to pursue nursing, how often would these type of issues come up (bathing patients, helping in the bathroom, urinary catheters, etc.) in a typical BSN program? Daily? Thanks for any and all input!

I'm not even going to read any more replies before I say this. IMHO what your boyfriend is experiencing is an irrational fear that you will outgrow him and won't be dependent on him. I think more a thing of insecurity. The jealousy thing may or may not be just a smoke screen, the real fear is that you won't need him anymore? Only you know if he is the jealous type. Body parts would be the last thing on my mind. I work as a Birth Doula and Lactation Counselor. To me, their genitals and breasts are just that..their genitals and breasts. Another body part we learned in A&P. Same goes for any man. I cannot imagine any nurse or doctor, being professionals that they are, acting on sexual desire with a patient.

It's not necessarily sexual desire, as she mentioned in another reply. But the fear that she'll become desensitized to them in general. That having to deal with them all day at work will affect her sex drive when she comes home. That as you put it, she'll it as just that...genitals or breasts.

Honestly, it's probably a valid issue. I can't imagine a gynocologist can work all day and still come home and look at his wife in the same way. But it's just part of the field. It's not like it's going to be taking up a huge part of her day. Like I said, it's probably best to sit him down and explain just what nursing entails.

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SilentMind - you seem to be really good at sensing what are the issues at hand (and seeing where he's coming from - are you Mexican??? I just don't usually get this type of reaction). The problem I have is, I'm not really sure what nursing entails! I'm still trying to figure it out! Shadowing would probably be a good idea. I've also thought about volunteering as a translator at a hospital. Do you think you could give me an idea of how I should explain it to him? - Thanks!

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SilentMind - you seem to be really good at sensing what are the issues at hand (and seeing where he's coming from - are you Mexican??? I just don't usually get this type of reaction). The problem I have is, I'm not really sure what nursing entails! I'm still trying to figure it out! Shadowing would probably be a good idea. I've also thought about volunteering as a translator at a hospital. Do you think you could give me an idea of how I should explain it to him? - Thanks!

Your boyfriend is really a secondary issue here. While important, there's no sense in going through the trouble to even try resolving it if this may be something you want no part in personally. Although, I can understand it's a lot more difficult to make these kind of life altering decisions without the full support of those you're used to leaning on.

I honestly don't know a whole lot about shadowing, although i've heard it mentioned here on the forums. It's definitely worth looking into. As far as translating, I'm not entirely sure that would give you a feel of what to expect in a nursing profession. Finding out just what nursing entails would probably be a good project to take up for your own benefit. Sadly, I'm still a pre-nursing student so I can't offer a lot of insight there. I've seen a few threads around somewhere that asks nurses to describe a typical day. Don't be afraid to talk to nursing students further along in the program, or even actual working nurses in your area.

No, I'm not mexican, and while I personally wouldn't be bothered by it, I can understand where he's coming from. It may not be nearly as big of a deal as you're fearing once you actually get your feet wet and start doing things.

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For the past few years I did just that I let others tell me what to do. soesn't your boyfreind relise you are doing something that will better yourself and your relationship. First, get yourself checked out. After all your health needs to be on top to be an example. If after you talk to him as to what he wants for himself. and he is not with you you may have some desions to make. I have had that dream for 13 years. Got my CNA right out of high school and have loved every minute of it. I let him and his family get in the way. I am just now going back to get my degree. In all else GO FOR IT :yeah:I wish I had sooner.

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My boyfriend responded the same way. He's concerned about my potentially close contact with other men. Well...this sounds like an easy response, but it's true that without this contact we'd hardly have health providers. I think it's easier for me than for my bf. My father is a doctor and has been in contact with tons of people...so it's more 'normal' to me.

It all comes down to why you want to become a nurse and how committed you are to the profession. If it's your dream, you will regret not pursuing it. This may make you bitter towards your boyfriend in the future. You owe it to your relationship and yourself to be honest.

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a vivid description of what it is like to do peri-care on 80 year old uncircumsized man who hasn't cleaned under his foreskin in 20 years should lessen his worries... or as others have pointed out probably won't. He sounds like a jerk to me!

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Specializes in Medical /Neuro, Oncology, LTC, Home Care.

okay First; He will grow out of that. its life... no need to be jealous all you need is trust between eachother. second if you dont know if its for you then volunteer at a long-term. and yes u will be cleaning poop everyday and giving bed baths etc... but also that depends on where you work. but if you are going to be a nurse things like that should not bother you.. there are greater concerns. and besides your carring for someone... helping.

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Specializes in OB, LTC, ER, MS.

Big red flags!!!! There is nothing intimate or personal taking care of any patients in the hospital. Seems the jealousy thing is clouding his ability to make a decision. Do not, under any circumstances change your plans for him. Yes, four years is a long time, but to be jealous over a job??? The class thing can certainly be overcome. Study groups and tutors can help you get through any classes that are giving you a hard time. I say go for it!!!

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while id have to agree with the majority of this thread that there is nothing romantically intimate about patient health care, relationships are bound to form. whether its romantic or not, is up to you. its not impossible, but its bloody rare. other than that, your bf has just been watching too much grey's anatomy.

about his mental images and affected intimacy feelings, you'll just have to do a good job of comforting him, keeping his mind off any unwanted images, and engraving a few images of your own into that green monster head of his :3

of course it goes both ways; he'll need to become more accepting, understanding, considerate, trusting. its not going to happen overnight, but he'll adjust over time. the key is communication. lack of communication allows his mind to wander, to imagine his worst fears. communication and comfort will let him know there's nothing to worry about

it sometimes helps a guy get through jealousy if he knows/is comfortable with the people you go to school/work with. that being said, introduce them. im sure he'll enjoy the idea that he knows a girlfriend of yours thats got your back.

anyways, thats my 2 cents. maybe i should start a similar thread now, but from a different perspective. im a male, planning to join a nursing school that is 90+% female. my gf is going to have a field day with this one.

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Specializes in Trauma ICU, Peds ICU.

I'm going to hold my tongue about some of the more ignorant replies regarding your boyfriend, because I think your response made clear that you know better.

It's great that he's comfortable sharing his concerns, and expressed support for your goal in spite of them. That tells me that he's open to working on this. Do that. Engage him.

I don't have the same concerns about my fiance who is also a nurse, but that's because I know what your boyfriend doesn't know (yet). If it helps you can share my experience with him.

She works at a veteran's administration hospital. That means virtually all of her patients are men. If she got a dollar for every member she had to see, we could retire early.

It doesn't concern me because I know first hand, by virtue of being a nurse myself, that "intimate" care is intimate... but not in that way. There's an inherent professional distance, even if for no other reason other than that you've got too much stuff to do to be thinking about that. It's just, different, period. Thinking back, I guess that I have had some very attractive female patients, mostly when I worked in EMS... but, I can't honestly say I was ever all that aware of it while treating them. You just... simply don't look at a patient's body the same way you would a lover's. When I catheterize a woman, the last thing on my mind is sex. I'm thinking about using proper technique, and remembering to lower the bed when I'm done (I'm really tall), and about the med I have due for her, and the paperwork due on my other patient who's going to surgery today, and gosh... I'm up to 16 on the other's cardene drip and using my PRNs... why is that, and should I ask to up the labetolol and hydralazine orders to 20... and shoot, I can't let myself forget to ask for next Friday off to go to that ACLS refresher. When my fiance's catheterizing a man, I know it's the same way.

2. Providing intimate care to women doesn't somehow change the way I look at, or desensitize me to, being intimate with my fiance. Because we're talking about two vastly different things. Apples and oranges.

Lastly, if you go into L&D or neonates, you won't be dealing with it. During school, yes, you'll probably do a few foley caths on men, and you'll certainly see men in various states of undress, but you just need to help him understand that it's a part of your job, it's not sexual, and you don't bring it home with you. Period.

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I asked this in another thread, but it bears repeating. Why is it so easy to label people (especially men) as jerks when they show themselves to be less than perfect? The OP has stated that her boyfriend is a pretty decent guy overall who is struggling with cultural issues because he didn't grow up in the US. That he even wants to work things out shows he cares, but old habits and deeply ingrained attitudes change slowly.

At least he admitted what he was feeling. That's a good place to start.

You can't just quit thinking a certain way. You have to replace the old ideas with something new and better. It might be a good thing for him to be able to talk with some emotionally strong and healthy men who can give him a new perspective on trust and security, US-style. Even better would be some men from his culture who have adapted and can give him an example and some encouragement.

It has to be tough growing up with one set of "rules" and finding out that you need to learn an entirely different way of doing things. Especially when people are so quick to find fault and label you a jerk.

I hope the OP and her boyfriend can each find what they need.

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Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.

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QUOTE=shepherdgirl;3998639]- my dog eats his poop when he has an accident in the house and no one's there to clean it up, and a few times he's thrown it up after and let me tell you, that is 1000x worse than just plain old poop! I wouldn't tell such a graphic story if I didn't figure ya'll had seen it all :wink2: My main fear is how I could do it with a straight face in front of patients! I'm sure I would just learn to deal with it; its just an apprehension that I have...

Thanks again to everyone!

You've got a pretty good start on the gross-out factor! ;) If this response is an isolated event, I think it can be chalked up to fear of the unknown. If he's the type that is trying to check your phone to see who you've called, asks you where you were if you are 20 minutes late for something, and says "did you see that guy over there checking you out?", he will continue to torment you--- but you are saying he is not normally like that.

I don't know exactly how he could replace his Nurse Jackie mental image before you're in nursing school yourself. Do you have a friend or family member who could give him the reality check? Anyway, it looks like the concerns you've mentioned will be manageable! :up:

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