Hi! I'm totally new here, and am still trying to decide whether to pursue nursing (RN). It really appeals to me (although I do have a few reservations) and I really get excited about it. My reservations are as follows: I haven't really taken science classes since high school, although at that time I took advanced courses and did well in them, it is still a little outside my comfort zone at this point. Also, I worry a little about cleaning poop. I have big dogs, so I don't imagine its anything I can't handle, but I sometimes do gag, and I feel like that would be inappropriate in front of patients. Does it get easier, and does everyone worry about this? Worse, lately because of my own medical issues I get pretty nauseated with different smells sometimes, but I am really hoping that's temporary. My last and biggest obstacle is that my boyfriend is really not on board. We've been together for over four years, and I'm pretty sure that as soon as we have our finances a little better we will get married. On one hand, he tells me that if nursing is what I want to do, he doesn't want to stand in the way (for the reasons that who knows if he'll always be around, and doesn't want me to have resentments or regrets), but on the other he says that he's not sure that he will be able to handle the close physical contact with other guys. His reasons are that 1) he would feel jealous (couldn't handle the mental images, etc.), 2) he feels like it could affect his feelings of intimacy with me. I know him, and this really could happen. The thing is, I'm not even interested in working with men; I'm interested in neonatal, labor and delivery, or women's health, none of which involve guys. Its really the part of getting through school that could be problematic. Has anyone had problems with jealous significant others/spouses in relation with nursing? Also, if I decide to pursue nursing, how often would these type of issues come up (bathing patients, helping in the bathroom, urinary catheters, etc.) in a typical BSN program? Daily? Thanks for any and all input!
People say nurses scoop poop like thats all they do..... there is a ladder to climb and maybe at the begining stages of your career u will scoop poop...but thats not all you will do, right? i understand the whole gagging thing but if u really want to be a nurse, u will condition yourself to not be disturbed by the poop thingy.....nursing is a rewarding career...think about the difference you will be making in peoples life....that is enough to want to clean all the poop in the world (*not really) :)
As for your boifriend....i think the previous posters covered that base....You should not give up your dreams for anyone...We only live once...why live by someone else's rules..?? Good luck
Doesn't make it any less sexist. There's absolutely nothing in this thread to even hint at domestic abuse.
Women are just as capable of it as men are, and I'd wager that any man that's been in more then a handful of serious relationships has encountered it at one point or another. Yet I don't come onto this forum denouncing every mention of a woman as a spiteful, manipulative, abuser. That's just wrong.
You can choose to defend it if you so like, but it's not acceptable to throw these outrageous claims around even if the one doing it has a history of abuse.
Rape is wrong. So is abuse. Falsely accusing someone of either of these is just as bad.
Oh my lord. She wasn't saying every man was an abuser - she said that his behavior was a red flag and that men who exhibit that kind of behavior have a greater tendency to take it further. You were the one denouncing her whole life as sad.
As for the rest of your comment....... I'd take a long look at what you wrote and try to understand how offensive and wrong it is.
Oh my lord. She wasn't saying every man was an abuser - she said that his behavior was a red flag and that men who exhibit that kind of behavior have a greater tendency to take it further. You were the one denouncing her whole life as sad.
As for the rest of your comment....... I'd take a long look at what you wrote and try to understand how offensive and wrong it is.
This "behavior" is him confiding in his long term girlfriend about the doubts and insecurities he has about this potential change. Probably, due to the fact that he doesn't fully understand the nursing process and what the work entails. Did he put his foot down and say absolutely not? No. He actually said he wanted her to pursue it because he didn't want her to have any regrets. He just wasn't 100% comfortable with it, which is the kind of honest communication that relationships thrive on. Thus giving her a chance to work out the problems at the start.
HA HA HA HA HA Sorry - your BF's concerns about your 'contact' with other guys makes me laugh - a lot.
Is he is worried about the 'intimate' contact with male patients??? Yeah - there's nothing more attractive than a very ill person who is dependent upon you for essential care/interventions. Maybe back in the olden days, before managed care - when people stayed in the hospital for a long time. .. but these days, hospitalized patients are waaaay too sick to get frisky with anybody. It's true that you may become more familiar with male anatomy - and female anatomy for that matter. It's difficult to provide care to fully clothed people. Is he concerned that you will have a basis for comparison?
Is he worried about 'soap opera' myths??? Femme fatale nurse with super-attractive physician? (insert another big laugh/snort) If you have had any time to read posts on AN by real working nurses, you will see that the work is hard and continuous... very little time to schedule trysts in the supply closet. Not to mention the traditionally adversarial relationship between the 'tribes' (nurses & physicians).
He should be more concerned about the way you will change. Becoming a nurse will make you more confident of your own ability; more independent and self-sufficient; more aware of what's really important in life; less likely to be satisfied with a dependent role in any relationship.
Uh oh! I think I need to defend my man :imbar! SilentMind got it right, I think; he didn't forbid me from pursuing nursing with his hand raised to strike me - he just voiced some concerns and insecurities. I don't mean to be unappreciative of anyone's replies, because I was shocked (in a good way!) to see so many replies! It's so nice to have other people weigh in on this huge decision that has me totally baffled. I still have some time to make sure, but I am about to finish my undergraduate degree, and then need a lot of prereqs because my school doesn't require hardly any of the core courses that state schools require. Back to the original topic, I want everyone to rest assured that my boyfriend is anything resembling abusive. He's not even really possessive. I feel I should mention that he is Mexican (from Mexico, not Mexican descent but raised here), and that the cultural norms are a bit different I think. As far as our intimacy being affected, I think he means that he's afraid that if I deal with naked men and their memberes all day, then how is what I have with him any different? I know this is really warped thinking - I agree!, but I also know that it's really how he thinks - he's not just trying to manipulate me. What worries me I guess is that a) it could cause a lot of disagreements or friction in our relationship, and b) it will be a lot harder for me to get through nursing school without his support than with it I think - like I would really love to feel like he was in my corner as I have in other things I've gone through. He's pretty much my best friend, and the person I most confide in with things like my own self-doubt and insecurities, and when I have difficulties I don't like my family to know, but I can tell him. It will still be that way, but I'm afraid it could be hard for him to be so supportive when he doesn't totally back what I'm doing, or when it causes him to suffer in some way. I do agree that I shouldn't throw it out just because it makes him uncomfortable; I just guess I'm afraid of doing it "on my own." I do feel like if it causes too much friction it could cause our relationship to end, but if that happens then I guess it wasn't meant to be. Its more the tension and arguing that I'm worried about than it actually ruining our relationship. I hope I've made things a little more clear. Thanks again for all your replies! Keep 'em coming!
on one hand, he tells me that if nursing is what i want to do, he doesn't want to stand in the way (for the reasons that who knows if he'll always be around, and doesn't want me to have resentments or regrets), but on the other he says that he's not sure that he will be able to handle the close physical contact with other guys. his reasons are that 1) he would feel jealous (couldn't handle the mental images, etc.), 2) he feels like it could affect his feelings of intimacy with me. i know him, and this really could happen. the thing is, i'm not even interested in working with men;
has anyone had problems with jealous significant others/spouses in relation with nursing? also, if i decide to pursue nursing, how often would these type of issues come up (bathing patients, helping in the bathroom, urinary catheters, etc.) in a typical bsn program? daily? thanks for any and all input!
this set of comments also gave me pause.
while, yes, they could be indicative of an abuse issue, they more likely indicate a serious lack of maturity/security on the part of the boyfriend. if he has difficulty with you giving care to frail elderly ill men, and that may impair your relationship/intimacy, there are likely to be many other jobs that rules out and other similar issues will crop up later.
people (men or women) that have have irrational or inappropriate jealous tendencies...they kind of need to work those out before marriage/longterm relationships, or you have to seriously consider how you will deal with them effectively in your relationship.
i would not let him rule out nursing school. you are not married and it doesn't sound like he is definitely yet "the one". you need to educate and care for yourself, independantly, for both of your benefits. but he needs to work on why he is so insecure as to let this affect him.
and as far as the gentleman poster that blows off the "red flag" comments. unfortunately, many of us have experienced that this red flag is indeed a sign of trouble ahead. but it has nothing to do with a man thing.....i would say the exact same thing to the op if it were male and the girlfriend had the same objections to nursing school.
male or female, irrational/inappropriate jealousy that affects the relationship is a problem.
and that problem needs to be addressed, because it will reoccur, if not addressed. and girlfriends can do just as much damage as boyfriends.
I am married to a Mexican, born and raised in Mexico and did not come to the US 'til he was 27....so I think I understand what kind of issues you are talking about. I was already in nursing school when I met my husband-to-be, so that horse was already at least partially out of the barn.
For us, it just took time for him to realize that no matter how many men I saw or took care of, I still came home to him at night. We are still married almost 8 years later (we have been together almost 10), and while I work in mother/baby now, it wasn't always that way. I worked for several years in med/surg and in a community health center.
If your boyfriend was raised as traditionally as mine was (though he has in many ways diverged from that tradition), it may take a LOT of time and acclimation but it can be done. Good luck; and if this is really something you want, don't let anyone stand in your way.
First, if you want to do it, then go do it!! It is your life...Secondly, regarding the smells. Yes, at times they can be overwhelming. Many nurses I know carry a small tin of Vicks with them and rub it under their nostrils before having to go into an unpleasant smelling situation. Third, regarding the boyfriend. Dear, if he is that insecure and jealous, you may wish to find a new one!! Personally, I cannot believe someone would be THAT JEALOUS. He may wish to seek some help. Also, many of the men you may end up caring for if you work on a Med/Surg unit to start are of retirement age of beyond. The "if you have seen one, you have seen them all" tends to apply here. (Sorry if that seems flippant, it just isn't an issue if you are focusing on your job). Lastly, as I mentioned before and I don't mean to be harsh, you may wish to re-evaluate your relationship with someone who is that insecure. Yikes!!!!
Elvish - thanks for sharing! I know its really hard for people here to understand the issues present in a Mexican-American relationship, because we do tend to see a lot of those things very differently. I'm pretty used to the - what the heck is wrong with him??? reactions, so I usually keep a lot of things to myself except with my brother and a few close friends. Like someone said, I think that once we're in the thick of it, he might not (hopefully!) see it as such a big deal.
2BanRN - thanks for the Vicks tip! That sounds like a great idea! Lately I feel like I have pregnancy symptoms even though I'm not pregnant (I have PCOS, and have started taking new medicine this semester and the side effects are pretty intense), and even mild food smells can bother me. I'm really pretty used to dealing with poop, though - my dog eats his poop when he has an accident in the house and no one's there to clean it up, and a few times he's thrown it up after and let me tell you, that is 1000x worse than just plain old poop! I wouldn't tell such a graphic story if I didn't figure ya'll had seen it all :wink2: My main fear is how I could do it with a straight face in front of patients! I'm sure I would just learn to deal with it; its just an apprehension that I have...
I'm not even going to read any more replies before I say this. IMHO what your boyfriend is experiencing is an irrational fear that you will outgrow him and won't be dependent on him. I think more a thing of insecurity. The jealousy thing may or may not be just a smoke screen, the real fear is that you won't need him anymore? Only you know if he is the jealous type. Body parts would be the last thing on my mind. I work as a Birth Doula and Lactation Counselor. To me, their genitals and breasts are just that..their genitals and breasts. Another body part we learned in A&P. Same goes for any man. I cannot imagine any nurse or doctor, being professionals that they are, acting on sexual desire with a patient.
So far nothing has bothered me as far as smells. I have 4 kids who have pretty much taken care of that. You have a lot of funky smells in the birth room or in an OR and I guess I've just learned to deal with it or am not sensitive to it.
Good luck with your decision. Try to get to the REAL root of your boyfriends fears....
Sorry - your BF's concerns about your 'contact' with other guys makes me laugh - a lot. 
Rimzy
115 Posts
People say nurses scoop poop like thats all they do..... there is a ladder to climb and maybe at the begining stages of your career u will scoop poop...but thats not all you will do, right? i understand the whole gagging thing but if u really want to be a nurse, u will condition yourself to not be disturbed by the poop thingy.....nursing is a rewarding career...think about the difference you will be making in peoples life....that is enough to want to clean all the poop in the world (*not really) :)
As for your boifriend....i think the previous posters covered that base....You should not give up your dreams for anyone...We only live once...why live by someone else's rules..?? Good luck