trying to decide whether to pursue nursing - less than supportive boyfriend

tiffjh2 · Nov 30, 2009

Hi! I'm totally new here, and am still trying to decide whether to pursue nursing (RN). It really appeals to me (although I do have a few reservations) and I really get excited about it. My reservations are as follows: I haven't really taken science classes since high school, although at that time I took advanced courses and did well in them, it is still a little outside my comfort zone at this point. Also, I worry a little about cleaning poop. I have big dogs, so I don't imagine its anything I can't handle, but I sometimes do gag, and I feel like that would be inappropriate in front of patients. Does it get easier, and does everyone worry about this? Worse, lately because of my own medical issues I get pretty nauseated with different smells sometimes, but I am really hoping that's temporary. My last and biggest obstacle is that my boyfriend is really not on board. We've been together for over four years, and I'm pretty sure that as soon as we have our finances a little better we will get married. On one hand, he tells me that if nursing is what I want to do, he doesn't want to stand in the way (for the reasons that who knows if he'll always be around, and doesn't want me to have resentments or regrets), but on the other he says that he's not sure that he will be able to handle the close physical contact with other guys. His reasons are that 1) he would feel jealous (couldn't handle the mental images, etc.), 2) he feels like it could affect his feelings of intimacy with me. I know him, and this really could happen. The thing is, I'm not even interested in working with men; I'm interested in neonatal, labor and delivery, or women's health, none of which involve guys. Its really the part of getting through school that could be problematic. Has anyone had problems with jealous significant others/spouses in relation with nursing? Also, if I decide to pursue nursing, how often would these type of issues come up (bathing patients, helping in the bathroom, urinary catheters, etc.) in a typical BSN program? Daily? Thanks for any and all input!

Hi.

I still gag around poop. I just think your boyfriend is scared that you are exploring new avenues and he probably will think that you will want a new boyfriend. Which I don't think that is the case. I definately think you should go to nursing school and pursue the career. I think you boyfriend will come around. Good Luck!

windmill182 · Nov 30, 2009

How bout getting your CNA so you can get your feet wet and explore your strengths/weaknesses in a field like this. I too was worried about things such as BM, but I was pleasantly surprised about how well I handled it during my CNA training.

As for your boyfriend...personally I would NEVER let a man stand in the way of something I wanted to do to better myself. His reasoning for being jealous about you caring for ill/wounded people sounds very childish to me (Im sorry), and Im sure whether you become a nurse or not he will find something to be jealous about...

BreatheFree · Nov 30, 2009

Well said Windmill!!!

FLmomof5 · Nov 30, 2009

I would point out that men that have made statements like your BF has said usually graduate to emphasizing it with a fist later. BIG RED FLAG!

IMHO, take care of you. I believe his real concern is two fold....(1) you won't need him monetarily and (2) you will realize what a jerk he really is when you are exposed to a better man.

Music in My Heart · Nov 30, 2009

Do what you think is best for yourself... what will make you best able to support yourself, irrespective of whether you have a partner. If this boyfriend is husband material, he'll back you up; if not, better to find out now.

As a man I always shake my head when I hear gals making decisions based on what their boyfriend wants. He's your boyfriend, not your fiance or your husband. The latter categories have earned the right to participate as partners in your major life decisions, the former has not. Just my male two cents.

HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD · Nov 30, 2009

HA HA HA HA HA Sorry - your BF's concerns about your 'contact' with other guys makes me laugh - a lot.

Is he is worried about the 'intimate' contact with male patients??? Yeah - there's nothing more attractive than a very ill person who is dependent upon you for essential care/interventions. Maybe back in the olden days, before managed care - when people stayed in the hospital for a long time. .. but these days, hospitalized patients are waaaay too sick to get frisky with anybody. It's true that you may become more familiar with male anatomy - and female anatomy for that matter. It's difficult to provide care to fully clothed people. Is he concerned that you will have a basis for comparison?

Is he worried about 'soap opera' myths??? Femme fatale nurse with super-attractive physician? (insert another big laugh/snort) If you have had any time to read posts on AN by real working nurses, you will see that the work is hard and continuous... very little time to schedule trysts in the supply closet. Not to mention the traditionally adversarial relationship between the 'tribes' (nurses & physicians).

He should be more concerned about the way you will change. Becoming a nurse will make you more confident of your own ability; more independent and self-sufficient; more aware of what's really important in life; less likely to be satisfied with a dependent role in any relationship.

Nuff said.

Aberdeen · Nov 30, 2009

I have to agree with the others; don’t let someone stop you from pursuing what you want in life. You only get one spin at this whole life thing, so make the best of it.

As far as the classes go I’m 35 and had not taken any science since I was in high school either, and I didn’t do very well, but I realized if I wanted it bad enough that I could do it. So now I bang my head in an anatomy book every night and I have an A average, so it can be done.

I understand how you feel about the poop and all the nasty stuff. I use to feel the same way, and that kept me from pursuing anything medically related for all of these years. I gave up my corporate job a few years back because I knew there was something else out there for me. In doing so I lost my girlfriend, turns out she liked the money more than she did me. I now work for the fire dept. and we answer EMS calls when EMS gets swamped. It was on one of these calls that I realized that I am dealing with all the nasty stuff right now, so why am I cheating myself and not pursuing what I want to do. The next day I went and signed up for classes. Point being, you can probably deal with more than you think you can, it’s just a matter of being exposed to it to find out. Maybe the CNA route is something to look into, or check around and see if a local hospital has some type of shadowing program so you can see what it is all about.

And now to the boyfriend. I am a guy and to be frank I think his reasons of not wanting you to pursue nursing are BS. If I were dating a nursing student or nurse then I would be concerned with them being exposed to some weird disease, not that they are going to be around of bunch of men. It sounds like he has some security issues. I am trying to beat up on your man, but I would hate to see you throw away something you are passionate about because of someone else. I have been down that road toooooooooo many times. Good Luck!!!

itsnever2L8 · Nov 30, 2009

How bout getting your CNA so you can get your feet wet and explore your strengths/weaknesses in a field like this. I too was worried about things such as BM, but I was pleasantly surprised about how well I handled it during my CNA training.
As for your boyfriend...personally I would NEVER let a man stand in the way of something I wanted to do to better myself. His reasoning for being jealous about you caring for ill/wounded people sounds very childish to me (Im sorry), and Im sure whether you become a nurse or not he will find something to be jealous about...

:yeahthat:

SilentMind · Nov 30, 2009

I would point out that men that have made statements like your BF has said usually graduate to emphasizing it with a fist later. BIG RED FLAG!

There's nothing wrong with him being a little apprehensive about you doing something new. Naturally, this change is going to affect both of your lives and possibly the dynamics involved. But I wouldn't worry about it too much. Once you're actually in it and doing, he'll get used to the idea.

There is a pretty good chance that you'll be working with men though. You may want to go prenatal or maternity, but a lot of times you have to start where you can to build up experience first, and that includes taking care of men. Patients are hardly threatening though. I don't think I could ever find it in myself to be jealous of a foley cath.

As far as your own abilities/fears, this doesn't really seem like a valid deterrent either. You said you were talented in the sciences, so you won't have a problem. As far as the other things like BM's, that will really come down to your own resolve. It's sad when people put in all the effort to go through NS and licensure only to realize early on that it's just not the job for them. So it may very well behoove you to start as a CNA as someone else reccomended, or at least volunteer or find a nurse to shadow in your area so you can gauge for yourself exactly how compatible you are with nursing as a career.

Squirmy McCoy · Nov 30, 2009

Abusive men don't wear signs and we have to be hyper aware in every situation. Check your privilege - especially if you're going to be a nurse and 1 out of 6 female patients you see will have been at one time raped and/or emotionally or physically abused. And most of the time it's someone they know - like a boyfriend.

SilentMind · Nov 30, 2009

Abusive men don't wear signs and we have to be hyper aware in every situation. Check your privilege - especially if you're going to be a nurse and 1 out of 6 female patients you see will have been at one time raped and/or emotionally or physically abused. And most of the time it's someone they know - like a boyfriend.

Doesn't make it any less sexist. There's absolutely nothing in this thread to even hint at domestic abuse.

That goes both ways. Women are just as capable of it as men are, and I'd wager that any man that's been in more then a handful of serious relationships has encountered it at one point or another. Yet I don't come onto this forum denouncing every mention of a woman as a spiteful, manipulative, abuser. That's just wrong.

You can choose to defend it if you so like, but it's not acceptable to throw these outrageous claims around even if the one doing it has a history of abuse.

Rape is wrong. So is abuse. Falsely accusing someone of either of these is just as bad.