tough love and alcoholic children

Specialties Psychiatric

Published

Can anyone recommend a book for helping in going to the next step of "tough love" with my dtr? She is an alcholic. My father was, my brothers, my sister are alcholics. I hated it so much/growing up with it I swore I would never be like that. I seldom drink. I love my dtr so much. She is my only dtr I had. I have a son and three stepchildren.

I have never faced this with my children and it is so hard. She has been through therapy (private and a long time). She goes to AA/court ordered.

I just pray for guidance. She has been gone since Wed and called and said she is coming home today.

I am trying to find a way to be tough rather than her dragging me down with her. I have been worried sick since Wed. I am afraid I am going to see her as a news story.....a bad story.

renerian

Specializes in Education, FP, LNC, Forensics, ED, OB.
We are working on the issue now. Thanks everyone for your kindness.

Compassionate people here,

renerian

You keep us posted now, o.k.??? :balloons:

Siri

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Specializes in PeriOp, ICU, PICU, NICU.
you keep us posted now, o.k.??? :balloons:

siri

[color=olive]yes, renerian please do. :icon_hug:

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The whole theme for Al-anon is detatchment with love. You can't love someone into sobriety, nag them into it, badger them, lecture them, or shelter them into it. Your daughter is the only one who can change her life and Al-anon shows you the means to detatch from the alcohol issues yet still show love. Your focus in the program is on YOU-- how to check your own inventory and put yourself ahead of the addiction. It is easy to get hung up in the "ifs"; "if I just . . ", "if she'd just . . .", "if the system would just . . ." and you'll drive yourself bonkers. If you are willing to pay for treatment, legal fees, bail, make excuses for her and in general, protecting her from facing the consequences of her addiction, why should she work for it? You know that I speak from experience. I'll PM you. I wish I could give you easy answers but alcoholism/ addictions hurt everyone around the addict. :kiss

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Specializes in Utilization Management.
The whole theme for Al-anon is detatchment with love. You can't love someone into sobriety, nag them into it, badger them, lecture them, or shelter them into it. Your daughter is the only one who can change her life and Al-anon shows you the means to detatch from the alcohol issues yet still show love. Your focus in the program is on YOU-- how to check your own inventory and put yourself ahead of the addiction. It is easy to get hung up in the "ifs"; "if I just . . ", "if she'd just . . .", "if the system would just . . ." and you'll drive yourself bonkers. If you are willing to pay for treatment, legal fees, bail, make excuses for her and in general, protecting her from facing the consequences of her addiction, why should she work for it? You know that I speak from experience. I'll PM you. I wish I could give you easy answers but alcoholism/ addictions hurt everyone around the addict. :kiss

Yes, you've explained it so much better than I could. But it does bear repeating--Al-Anon helped me keep my sanity in the craziness of a relative's alcoholism.

Best wishes to you and your family, Renerian.

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Specializes in MS Home Health.

Thank you so much for both of your kind words. I feel better now and just trying to dig out from the events of the last week.

renerian

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Can anyone recommend a book for helping in going to the next step of "tough love" with my dtr? She is an alcholic. My father was, my brothers, my sister are alcholics. I hated it so much/growing up with it I swore I would never be like that. I seldom drink. I love my dtr so much. She is my only dtr I had. I have a son and three stepchildren.

I have never faced this with my children and it is so hard. She has been through therapy (private and a long time). She goes to AA/court ordered.

I just pray for guidance. She has been gone since Wed and called and said she is coming home today.

I am trying to find a way to be tough rather than her dragging me down with her. I have been worried sick since Wed. I am afraid I am going to see her as a news story.....a bad story.

renerian

The best suggestion that I can give you is to go on the Internet and look up Alcoholics Anonoymous and find a meeting list for Alonon and go to a meeting. That would be better than reading a book alone. I am a recovering alcoholic. Both my parents were alcoholics ,I also have three brothers and two sisters that are active alcoholics living in denial. It is a disease that is passed on from generation to generation. It is a family disease because it not only affects the alcoholic but their family as well,(wouldn't you agree?)..take it one day at a time...it does get better.

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Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is very hard! My son is 20, not into alcohol or drugs but severely depressed. It is so very hard watching them struggle. We all love our kids so much and watching them hurt is heart-breaking. I wish you peace.

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Specializes in Med-Surg, Geriatric, Behavioral Health.

Yes, Al-anon for yourself is recommended. You have our hearts, you know. Although I don't have children who are "using", I do have three adult brothers who have brought me endless grief and worry because of their "use". One is now clean for the past several months and goes to meetings and has made some positive changes in his life...but, it took alot to get there. The second, haven't seen him for most of my life and is probably living out of a bottle. The third, I still pray for him...but, he is still not there yet, choosing to "use" and to make very poor life choices. So, my heart goes out to you. I feel your pain. But, take care of yourself in the process. Al-anon is a place to start.

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