tough love and alcoholic children

mattsmom81 · Aug 1, 2005

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this...it is hard to watch someone we love self destruct. Hugs to you and I hope you get the support you need. We want to 'save' our kids don't we?

UM Review RN, ASN, RN · Aug 1, 2005

This is so difficult. I can't imagine what you must be going through. I too have a relative who I love dearly, who is thankfully in Recovery at this point.

Please consider getting support for yourself by going to Al-Anon meetings. Can't tell you how much of a lifesaver these were for me:

http://www.al-anon.org/

:icon_hug:I'm saying a prayer for her safety and recovery, renerian. And for you, too. :icon_hug:

Editorial Team / Admin · Aug 1, 2005

can anyone recommend a book for helping in going to the next step of "tough love" with my dtr? she is an alcholic. my father was, my brothers, my sister are alcholics. i hated it so much/growing up with it i swore i would never be like that. i seldom drink. i love my dtr so much. she is my only dtr i had. i have a son and three stepchildren.
i have never faced this with my children and it is so hard. she has been through therapy (private and a long time). she goes to aa/court ordered.
i just pray for guidance. she has been gone since wed and called and said she is coming home today.
i am trying to find a way to be tough rather than her dragging me down with her. i have been worried sick since wed. i am afraid i am going to see her as a news story.....a bad story.renerian, quote}
i am so sorry about your dear daughter. nothing could be worse than fearing for you childs' life.

have you tried "teens in crisis"? they have many help features on the tough love approach. the number is 1-877-865-9935. to request information. they have numerous free parenting booklets on the subject. you can go to:
http://www.teens-in-crisis.com/tough_love.html
good luck and i will keep your daughter in my prayers.
siri, crnp, clnc, rlnc

**RosesrReder, BSN, MSN, RN** · Aug 1, 2005

Great info Siri.

I too am sorry to read about your daughter. You seem to be very supportive and a great mother. I am unsure of a good book but can definetly ask around and can get back to you. May the Lord bless you and your child always. Nothing but best of wished to you. :icon_hug:

elkpark · Aug 1, 2005

Have you been involved in Al-Anon? It is the "sister" organization of AA, founded by the wife of the man who founded AA, and it uses a similar philosophy/format but is for the family members & loved ones of people who have addiction problems.

These are all people who are in circumstances similar to yours, and you would find a lot of support and useful information. There is no charge, and you would be free to determine how much or how little you wanted to participate in the meetings.

I have seen Al-Anon help a lot of people over the years. Just as with AA, each chapter has its own character/personality, and sometimes you have to "shop around" a little bit to find a group with which you're really comfortable. If Al-Anon is not listed in your local telephone book, you can call the number listed for AA, and they can tell you where/when Al-Anon groups meet in your area.

I would strongly encourage you to at least give Al-Anon a try. Best wishes for your difficult and painful situation --

renerian, BSN, RN · Aug 1, 2005

I downloaded the Al-Anon list in our area and since I work two jobs, 8a to 12p and then 3 to 11:30pm or so I am not finding any around here. I plan to scour the list more closely.

Yes we do want to "save" our children and hope they have a happier/easier life than we as parents did.

My dtr is 23.....

renerian

**RosesrReder, BSN, MSN, RN** · Aug 1, 2005

I downloaded the Al-Anon list in our area and since I work two jobs, 8a to 12p and then 3 to 11:30pm or so I am not finding any around here. I plan to scour the list more closely.
Yes we do want to "save" our children and hope they have a happier/easier life than we as parents did.
My dtr is 23.....
renerian

She's my age. She is lucky she has you. I wish I had a supportive mother like you but unfortunately I did not.

renerian, BSN, RN · Aug 1, 2005

You are very kind.......thank you. I am sorry your mother was not very supportive. It can be the best relationship........

renerian

Editorial Team / Admin · Aug 1, 2005

I downloaded the Al-Anon list in our area and since I work two jobs, 8a to 12p and then 3 to 11:30pm or so I am not finding any around here. I plan to scour the list more closely.
Yes we do want to "save" our children and hope they have a happier/easier life than we as parents did.
My dtr is 23.....
renerian

I did not realize your daughter was not a teen. I still think you could contact them (Teens in Crisis) and they can give you some references for an adult. Try the following books:

Tough Love by Phyllis York, David York, Ted Wachtel

Local Heroes by Bill Berkowitz (this is also regarding tough love)

Good luck and God Bless!!

Siri

renerian, BSN, RN · Aug 1, 2005

Thank you for the book titles. I am going to try to find them tomorrow...

renerian

renerian, BSN, RN · Aug 2, 2005

We are working on the issue now. Thanks everyone for your kindness.

Compassionate people here,

renerian