Tired of hearing about the kids.

Nurses Relations

Published

I don't know why this bothers me. Probably because I spend five days a week working my butt off in an pediatric emergency room and I am tired! Here is what bothers me.

We started out with full time nurses who worked really hard. Then they all decided at the age of 40 that they wanted to return to school to be FNP's. Fine. Your entitled to enrich your life. Most of them went part time and some PRN. For those who decided to not return to school decided to get pregnant. Every year. Again. Fine. I don't have to take care of them, so have as many kids as you would like. Here in lies the problem. I have kids of my own. I see 200 crying children a day. The ONE day a month you decide to come to work, all you want to do is talk about your kids, show pictures and videos. Try working or picking up patients. I am overloaded with kids and do not want to see your videos. People need to realize, just because YOU enjoy your kids and their every milestone, does not mean your co-workers want to as well. How do you tell your once a month, or 8 hour a week co-worker that you dont want to hear anything about their kids? An occasional picture is OK. But these people are overloading us with pictures and videos. It's so annoying. Can we have some adult conversation?

Specializes in Nursing Professional Development.

I'll admit ... I've been known to play "one-upsmanship" sometimes and tell them how my nieces and nephews did something even better than their kid. I give them that "My family is so superior to your dumpy kids" look and they stop.

I know: that's not very nice of me ... but sometimes that's the best I can do.

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Specializes in ortho, hospice volunteer, psych,.

i absolutely love babies and children! i'm the silly relative and friend who buys your kid the hand carved wooden whistle, the giant-sized knock knock joke book, the book showing 100 things to do with a dollar bill besides spend it.

we'll keep one or all of your kids on short notice if needed, or babysit so you can have a night off from parenthood.

but...

deliver me from having to sit through what feels either like 1,000,000 copies of nearly the same picture of the same kid day after day or week after week at work! a few... sure. stack after stack after stack? no way!

once about 15 years ago, when subtle hints, firmer statements went unheeded and ignored, i spent my four day weekend off following our cats and dog around (some of it on my hands and knees) and captured almost every waking moment on film or with a digital camera. in the litter, sleeping, while my husband picked up doggie poop, eating, sleeping, playing, etc. think many many many many duplicates! i had explained to my manager what i was about to do while i was off and she oked it. i tipped off those who weren't offenders and got out my stash.

it worked! for awhile anyway...

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Whew. I am so GLAD I am not the only one out here who feels this way. Yes, I enjoy my co-workers and consider us a family. However, because you choose to be pregnant every year, doesn't mean I have to enjoy the fruits of your labor. I am sorry, if your only working once a month, then quit and you can spend all the time you want at home with your kids.

And the cherry on top, are the ones who get upset when we have picnics or gatherings and say no kids allowed. Not everyone enjoys the company of children all the time especially when you work with that population and have kids at home. It's overkill.

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" i don't have time to look at your pictures, there is work to be done." Have used similar tatics myself. No issue interupting these brag sessions or useless stories when there is stuff to do. Although almost all fo my coworkers realize that no one at work cares about their kids and how great they are or look or whatever.

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As I said in an earlier post, I have 5 small children. People have actually treated me like there was something wrong with me when I didn't come to work with thousands of pictures in tow. I mean really, I have 5 small children! Can you imagine how much time that could have possibly taken up--even when I only had 2 or 3 kids?

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Specializes in nursing education.

Sharpiemom, I just laughed so hard!! Good thing I wasn't drinking coffee. Brilliant and hilarious...and I may have to steal your idea.

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"

i find it extremely frustrating to deal with "the mommies" at times. it's as if you're invisible if you don't have kids."

i've found the same thing - if you're a woman without children, the other women think they're something wrong and "un-feminine" about you. "the feminine mystique" was written in 1963 yet some people still haven't grasped the modern concept introduced in that book that you don't have to have a baby to be a "full woman."

i'm in my early 30's and married with no children. my husband and i are happy this way. i always get these looks of disbelief followed by intrusive comments/questions when i tell people that i'm married but don't have children, like i'm some kind of freak. it doesn't bother me though, i simply tell people that i like to travel and be free to work as many or as few days as i want, to further my education, and to not have virtually care-free life (subtext: plenty of $$$).

hakuna matata!!

so those stares and comments might not be just disbelief, but maybe there's some jealously mixed in there as well

;)

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I'll gladly join this club. I've also noticed one from my class that went through school and all, landed a great job because they had connections, even though they got poor grades and had to retake the NCLEX ...only to take a dump on everyone else who would kill to get that job by getting pregnant (again) just when benefits kicked in, and then announcing they REALLY only ever wanted prn. PMO. You know the type, won't even have worked out a year before on leave. You cannot get away from that pregnancy and why she can't this or that because of the kids.

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"

you know the type, won't even have worked out a year before on leave."

uuuuuugh! i hate this, i feel like it makes employers reluctant to hire women in general, because a few women pull this sort of thing. i've seen this, and what really makes me mad is that somebody who works gets hired, works only 4 months, waits for benefits to kick in and then goes on maternity leave still has seniority over me because of hire date, even though i'm the one who's actually been coming to work! so i've worked way more weeks than they have, yet i'm below them on the ladder. i have never called out, never asked to leave early, never inconvenienced the rest of the staff by trying to get someone to cover my weekends for me. and still i feel that all women are judged as potentially doing this, there's no way an employer can know who will and who won't be getting pregnant and bumping work down to the bottom of their priority list.

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Where I work if it's not about the kids or the pregnancy, its about the pets, the boyfriend/husband, the social life/partying, the awesome vacations, the other job, the parents, the grandkids, etc, etc... I don't share the personal details of my life, but even if I did, I get the feeling that these people would not be very interested.

People just love to talk about themselves. I don't know if they are just selfish or lonely. I try to be polite, but I'm there to work, (and even if I'm not busy, it's pretty easy to find something else to do!)

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Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.

I am blindly in love with my children and my dog, and if you ask to see a picture, I will show you....one. I always have plenty more on me if you really want to see them but I keep them for quieter moments when no one is around and then only IF asked. I really get it when people get sick of seeing 52 pictures of the baby's first bath. I have those pictues, but not on display. Unfortunately sometime pregnancy does place rstrictions on nurses and you should not be the one to take down the ETOH'er running naked towards peds. Some women have an intense desire to become Mom's and then that's become a challenge and an emotional/hormonal rollercoaster and at times heartbreaking journey. They want to be a Mother as much as you avoid it. Then they finally concieve and that child becomes the most precious gift...the prodigal son......that they are terrified to do somethnig to hurt or lose it. Many women view infertility as a character flaw and that they have dome something wrong to "desreve this" somehow. Don't hate.......Simply a little empathy I think to their motivations and their tribulations.

Children are a huge responsibility and yes once here they set the navigation of your life....forever. The hardest job I have is being a parent. How many times did I leave a sick child at home, worried sick about them....to go to work to care for the "my baby has a fever and I don't give tylenol because that's your job" or the giant wimpy male demanding to be seen immediately because the ingrown toenail (for a week) hurts and he needs to get to.....work, office, home,plane....:cool:.

Yes I agree that there are some that become suddenly inept/paralized/incapacitated because they pregnant, but I think they are hurting for attention and affection,validation....maybe they don't get any at home. As a manager I always restricted picture time to breakroom/lunch and we would have informal "get together's" at my house where work was forbidden and family sharing abounded.....as I had get togethers for those minus children (I had no children at the time) for equal sharing about their pets. Admittedly it's a hard balance. I just kept it (as much as I knew about) off the floor and work space.

If it bugs you don't participate...personally I like sharpeimom's idea!!!! If I was her manager I would let her do it with my blessings.......and remind everyone not everyone feel passionate about the same subject.

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"

i find it extremely frustrating to deal with "the mommies" at times. it's as if you're invisible if you don't have kids."

i've found the same thing - if you're a woman without children, the other women think they're something wrong and "un-feminine" about you. "the feminine mystique" was written in 1963 yet some people still haven't grasped the modern concept introduced in that book that you don't have to have a baby to be a "full woman."

i'm in my early 30's and married with no children. my husband and i are happy this way. i always get these looks of disbelief followed by intrusive comments/questions when i tell people that i'm married but don't have children, like i'm some kind of freak. it doesn't bother me though, i simply tell people that i like to travel and be free to work as many or as few days as i want, to further my education, and to not have virtually care-free life (subtext: plenty of $$$).

hakuna matata!!

so those stares and comments might not be just disbelief, but maybe there's some jealously mixed in there as well

;)

33762fl, i'm old enough to have witnessed the feminist movement of the 60s-70s, and can fully recall just how limited the options were for women in the pursuit of an education and a career prior to that.

i want to haul off and slug those of my generation who have spent their adult lives dissing feminists, yet have had no compunction about taking advantage of the accomplishments of feminism, or encouraging their daughters, nieces, or grandchildren to do so. the notions that a girl shouldn't go to college, or that being an engineer or a surgeon or a welder are male-exclusive career choices, or that women can only apply for jobs in the "female help wanted" list are virtually extinct; in fact, many people under the age of 35 don't believe they ever existed (if you don't believe me, sit down and watch "mad men" with your favorite twenty-something).

as far back as i can remember, i was fully aware of my femininity, but at no time did i believe that it meant that (1) i was weaker or less intelligent than a man, (2) that it made me a second-class citizen and legal target for abuse, and (3) that a decision not to bear children would permanently and irreversibly eradicate my femininity.

in fact, i wanted children, and have several, all grown now. my once pert parts are now soft and saggy, and collagen creams, ibuprofen, and loreal "preference" crowd my medicine chest. but my husband still thinks i'm one hot, sexy mama.....primarily because i know i'm one hot, sexy mama! and i can guarantee that my abundant femininity has nothing to do with my history of pregnancy and childbirth.

i'm so tired of seeing people who have children, not to love, but to please their in-laws, compete with their friends, or just show the child off as another acquisition. look around at the parents who don't recognize that children require attention, even simple, basic human touch in the form of cuddling. i've seen mothers who look at their 3-month-old babies as though they are alien beings, and carry them like sacks of flour; they appear concerned only with finding ways to distract them and shut them up. and the truly sad results of this can be seen in the "acting out" of increasing numbers of toddlers, young children, and teenagers.

so, 33762fl, you go, girl! i can't tell you how much i respect you for deciding not to have children in the face of the unbelievable amount of societal pressure that still exists to do so. you are every bit a woman, and a most unselfish one at that. but you already knew that.

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